Trapped As A Mary Sue
by o0-Key-0o
Summary: Flashing hair and a captivating stare...What are Mary Sues made of? If you're a dedicated canon-lover, the answer may not be pretty... (Complete. Sequel: Trapped As A Mary Sue II)
1. The Council

Hi everybody! I am Key, an under-reviewed author, avid Lord of the Rings fan, and general all-around nerd. (Just ask anybody who knows me in real life) This is my first actual Lord of the Rings fanfiction, besides my P.P.C. spinoff, so treat me nice, OK?  
  
Disclaimer: I will never make money off J.R.R. Tolkien and his works, believe me. I have enough weird ideas of my own. I'm only borrowing his world and characters for a brief time, and hope to return them more intact then when I found them.  
  
Side note: thoughts are in and emphasis is in * *  
  
And now without further ado, I give you:  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter One  
  
She was lying on the ground. Of that much she was aware. She almost didn't open her eyes, so good was her dream. But then the mutterings began, and all vestiges of sleep fled.  
  
"What do you suppose.?"  
  
"Who is she?"  
  
"Lord Elrond, where did she come from?"  
  
The last was what really made her crack one eye open. The first thing she saw was the hem of a scarlet and gold robe. She forced her gaze upward, until it focused upon what was unmistakably the face of Hugo Weaving, albeit in his elvish garb as Elrond.  
  
"What the hey?" she muttered, bracing her arms against the ground and pushing herself upwards. Elrond took a step backwards, his face never changing expression. "How did I get here?" She gazed around at the blank and staring faces of men and elves around her. Oh yes, and one dwarf. There was something wrong with that, her brain registered, but first off she wanted to know what in heaven's name had happened to her.  
  
Then Elrond, Lord of Rivendell, chose to speak. "Who are you and how have you come to be in the middle of my council?" He arched one eyebrow at her, but the expression on his face still did not change.  
  
"Lord Elrond, are you feeling all right?" She knew that wasn't the smartest response, but she had no better idea what was going on here than he did, if indeed he was thinking at all. No one moved at her questions, no one even breathed. What were they waiting for, and what was their problem?  
  
She sighed. "My name is Katie, and I have no idea how I got here, Lord Elrond."  
  
That obviously had triggered something, for certain key members of the council reacted to that. Namely Boromir, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gandalf. Wait, who was that small figure on the end? Frodo the Ringbearer had nearly escaped Katie's notice. She resisted the urge to go over and see if his eyes were as blue as they were in the movie.  
  
"Meriweather, you say? 'Tis a strange name," Elrond replied, settling back into his seat.  
  
Katie held up her hands. "What? Meriweather? No, no, my name is Katie. Kay-TEE. K - A - T - I - E." She spelled it slowly.  
  
"Perhaps some form of sorcery has brought you among us," Gandalf rose to say, blue eyes bright from beneath bushy brows.  
  
"Sorcery, magic, whatever you want to call it, HOW DO I GO BACK?" Katie demanded, placing her hands on her hips, glaring around the circle. "I have no more desire to be here than you want me to, and I'm ruining the storyline. Unless this is a dream or a really cruel prank, which it can't be because Aragorn and Legolas look so darn hot. Nobody I know has the money to find two hot guys to play a joke on me." Katie took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes, then ran a hand through her hair. Her long, LONG hair. "What the-" She pulled a strand before her eyes. Her hair was raven black and extremely shiny. So shiny it was blinding.  
  
"Lady Meriweather, we do not know how to send you back. But as long as you remain here, why not join us in our council?" Aragorn asked, his gray eyes wide and slightly wild-looking.  
  
Katie eyed him suspiciously before going postal. "Because I'm not supposed to be here! There was never a woman at the Council of Elrond and there never was meant to be! Have you all gone crazy? There are only nine members of the Fell-" she bit down on her tongue, not wanting to potentially wreck anything. "And my name's not Meriweather!"  
  
When no response to that tirade was forthcoming, she flung up her arms and moved to stalk out. She got no further than the ring of seats before she ran nose-first into an invisible barrier and fell flat on her rump. "Ow!"  
  
Katie climbed to her feet, ignoring the odd stares behind her, and experimentally pounded on the invisible wall. "Great, great, just great! I can't leave! What kind of nightmare is this?"  
  
She turned back to find Frodo had placed the ring on the stone pedestal in the middle of the circle of chairs, almost as if he had not noticed her little tantrum. Suddenly Katie was moving on her own, forced to draw closer to it, forced to look down and say something. She did not know what words came out of her mouth, but it was enough to make Legolas jump forward.  
  
"Don't you know what this is? It is the One Ring, and must be destroyed! You can't touch it!" Katie tried to fall back a step, but found herself still within the grasp of whatever held her. Yet her mouth still worked fine.  
  
"Since when does the prince of Mirkwood use contractions like 'don't'?" she muttered to herself.  
  
"Legolas is right, Lady Meriweather. The Ring is beyond anyone's power to touch," Aragorn asserted, still looking at Katie in that unnerving way that set her hackles rising.  
  
"I don't want the stupid ring," Katie ground out between clenched teeth. "All I want is to go home and watch the nine of you destroy it on my TV! Why can't you understand that?" Her face was red and she was panting hard as silence descended upon the council.  
  
And then she heard it: a soft sort of whispering that was easy to overlook. Katie strained to the utmost, willing to shut her mouth and simply listen. The whispers spoke of Rivendell, and of the glowing beauty of Lady Meriweather, upon whom Aragorn son of Arathorn looked with growing adoration.  
  
"Sheesh, hasn't this person ever heard of Arwen?" Katie muttered. Then suddenly a growing horror dawned upon her. She was listening to an author writing a story! And not just any story, the worst kind of them all: a Mary Sue. Something seemed to explode inside her skull, and Katie let out a long agonized scream, knowing that no one would notice her, because she was not part of the plotline. She crumpled into a ball on the ground and steadily began to beat her head against the flagstones. For some strange reason it felt comforting.  
  
Meanwhile, in total ignorance of their latest arrival and her lack of in- character actions, Frodo had declared that he would take the ring to Mordor. Gandalf was next to follow, badly mangling his lines about "helping Frodo undertake his quest." Then came Aragorn, who pried his eyes off Katie, or where she would have been had she been standing, long enough to pledge his sword.  
  
Legolas stepped forward. "My bow is yours, young hobbit."  
  
A sob came from the heap that was Katie. "My favorite character.and she butchered his lines."  
  
"As is my axe." Gimli joined the gathered foes, his face stoic and unreadable. There was a shout, and Sam came bolting up the steps, one furry foot landing in the middle of Katie's back as he ran to take his place at Frodo's side. The displaced girl merely groaned; she didn't have the effort to do anything else.  
  
"Master Frodo's not going anywhere without me," the stouthearted hobbit proclaimed.  
  
Katie lifted her head, and slowly got up, tottering a little as she waited for Elrond's "Indeed it is hardly possible to separate you" line. It never came as Merry and Pippin stumbled their way to the front, making some sort of excuse to come along. Katie was nearly beside herself in tears.  
  
"This is so painful." she whimpered to nobody in particular.  
  
"You carry the fate of us all, little one. If this is indeed the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done." Boromir delivered his line straight and true, and Katie just about applauded him.  
  
There was a lengthy pause. She could have heard a pin drop in Lothlorien. Katie wondered what they all were waiting for. Then the reality hit her.  
  
"Oh, no. No! There is *no way* I am going to volunteer myself to go on this quest, because there are only *nine* companions! You got that? *Nine!*" She stood there, howling up at the sky for what was at least five minutes before that same control seized her and forced her to say something along the lines of "Hey, can I come too?" And no matter how hard Katie kicked and screamed within herself, she could not prevent it.  
  
"Ten companions. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring," Elrond proclaimed.  
  
Katie hung her head in defeat. Well, tried to.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
[Ahem. So what did you think? Press the little button down there and tell me, please?] 


	2. Decisions

Disclaimer: Not mine, but hot elf lords are always welcome to drop by.  
  
Special thanks to:  
  
Sun Queen: Now *that* would make an interesting story, come to think of it.  
  
Morwen: Eat chocolate before you go to bed, I think it helps, *G*  
  
Starbrat: Many thanks for your review, I am devilishly pleased to hear you enjoyed it!  
  
Mrs. Bloom: Here's the second chapter, just for you!  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Two  
  
The Council of Elrond had ended, but Katie wasn't sure whether to be relieved or pissed off beyond reality. She was trapped. Trapped. The word had a definite ringing finality. Anger was turning into numbed shock, and Katie didn't even notice the scathing glares a few members of the council shot in her direction as she stumbled away.  
  
"Lady?" A nondescript elven maid slowly approached Katie and addressed her, large eyes luminous against her pale skin.  
  
The girl licked her dry lips and managed to respond, "Yes?"  
  
"Lord Eldrond has sent me to take you to your rooms. Come on with me." The girl's expression never wavered from one of curiosity, but Katie knew now it was not just from boredom or stupidity.  
  
"Can't even spell the poor elf's name right," she muttered, though it was no use. "The grammar in this story is just *awful*." The force seized her mouth and formed it into the shape of the author's answer, and Katie didn't even try to fight, she was too worn out.  
  
Wearily she followed the she-elf, until her jaw dropped in astonishment at the beautiful elven architecture. For all the author's faults, Rivendell was *gorgeous*. The greenery was lush, and everything seemed to be blooming. Graceful arches soared above her head, and elegantly poised statues beckoned from sheltered alcoves. They turned down a long corridor, and it wasn't long before the nameless elf halted in front of a door and opened it.  
  
"Here you are, miss." And Katie was left alone to ponder her predicament. The chamber was lavishly decorated with carved furniture and tapestries. Idly Katie moved to examine it, only to sneer in disgust when she noted that it was a depiction of the Mona Lisa. "Can't she think up her own artwork?" Yet strangely there seemed to be nothing else wrong with the accommodations, and Katie flopped back on the bed with a sigh, her extremely long hair fanning out behind her.  
  
Why oh why did this have to happen to me? she lamented bitterly. As was often the case, she started to talk to herself in her head.  
  
Because life sucks.  
  
Shut up, who asked you?  
  
As a matter of fact, you did. Besides, it could be worse.  
  
Oh it could? Katie demanded acidly. I don't think so, but let's recap: I landed in the middle of the Council of Elrond, and half of the occupants have the personality of a cucumber, Aragorn of all people thinks I am the most angelic creature he has ever laid eyes on *even though* he is really the only one of the Fellowship at this point that actually *has* a lady- love, Legolas my *favorite* character doesn't even have good lines and he uses *contractions* for pity's sake, Merry and Pippin have the sense of bumbling idiots, *and*.and. she ran out of steam at that point.  
  
Well, you could have a whole vicious love cycle involving Boromir and Legolas to go along with Aragorn, the opposite half of her brain pointed out.  
  
Eeep! *Will* you be quiet?! I don't actually *want* it to happen, but knowing my luck now that you've.that I've.er, whatever, *said* that, it's going to! Kindly shut up!  
  
Fine.  
  
Silence descended mentally, and Katie concentrated on listening to the words of the author, who was now concentrating on some long and involved flashback scene with Aragorn. A sudden thought occurred to her. If the author's attention was focused solely on Aragorn at this point in time, that meant that she wasn't even controlling Katie/Meriweather.  
  
On suddenly quick feet, Katie dashed to the doorway, experimentally waving one hand through the air, not wishing to encounter any more invisible barriers. There was a dull thonking noise as her fist rapped up against exactly what she had hoped *not* to find.  
  
"No way out there." she muttered aloud, turning in a slow circle. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the sheer curtains by the only window, stirring in a fitful breeze. In a flash, Katie stuck her head out, then climbed to the sill. Balancing precariously, she poked with one foot to ensure that there was no barrier of any sort, and then carefully stepped out onto a handy narrow ledge.  
  
Shoving her fear aside, she pressed herself flat against the cool stone and inched along, hoping to find an empty room that she could exit through. Yet when she reached the first window, a sudden cry caused her to lose her footing and fall sideways.  
  
"Ow." Katie's voice was muffled by the carpet.  
  
Gentle hands touched her shoulders, even as the girl rolled over of her own volition. "Are you all right?" a soft and melodious voice inquired.  
  
Katie blinked, massaging the shoulder she'd landed on. "Yeah, I-Arwen!"  
  
The Evenstar straightened suddenly from her graceful crouch that only an elf could have managed. "How does a stranger such as you know my name? And what is yours, for your manner of dress is unknown to me."  
  
"I'm *Katie*. Not Meriweather." Katie staggered to her feet, gingerly feeling for bruises. "And well.um, your father told me about you."  
  
A look of dismay crossed Arwen's fair features. "My father knows naught of me. I am imprisoned here, and there is no escape. I feel as an animal in a cage, but there is none in Imladris that seem to remember my very existence." She sat in a nearby chair, her reaction carefully controlled.  
  
"And I thought I had it bad." Katie muttered. "Nobody at all? Have you been running into invisible walls?"  
  
The she-elf gazed at her unexpected visitor gravely. "Yes, but how know you of this?"  
  
Katie began pacing. "The author's ignoring you, that's what it is. You don't figure into her plans, and therefore she's keeping you locked up. It's not fair!" She spun to face Arwen. "You're completely in-character, and I'm not *even* a character!" Katie continued in her circuit, mumbling to herself.  
  
"Do you mean to say that there is some foul evil controlling us thus? But such magic should have no bearing in the Last Homely House. My father's magic would protect us!"  
  
Katie gazed at the Evenstar, a sorrowful knowing look. "This kind of magic goes too deep for even Lord Elrond to fathom. He's even under its spell."  
  
"No, it cannot be!" Arwen gasped. "We must do something, Katie. We must!"  
  
The girl might have giggled at the fair elven maiden pronouncing her proper name, were the situation not so serious. "I don't know what to do! The author controls me too. I am at her mercy, there's nothing I can do." Desperation filled her with panic, and Katie slumped to the floor, hugging her knees to her chest.  
  
"Yet you are here, of your own volition if I am not mistaken," Arwen said softly. "That must be the key. Do not despair."  
  
Katie raised her face. "I'll try not to.but this is just so *awful*."  
  
The whispered words seemed to rise in intensity, and the girl started in fear. "Oh no."  
  
"What troubles you?"  
  
"She's finished Chapter Two."  
  
A great wind seemed to sweep the room, and Arwen raised one arm to protect her face as her lustrous hair was whipped about her face. By the time the wind had died, the stranger by the name of Katie had disappeared.  
  
  
  
[You are hereby ordered to press the button. Thank you.] 


	3. A Feast

Disclaimer: *Yes*, they *are* mine.wait. Nope, sorry, my medication just wore off.  
  
A few notes:  
  
Firebird: Would you believe that your Short bit is what inspired me to write this? And I *loved* your Story With No Title. I feel honored that you're reading this!  
  
Starbrat: Glad to see you're still with me! Hmm, working together.oh, the plotbunnies!  
  
Myfanwy: Yikes, I don't think I'll *ever* be as good as OFUM, but thanks for the vote of confidence!  
  
Esgalinzil: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I know, I like Firebird's work too.  
  
Winterfox: Hey, nice to see you again! It would be a short story, unfortunately.but that's not a bad idea.  
  
Drake Silverclaw: Well, you know, sometimes I have to hit you over the head with the *Magic Hammer of Grammar* to get things through your skull.  
  
Mrs. Bloom: I'm pleased you liked my *ahem* interpretation of Arwen. She doesn't seem OC, does she?  
  
And now I must leave you to ponder.  
  
  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Three  
  
Every joint in her body seemed to hurt. Katie stirred very slowly, opening one sore eyelid to determine her surroundings. A ceiling carved with entwined vines greeted her, and she groaned aloud, because it hurt too much to scream. It felt like she'd been pulled apart and put back together and holy cow did it *hurt*. Not to mention the whole thing hadn't been a nightmare after all.  
  
There was a gentle knock on the door to her room, and Katie was working up the energy to reply, when the same nameless elven maid quietly opened the door and slipped inside, armed with towels and other assorted items.  
  
"Lady Meriweather, Lord Elfrond has decreed that there is to be a feast tonight, before you depart in the morning."  
  
Katie wished to the highest level of heaven that there had been some way to bring earplugs with her. "You poor, poor nameless insert," she said sympathetically, knowing the comment would be overlooked because it was not in the author's script and such little characters were completely under her control. "She's put a hole in your tongue; you can't even pronounce your lord's name right."  
  
The she-elf continued heedlessly, "I have come to help you bathe and dress in the manner that befits those of our world. Lord Elrond had feared you would not know."  
  
"Bravo!" Katie cheered. She applauded, but her fingers protested about such movement. Egads, the penalty for being out of the author's canon was painful.  
  
There was a familiar tingle in her brain, but the girl quickly spared the author the trouble. "All right, fine by me," she glowered grudgingly. Then the thought that she did *not* want some strange elf in the same room while her clothes were not *on* her wormed inside her brain.  
  
"Um, I don't suppose you could wait outside?" Katie asked hesitantly, praying the author was being reasonable about this.  
  
To her great relief, the servant's expression actually changed to a half- smile and she replied, "Ah. I had forgotten about human privacy taboos. As you wish."  
  
"Thank God," Katie mumbled, then her mouth fell open in astonishment as a wooden door magically materialized on one of the walls. The elven maid reached to open it, and she could glimpse the bathing room beyond. "There are a heckuva lot of plot holes in this story," she grumbled, whisking past the she-elf and locking the door firmly behind her.  
  
The bath in itself was quite pleasant; in the hot water all Katie's problems seemed to melt away. The scented, steamy water was very relaxing, and the girl was very seriously considering staying in the tub forever and not facing the hellish nightmare that reared its horrendous head outside the door.  
  
But then the author's words whispered sinisterly in her ear, and mechanically she was made to get out, dry off, and get dressed in a ridiculous filmy gown of deep rose that suddenly materialized on a handy chair. It was so dark it was practically magenta, and the whole matter wasn't helped by the fact that pink was Katie's *least* favorite color, *and* the stupid dress was so long she kept tripping on it.  
  
When she emerged from the bathroom, she was immediately pounced upon by her still-nameless handmaid, who brushed her blinding mane of raven hair out so that it was dry in five seconds flat.  
  
"She's meddling with *time*!" Katie was rapidly despairing of this wretched story ever getting better. Her elven companion didn't answer as she plaited the girl's hair and twisted it elaborately around her head in a crown-like manner, pinning it in place with what unsurprisingly appeared to be bobby pins.  
  
"Bet the Dwarves had fun making those," Katie said sarcastically. Her foul mood was quickly returning and gaining momentum.  
  
A sudden knock sounded at the door, and Katie tuned in to the author's words to discern who it might be. It was Aragorn, coming to escort her to the banquet.  
  
"Why, oh why am I not surprised?" she moaned, drawing herself up and reaching for the knob. "Aragorn, son of Arathorn," Katie greeted formally, at least *pretending* to be gracious and well-mannered. She forced herself to look at the situation logically. Why expend all of her energy now resisting the author's each and every attempt? There would be lapses in the story where the attention would be off of her, and those were what she needed to focus on and plan for.  
  
The only problem that presented itself was, what *could* she do? While she had apparently more freedom, if it could even be called that, than Arwen, she was still limited. Yet Katie was given no time to ponder as Aragorn responded, "Your beauty is breathtaking beyond all expectation. It is as if I have strayed into a dream. Would you do me the honor of accompanying me to this evening's festivities?"  
  
His hazel eyes were so honest, so beguiling.  
  
"Certainly, Aragorn, if you'll kindly *stop wasting your lines for Arwen on me!*" Katie expelled through clenched teeth, face permanently frozen in a smile. The author was so kind to take control of her conversation at that point, and nothing else that chapter that came from Katie's mouth was her own.  
  
Dinner was elegant, and the guests were adept at idle chatter that sounded like words but was actually not coherent. The only ones that did not participate in the general background noise were Legolas, Gimli, the hobbits (who were more intent on eating in the first place) Boromir, Gandalf, and Elrond. Only the obligatory crowd was actually allowed any interaction with Katie.  
  
She chatted with Elrond about elves, Gandalf about magic, Boromir about swords and his lack of wife (which caused the girl inside Meriweather no end of torment, because it seemed there *was* about to be a vicious love cycle), and the hobbits about the Shire. The Mary Sue seemed to get knowledge and insight about Middle Earth from out her nose, and mentally Katie was curled in upon herself in agony, rocking like a young child that needed to be comforted.  
  
Strangely, the one thing that comforted her was that Legolas and Gimli seemed to be adverse to her presence. She'd much prefer them hating her instead of blindly adoring her, although Gimli was usually ignored in the first place.  
  
As Aragorn escorted her from the grand hall after the feast, she caught sight of a lone figure lurking in the shadows, eyes gleaming in the rising moonlight. An uncontrollable surge of fear mixed with hope rose inside Katie. Fear at what the author was about to do, and hope that perhaps the figure was a free character that had noted something amiss in the canon.  
  
In the garden, Aragorn uttered some completely mushy and soppy love poetry, earning him a kiss from Meriweather. Katie did her best to detach herself from reality at that point, singing songs about purple dinosaurs in her head at the loudest mental volume possible. Then the Ranger slipped off into the deep night.  
  
Katie stumbled to a nearby bench, presumable to reflect over the evening in the milky moonlight, but she was more concerned about the dark shadow she had seen. Hairs prickled along the back of her neck, seconds before a diamond point of light was thrust into her face. It was an arrow, pointed directly at her throat.  
  
[Hmm.why don't you leave me a review telling me how much you hate cliffhangers? Oh yeah, and you could mention what you thought of the chapter! ( ] 


	4. Enemies or Allies

Disclaimer: Nope, not mine, because if they were I'd own Legolas, and to my utter dismay, I don't. Darn.  
  
Now, to the obligatory thank yous:  
  
Kadama: I hate cliffhangers when I'm on the receiving end, but it really is fun to write them. LOL  
  
Feevez: Ha ha, sounds to me like you're a P.P.C. candidate. Check out some of the stories sometime. Death to Mary Sues!  
  
Furius: Pleased to meet you, and I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far!  
  
Sun Queen: My loyal reviewer! (I know I have more, but you were my first) It's nice to know I can keep an audience. This chapter is dedicated to you!  
  
D45: Hmm.we'll see about the love cycle. Maybe I should take a vote. We'll get to Legolas. Originally it was going to be a Legolas Mary Sue, but I like him too much to subject him to Meriweather.  
  
Starbrat: Another loyal reviewer! I had a hard time deciding who to use too. Part of me wanted to just kill her off and be done with it. But that would make for a short story, wouldn't it? And I'm having fun!  
  
S Smith: Welcome, and I'm very happy that you like what I've written so far!  
  
Mizalaye: I enjoyed your review very much! Nice, long and specific. LOL, thank you thank you. I used to write Mary Sues before I knew what they were and I was the *worst* Mary Suer you could ever imagine. I burn my old stories when I find them. Please keep reviewing for me!  
  
Firebird: You are a genius. I just decided to take it a step further, but without you, there would be no story. My hat is off to you!  
  
I would like to apologize for how long this has taken me, because even I had a hard time deciding who would jump Meriweather. Trust me, it's not who you expect, but I hope you like it all the same.  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Four  
  
Katie froze in instinctual fear. In the darkness she could not make out the features of her assailant. A chilling wind knifed through her thin gown, but the glimmering arrowhead never wavered.  
  
"What.do you want?" she managed to force out. Her hands clenched the edge of the stone bench, white-knuckled in apprehension.  
  
"We want our home back." A soft, dangerous voice hissed behind her. She jerked to look for the source, but another deadly arrow tip pricked just below her ear. A warm drop of blood bubbled on her cold skin.  
  
"Ever since you came to our realm using some foul magic we know naught of, our existence has been forgotten. It is you who has caused our lord to suffer entrapment within his own mind, the downfall of Estel, and all else that is amiss."  
  
"This is not my choice," Katie choked past her tight throat. "I am as helpless and trapped as Lord Elrond. There is a power greater than all of us that dictates everything I do, *and* what Lord Elrond and the real Fellowship also does." She drew a deep shuddering breath, locking eyes on the shadow in front of her. "If my actions were my own, I would have *never* done anything except crawled into the bushes and perhaps thrown myself off a balcony the instant I had appeared in that stupid council!"  
  
"Why should we trust you, *Katie*?"  
  
A half-laugh escaped, though the girl tried her best to smother it. "You're free, then. Free elves that the author has overlooked." Yet free or not, they still had not lowered their weapons. Relief was premature.  
  
"Explain yourself. What mean you by 'author?'" the attacker behind Katie demanded, digging his arrow more fiercely into her neck.  
  
She shied away, but the second elf didn't allow her to move too far. "The magic you think controls your world, all of Middle Earth, is a fanfiction author. My life and those of the Fellowship and all else concerned are at the mercy of a preteen."  
  
"You speak lies!" the assailant before her accused. "Do you mean to say that we are naught but words on parchment?"  
  
On a computer screen is more like it, Katie thought to herself. Yet she was still in dire straits and had no way of proving her claims. "Just like me. I can't help what I am forced to do. But as some great author once said, 'No less than any living creature whose life is guided by some unseen hand. For are not our lives but a story, a small part written and entwined in the volumes of a Greater Tale, one that we follow and yet cannot hope to fully understand?' How do I know if my real world isn't also some story somebody thought up one day?"  
  
This seemed to throw the two elves for a moment. The visible one recovered quickest. "Nevertheless, that is neither here nor there. Even from what little information you have furnished us, I can think of no other way. We must have our world intact. Loathe as I am to do it, it seems the only course of solution is to end your life."  
  
The statement was so blunt that all Katie could do was blink. Time seemed to slow as she struggled to respond. She saw the arrow being drawn back, heard the tenseness fill the bowstring, felt her last breath fill her lungs.  
  
"Elladan, hold!"  
  
A gasp burst from the girl, and she doubled up, panting in sudden relief. The commanding voice caused the twin sons of Elrond to lower their bows. Sudden tears overwhelmed Katie, and she thoughtlessly brushed them away, so grateful was she to be able to draw one more breath, think one more thought.  
  
"'Tis not her fault. I have spoken with Arwen."  
  
"Father? Is it truly you?" Elladan asked, still on guard.  
  
The elven lord stepped into the moonlight, his features sharply illuminated. His eyes were wise and alive, and a grave frown replaced his former blank expression. "Yes, and I know what haunts Meriweather."  
  
A shudder ran through Katie's body at the mention of that name.  
  
"Or should I amend, Katie?" Her eyes suddenly met Elrond's a wild hope shining through them. "Yes, child, I am now free of that power of which you speak. And I know of your own struggles against it." The lord of Imladris seemed to gaze sternly at Elladan and Elrohir.  
  
The twins seemed to shame beneath that look, and came before Katie, bowing in a stately manner. "Our apologies for our rash actions."  
  
You almost *killed* me and yet you can apologize just like that? she thought with no small amount of irony. *Elves!* "Think nothing of it," Katie replied, favoring them with an incredibly nice glare. She wiped at the blood on her neck with the sleeve of her hideous gown.  
  
"I may have the answer to this curse upon us," Elrond began.  
  
Her ears perked up at that, and Katie forgot all about her stupid dress, being almost murdered, and living a life worse than death. Well, almost all about it. "Please, I'll try anything. *Anything!*" Begging? Oh yes, it was not below her, not in a situation like this.  
  
The wise elf was just opening his mouth in reply, when in a great burst of light, all shadows and vestiges of night fled. The sun had risen in the speed it would take lightning to strike. Katie fell backwards off the stone bench in surprise.  
  
To her utter horror, Elrond and his sons had vanished. She began pounding her head against the cool rock that was at a convenient height level before bewailing her fate to the highest heavens in one long cry of "No!"  
  
Sufficiently out of breath, and having no other recourse but to find out what in the heck had happened, the girl hauled herself to her feet. And then, with a practice common in all Mary Sue stories, Katie glanced down to see what in the name of the Valar she was wearing.  
  
"Okay, I'll admit she could've done worse," she muttered. At least she wasn't going to be forced to wear a dress for the whole trip. Sturdy leather leggings, a warm undertunic, and an embroidered overcoat made up her traveling outfit, and even her boots could probably stand up to the harsh terrain. Katie was studying the intricate design on her coat, only to her disgust to figure out that it was a pattern of hearts, when Aragorn approached her.  
  
She steeled herself, quickly bringing all her purple dinosaur songs to the fore.  
  
  
  
[Beg your pardon that it took so long to finish. Life is not nice sometimes. Anyway, to make me feel better, how about a few reviews? I'm aiming for 30 total! *Nudge* ]  
  
[Oh, and a P.S. : The quote Katie uses is taken from "The Fanfic Lounge", and I do not know who wrote it, although I highly recommend it to any and all lovers of the real Lord of the Rings canon. Sorry for interrupting your review. You *were* leaving one, right?] 


	5. Unexpected

Disclaimer: I wish they were mine, I really do. Especially the ones with the deep eyes you can just fall into.*ahem* Excuse me, didn't mean to go all sappy on you. Not. Mine. Thank you.  
  
To my loyal reviewers:  
  
Aldarona-Finarfin: I'm very glad you like it, and even happier that you reviewed! Please don't be afraid to make suggestions and offer opinions!  
  
Firebird: Thanks ever so much for your review, I am honored that you are still reading this. You have no idea how pleased I am!  
  
Hikaness: Welcome, welcome! I'm pleased to add you to my thank you list! I hope you keep reading!  
  
Starbrat: Ah yes! Now there is an interesting thought. I might have to try it. LOL. This is *your* chapter, because you are another of my first reviewers! And I've read some of your work and enjoyed it. So from a fellow author, thanks!  
  
Mizalaye: Yay! I'm so happy you're still with me, I value your reviews a lot! I'm especially gratified that you liked the last chapter, I wasn't sure how it was going to turn out.  
  
Whew! I'm trying to visit all of your guys' FF.net pages and read some of your stuff in return, so bear with me if I am slow getting chapters out. Thanks, and now onward! Oh, and Christine Linnell is the genius behind "The Fanfic Lounge".  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Five  
  
Oh dear God, no. Katie prayed, cringing away from the poor out-of- character Ranger. She was steeling herself for another pathetic and equally horrible innuendo that would probably end up as a prelude to a kiss, when Aragorn handed her a light elvish sword, plus a bow and quiver of arrows.  
  
What in the name of St. Agatha does he expect me to do with *these*? she demanded to herself irritably.  
  
"So you can defend yourself, Lady," he informed her, almost as if he had heard her thoughts.  
  
"I see. And pray tell, when am I to *learn* how to defend myself?" Katie asked in a voice dripping with sour honey.  
  
Apparently, something along those lines were what the author was looking for, because Aragorn smiled (an expression that showed far too many crooked teeth, despite whatever the author had been trying to picture) and leaned closer.  
  
Katie could not turn away, and Meriweather was at her brightest and best. "I shall teach you, Meriweather."  
  
"I look forward to it, Strider," was the Mary Sue's coy reply.  
  
Someone kill me now! Katie shrieked.  
  
ZIIP! An arrow flew past the girl's nose, and she jerked back in response. Legolas stood at the head of the steps leading into the garden. Meriweather/Katie glared in the elf's direction.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?"  
  
What does he think he's doing?!  
  
At that precise moment, the Mary Sue's thoughts and those of the desperately trapped fan that was Katie merged in a sudden inexplicable crash of sound and light. All of a sudden, things seemed to be compounded, overlaid. There were two Aragorns occupying the space of one. They were like shadows, wrestling with one another.  
  
Katie observed with fearful awe as the warrior that clearly was the true Aragorn battled with the totally different character the author had created. The Ranger's rugged features were contorted in silent agony, as he tried again and again to assert his true personality through the shadow that was the author's version.  
  
The girl within the Sue swung her gaze to where the hobbits were clustered together near Bill the pony. The same scene confronted her, with Merry and Pippin being the most ferocious of the strugglers. Slowly the concept dawned upon her. The more the two apparitions that were the characters fought, the more out of character they were, if that made any sense.  
  
Boromir seemed to be waging a war against his false self, fighting with all the passion and feeling he had so long been denied through the incoherent and insubstantial plot. Gimli, standing next to the man of Gondor and frowning openly at Meriweather, seemed to be himself.was he free?  
  
But Legolas.Legolas was truly the puzzle. There was no second shadow plaguing the elf, save for an occasional flicker. What did it mean? A sneaking suspicion slowly grew. The author had said that Legolas loathed Meriweather.and indeed as much had been proven, though he had yet to openly confront her. Surely the true Legolas must also hate the Sue's very presence also. In most senses then, the Mirkwood elf was free, ghosting in and out with the canon.  
  
Sudden realization took over, and Katie peered at her own self. Two shadows, but they stood as one being. She could see the form of Meriweather, lustrous black hair and all, but there was also her true body, clad in her green dragonfly pajamas. An idea slowly formed, and Katie did not hesitate to act upon it.  
  
"Estel!" she hissed, trying to get the true Aragorn's attention.  
  
With a resounding clash of sound and light, Middle-Earth snapped back into its twisted reality. It was as if no time had passed at all. Legolas still stood poised on the stairs, and Aragorn was angrily berating him for frightening Meriweather.  
  
As the wood elf murmured an apology that was obviously not one at all, Gandalf emerged from an inner room and followed him.  
  
"My companions," the wizard began, "we have a long journey ahead of us. We'll head for the Rainy Mountains-"  
  
"The *Misty* Mountains, you imbecile!" Katie managed to yell before the author forced her to clam up, giving all speech and movement to Meriweather.  
  
"-and if we find any trouble, we'll go instead over Caradhras." The Istari glanced around as if asking for questions. When there were none forthcoming, he pointed in one direction with his staff and proclaimed as if it were some monumental moment, "Onward!"  
  
[Kind of short, I know. But inspiration struck, and I didn't want to make you guys wait to see another plot twist. As suggested by D45, would a love triangle be of any interest? Leave a review, and tell me yay or nay, and who you think it the other guy should be. Thanks!] 


	6. Pressing On

Disclaimer: If I owned them, do you think I'd be spending my time writing about them? No, I thought not. There would be *much* more important things to do.  
  
And now, in no particular order:  
  
Aralanthiriel: I loved your review, and I am *very* pleased that you are reading this. Your Hidden Archives of Middle-Earth are very well-kept, and to me you're like a celebrity! I couldn't be prouder if even Miss Cam posted a review. Thanks!  
  
Mary Borsellino: Glad to hear you enjoyed it! Please tell me if I get too serious. I wouldn't want to lose my humor rating!  
  
ElvenPickle: Mwahaha, don't worry, I love cruel and unusual punishments.in fact, I live for them! Actually, I'm thinking along those same lines, but the idea is still in the works. I'm making this up as I go!  
  
Babs: Thanks for the enthusiastic encouragement! I promise to write more for you, if *you* promise to keep reviewing! (Yeah, pathetic aren't I? I live for reviews!)  
  
Eiluned: Stumbling is good, I've found quite a few gems myself on FF.net by tripping over them. Hee hee, thanks for your review, keep reading!  
  
Melilot Millstone: Hey Kel! What are you talking about, *we are* the P. P. C.! Annoy me all you want, it helps me get motivated faster! Hee hee, (  
  
Violet Dawson: Thanks for your words of praise, I appreciate them! As for the plot, I will say again thanks to Firebird for the basic idea. I only took it a few steps further, and I am so pleased that you like it!  
  
Seventeens Stalker: I hope I can keep you riveted! Thanks for the vote of confidence!  
  
Mizalaye: You have no idea how much I covet your reviews. A thousand times thank you! We're going to work with the love triangle, and I hope it meets your expectations in future chapters!  
  
Wow, I've got a lot of new reviewers! And I made my quota of reviews for Chapter 4! Thanks a bunch you guys, it means a lot. This chapter is dedicated to Mizalaye, for her nice long reviews, and her constructive comments!  
  
Now to what you've all been waiting for:  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Six  
  
Walking was boring. There was no way around it. Up this hill only to go down that one. And the situation wasn't helped any by the fact that Meriweather only wanted to be by Aragorn and make insipid fawning comments about everything he did.  
  
Katie was slowly going mad. She had always wondered what it would be like, and now she knew. Of course, she'd figured she'd be in one of those rooms with the padded walls mumbling to herself for the rest of her days. Not trapped inside some incredibly tall and willowy perfect chic for the remainder of her life.  
  
She tried counting rocks, but that didn't work, because the author, having no imagination, used the same four boulders over and over again, like a continuous loop. Counting blades of grass didn't work either, but she'd rather do *anything* than listen to Meriweather prattle on endlessly to Aragorn, who sadly hung upon every word.  
  
Katie was just starting to conjure up a mental game of solitaire when there was an earthquake. Quite literally, for she was thrown in a most undignified manner to the ground.  
  
Groaning, she raised her head and shook it a few times. Uttering a quick prayer before cracking one eye open, Katie narrowly avoided cursing when she found that she was still in Middle-Earth. She had hoped that perhaps the canon had finally ruptured, or the author's computer had eaten her files or *something*.  
  
"Oh, great. We're doing distance leaps too, as well as time jumps. Peachy, just peachy!"  
  
Indeed, the terrain had changed dramatically, and it wasn't very difficult to figure out that the Fellowship plus one was perhaps minutes away from Legolas's sighting of "Crebain from Dunland!"  
  
The ringing of metal on metal distracted her, and Katie looked to her left to see Merry and Pippin practicing with Boromir, short swords flailing. Something suddenly whistled past her ear, and Katie glanced in surprise at Aragorn, who was swinging his sword at her.  
  
If Katie had been permitted to have a heart attack, there was no possible way she would have been standing at that moment. She keeled over instantly, reduced to gibbering indistinguishable language. At least, inwardly.  
  
Meriweather, on the other hand, was having a fantastic time, miraculously having become a daring swordswoman in the space of .3 seconds. The Mary Sue attacked, feinted, parried, and struck like she'd been born with a sword in her hand.  
  
There was a cry off to the left, from the direction of the dueling hobbits. Pippin and Merry had tackled Boromir, just as was supposed to happen, but Katie found her gaze pulled to the sky. From the corner of her eye, Legolas was doing the same.  
  
A shudder seemed to pass through her, and somehow she just *knew* what was going to happen. With her weak human eyes Katie could not see the spying flock she knew was coming, but then, Meriweather the Mary Sue was not human.  
  
"Aragorn, there are birds coming!" she reported, grabbing his arm urgently.  
  
Legolas was only seconds behind her: "Crebain from Dunland!"  
  
You wretched, evil Sue! Curse you for taking away one of his moments of glory! He's an elf, for pity's sake! There is *no* possible way you could have seen those creatures. May your rotten, putrescent hide decompose in the foulest of all orc lavatories!  
  
Katie's stream of inventive insults surprised even herself sometimes. She wanted to cry so badly it hurt. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs uncensored, but worst off all, she wanted to be *free*. Something she would probably never be.  
  
She could not know the author's intended ending, did not know what was in store for her. Would she end up marrying Aragorn and ruling as Queen of Gondor? Or would Katie get lucky and be hit by an orc's arrow, to have the unfortunate Ranger wail and lament her loss for the rest of the fanfic?  
  
She trembled to think of the possibilities.  
  
Her train of morbid thoughts was interrupted by Meriweather's sudden command of the situation. "Hide!" the Sue shouted, grabbing Aragorn and dragging him beneath a jutting ledge. The space was hardly big enough for two, and they only fit when Meriweather practically threw herself into Strider's arms.  
  
Katie recoiled mentally and tried to draw herself away from reality once again as the author's reviling innuendos took over. Was there no end to this torment?  
  
She set her mind to thinking of other things as the flapping of bird's wings filled her ears. Katie pondered just what had happened when her thoughts and those of Meriweather's had collided. If indeed such an in- between existed, was it plausible that she could break through to the real Middle-Earth? And then find a way out of this nightmare?  
  
The girl knew she had no more answers than she'd had when she'd woken up at the feet of Elrond way back in Chapter One.  
  
Meriweather and Aragorn had emerged from their small cubby, and the Mary Sue was helped to her feet by a gallant Boromir.  
  
Oh Eru. Katie had a feeling she knew what his actions were leading to. The look the man of Gondor directed at her was just a little *too* admiring.  
  
See! I told you this was going to happen, but *no* you had to go and tempt fate by stating that it would in the first place! she yelled at herself.  
  
Calm down, will ya? While you're busy panicking over love interests, *I'm* trying to figure out a way to get out of this mess. The logical part of her brain was ever cool and collected.  
  
Wouldn't *you* panic?! Well, of course you would, because you're part of me, and I'm already pretty freaked out.  
  
Why be concerned over what you can't change?  
  
How do we.er, I.know that we can't? There's got to be a way out, we just need to discover what it is.  
  
You're starting to sound schizophrenic.  
  
And?!  
  
Never mind.  
  
Thought so.  
  
Must you always have the last word?  
  
Yep.  
  
Fine.  
  
Fine.  
  
Okay, so at least arguing with herself passed the time. And kept her from dwelling on what Meriweather and pseudo-Aragorn were up to.  
  
The world seemed to crash and shake again, but amazingly Katie managed to keep what little senses she had left about her as she found herself on the pass of Caradhras.  
  
Decided to gloss over the bit with Boromir and the ring, did we? If I *ever* get my hands on you, you pathetic, flea-infested, mucus-for-brains author, you will be *very* sorry!  
  
There was a sniffle from someone close by, and suddenly the poor trapped girl became aware of a weight in her arms. That's when Katie realized that she was carrying a hobbit. Pippin, to be exact.  
  
Meriweather, being the angelic, big-hearted Mary Sue that she was, had decided to show off her formidable strength by relieving Boromir of Pippin. Of course the Sue would have no problem lugging a hundred and fifty pounds or so of halfling around, but by golly was the Took heavy!  
  
There was a shout from Gandalf somewhere up ahead, and then a mighty roar as the storm Saruman had created unleashed its fury against the snow. Peering upwards into the swirling flakes, Katie could just make out the tons of cold white stuff descending upon the Fellowship.  
  
A distant part of her mind told her that, yes, it was probably going to hurt a lot when it hit.  
  
Seconds later, Katie discovered that her mind was right.  
  
[I apologize for my lateness, but summer college courses bite. Especially when you're behind. I shall try to have the next chapter up as soon as possible, and lots of reviews are appreciated as motivation! Thank you all!]  
  
[Oh and a brief P.S.: I wrote a short story for Lord of the Rings called "One Moment, Untainted". As a single chapter, it doesn't get much attention, so I wondered if perhaps you might read it for me and tell me what you think. I promise you won't be sorry. ( ] 


	7. Faceoff

Disclaimer: I'm sure y'all know the drill by now . . . but if you don't, Legolas, Boromir, Elrond, and all the other cute guys are still not mine . . . much to my chagrin. You just can't get *anything* on Ebay.com these days . . .  
  
To my lovely reviewers:  
  
Star Queen: Thanks for your reviews, especially your praise on Arwen! Good luck with your fic, and I hope to read it soon!  
  
Cat-Chan: Pleased to hear you enjoyed it! As for book material, in the Mary Sue's world, there will not be any, because most Sue authors have only seen the movie and only vaguely remember what they choose to. Yet if Katie ever figures out how to get to the real Middle-earth, there will most likely be some things from the book. I'll have to see how it goes.  
  
GreyLadyBast: Don't worry, I try to read and review for my reviewers, when I have the time, which is not lately. And if you leave a review, you get mentioned! That isn't to say that I mention you if you only leave a good review . . . hee hee. Thanks for your encouragement, and I am only too pleased to leave you a note!  
  
Celtic Dreamer: Guilty as charged, yep. I used to *write* Mary Sues, until I got smart and began to burn my earlier work. I read Mary Sues until I discovered that it was possible to have an original plot within a standing storyline. (Scary! Still gives me the shivers.) Thank you for your high words of praise, and I hope to thank you in future chapters!  
  
NightShade: No no no, I appreciate rambling reviews! The longer, the more important I feel! (Once again, I'm pathetic, I know.) I will say that I don't have anything against well-written Mary Sues, but they had better be darn good, and taken in small doses. Hee hee, your rambling comments were loved, and I hope you keep reading!  
  
Rabia: Thanks for the good luck, I need all of it! (I have to write a paper and I've been putting it off for 2 weeks . . .) As per your request, I have disabled whatever setting it was that kept anonymous reviewers away, so please have your friends and compadres come and review!  
  
Melilot Millstone: Don't worry Kel. You'll never be on the receiving end of any of those insults . . . your mini-Balrog might, however. LOL, thanks for the promotion of my other story (the check's in the mail, hee hee) and even more for your faithful reviews!  
  
Nodalec: I'm very very happy to have impressed you! (So many people think I'm great or something, and I have no idea why . . .) About the P.P.C., I haven't quite decided what the ending shall be, but I definitely *have* considered it. I guess the best I can do is tell you (in a mysterious spooky voice) that you'll have to wait and find out!  
  
Violet Dawson: Yay! Thanks for taking the time to check out my other story! Hee hee, cookies are good . . . yummy! I will admit, I reveled in your praise . . . okay, I wallowed in it. I have a low self-esteem or something, but you've made my day!  
  
Mizalaye: A *real* review? What were you giving me before? As for the argument, it *does* get a bit muddled. There are actually only two voices . . . but they're trying to spoke each other's gears as much as possible. I blush to think of the confusion I've caused! Again, I hope the triangle lives up to everyone's expectations! And you deserve a chapter! (You may even get two, I like you so much!)  
  
Yow! I think I'm going to have to start putting all my thank-yous at the end so I don't get distracted before I actually get into the story!  
  
A few other notes: - I have now fixed my settings so that anonymous reviews can now be accepted, and I apologize for the previous inconvenience.  
  
- Thanks to all of you who took a look at *and* reviewed my brief short story, "One Moment, Untainted". It's my favorite piece on FF.net. I'm elated that you all thought highly of it!  
  
And now, onward and upward! Dedication of this chapter goes to . . . (drum roll please) Firebird! (Big surprise, right?) for her inspirational Short story, for without it, what you see before you would not exist.  
  
And we'd all be pretty sad, right? I thought so.  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
She shuddered suddenly and squinted. It was white. And cold. Katie opened her mouth to take a breath, and found that there was no air. She was buried alive under a large amount of snow!  
  
Panic seized her, and she fought against the snow that pinned her down, the lack of air making her movements all the more feverish. Her mind screamed that she had to get out, and she had better do it fast!  
  
The author's words came to her suddenly, even crushed as she was, unseeing, unfeeling under the enormous weight of the snow. Meriweather was unconscious! Aragorn and Boromir were digging desperately to reach her, but laden down as they were with hobbits, they stood no chance.  
  
Heedless of what she was apparently supposed to be doing, i.e. lying under the snow passed out colder than a rock, Katie clawed in the direction she hoped, she *prayed* was up. Just as black sparkles appeared at the edges of her vision, a strong hand delved deep into the snow and entwined itself in her mane of hair, yanking violently upward.  
  
Pain had never felt so good as Katie gasped and choked on the frigid air. The hand that had her hair suddenly let go and moved to support her arm. Still breathing the delicious air, Katie turned to see her savior.  
  
The blue eyes that met hers were cold. Once he saw that she was safely on her feet, Legolas let go and moved away, as if his continued contact with Katie somehow had dirtied him.  
  
"Wait," she tried to shout, but it was lost in the wind. The elf didn't even look back.  
  
Katie turned to see Aragorn and Boromir having a fevered conversation with Gandalf, concerning the well-being of Meriweather, gesturing animatedly at the indentation in the snow where she was supposedly lying unconscious. By some form of strange luck, Katie was still awake and thus consequently free of the author, until such time as Meriweather chose to awaken.  
  
Yet some of the characters were still within the author's iron grasp. All three men (if indeed one could call Gandalf a man) were still chatting amongst themselves. Sam was clinging to Bill's halter, and the other three hobbits were clustered together near him, watching their leaders argue. Legolas and Gimli stood together off to one side, apparently seeming to agree that they were *both* against Meriweather.  
  
It was the last two Katie decided to approach, remembering from her brief in-between visitation that they were the most likely to be in-character.  
  
"Master Elf, Master Dwarf," she said slowly, unsure of how to address them.  
  
Legolas lifted his chin but made no reply. Gimli grunted and shifted on his feet.  
  
"I wanted to thank you, Master Elf, for saving my life. Meriweather doesn't deserve it, and I'm not sure I do either, seeing as how I'm an unwilling part of her." She paused, not knowing how to continue.  
  
"So you would say. How do we know you speak the truth?" the prince of Mirkwood asked, raising his voice slightly against the howling wind. His stern gaze undercut his words.  
  
"I know I don't have any proof to offer, but you can see from Estel's reaction that he believes me, no, not me, *Meriweather* to be knocked out. My true name is Katie."  
  
Gimli finally spoke. "So we have learned from Lord Elrond and those of his house. But it is the folly of all elves to believe lies such as yours in the first place."  
  
"Nay, Master Dwarf," Legolas shot back. "I too sensed something amiss from her in my mind. Doubtless the feeble minds of dwarves could not detect such a thing."  
  
A low rumble came warningly from the stout being's throat. "I-"  
  
A sudden, invisible blow struck Katie from behind. A startled cry wrenched from her throat as darkness enveloped her, and she was snapped once more back into the twisted plotline from which she came.  
  
  
  
Somewhere between wakefulness and sleep, two minds collided and met once more in a resounding crash.  
  
There was Meriweather, an all-powerful Mary Sue backed by the most fearsome force and absolute control in the entire written world: an author on a p.c. Her beautiful eyes and glossy hair made her all the more ethereal, and she stood facing an opponent who was none of what she was.  
  
Katie squared her shoulders, reveling in the freedom of her own movements. In the vast white expanse where she stood facing Meriweather, she was wearing her pale green and purple dragonfly pajamas, bare feet complete with chipping blue nail polish planted firmly on what could be considered the floor. Her layered brown hair was in the awkward stage where she should really get it cut again but didn't want to, and her green eyes were narrowed in a primal rage.  
  
For all the Sue's magical powers and prowess with a sword, nothing could compare to the horrific anger that had been brewing inside the dedicated Lord of the Rings fan, and it was her greatest weapon.  
  
Katie did not give her opponent the chance to draw her sword: in two great leaps she had closed the distance and pounced upon her prey like a wildcat. Her nails dug deep into the exposed flesh of the Sue's face, and she grinned manically at the howl of pain she elicited.  
  
The two rolled on the floor, both kicking and screaming wordless insults. A fierce pleasure was stealing over Katie as she wrapped both hands around the Sue's throat and methodically banged her head against the unyielding floor. Revenge was like a fire that burned through her veins, and it felt so good.  
  
Her lust for retribution only temporarily satiated, Katie cast about for some way to finish the job . . . and noticed a sort of door.  
  
It wasn't quite round, but more of an oval shape. The edge seemed to fade and blur like fog, always stirring and moving. But the portal itself was the most intriguing thing.  
  
It was like looking at a reflection on the surface of a lake whose water had just been disturbed enough to make the picture nearly indistinguishable. Yet she thought she could make out the pass of Caradhras, and Meriweather's body.  
  
Katie approached the orifice slowly, drawing so close in her desire to bring the image before her into focus that she did not notice when the tip of her nose touched it.  
  
A noise like a gigantic vacuum cleaner sounded, and she found herself yanked forcibly through the portal.  
  
No, no! I thought I had it! I thought I defeated her! Why is this happening all over again?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Oblivion never seemed so sweet.  
  
[All right, kind of a mean place to end it (most likely confusing too) but I'm tired and wanted to give y'all something to read again! Do not worry, all confusion shall be explained in the next chapter! ::Starts to hum, "All I want for Christmas is 60 reviews"::] 


	8. Cold Awakenings

Disclaimer: Yeah, right. Hah!  
  
Notes of thanks:  
  
Amarth: As of this moment, I'm only one review short! But perhaps I'll be lenient and post this chapter anyway. Two chapters posted in one day's not too bad, is it?  
  
GreyLadyBast: *hangs head* Sorry about that. I'll try to keep my ego in check. In my defense, however, I *was* under-reviewed until I came up with this gem. I still don't know why so many people like this . . . in all honesty I never intended to finish it, but now I don't know . . . *grins wickedly*  
  
Bryn: No, it is *you* who are great! My reviews don't do your work justice! (You did know you're on my favorites list, didn't you?) I positively *love* your work, and mine doesn't even come close to yours! As for your Elrond question, see the rather long author's note at the end. An uprising would *definitely* make for some interesting writing and reading, wouldn't it? I'll have to see. And I would die a hundred deaths at the hand of Mary Sues the world over before I made this a Legolas fic. My feelings for Legolas, as close as I can explain them, are told in my brief "One Moment, Untainted". I could *never* do anything to him. And of course I shall keep the chapters coming! Thanks for the nice *long* review!  
  
ShellMel: I do enjoy mental conversations, because I have so many of them! I'm very pleased you like it, and (best Uncle Sam impression) I want YOU to keep reading!  
  
Tintalle Halfholbytla: LOL, at the time I read your review, I had just finished this chapter and had the urge to post it immediately . . . but then remembered that I hadn't included my author's thank yous. Anyway, your time of waiting is over, enjoy!  
  
Jossa Baggins: No problem, I'll try to keep the chapters coming!  
  
Violet Dawson: Yay! Cookies! *dives in madly* Yummy! Thanks Violet, I always look forward to reading your reviews, especially your enthusiastic demands for more! As for writing more short stories . . . I don't know if that was a one-time thing or not. I felt so passionately everything I was saying when I wrote that, I don't think I could ever do it again. Yet for some reason I'm still toying with the idea of a sequel. *slaps self back to reality* I don't know yet. Perhaps a vote is needed?  
  
Star Queen: Another of my favorite reviewers! I can't *wait* to see your elf-based story, and in the meantime I guess I'll have to content myself with reading your other work. Look for a review or two from me some time in the future! (And yes, I found Mary Sue bashing quite refreshing!)  
  
Jester: Don't worry, I'm getting around to more, just as soon as my schedule permits me. Glad to have you along!  
  
Starbrat: Ooh, you're still with me! Yes, and I can promise more catfights to come!  
  
Seventeens Stalker: Sorry, here it is! I hope you didn't wait too long!  
  
Mizalaye: Well, I've been kinda bad, doing fanfics when I'm supposed to be writing a paper . . . shh! Anyway, thanks for your continued reviews and faith in me! I hope this chapter is suitably explanatory, but if not, there's a nice long author's note at the end!  
  
Melilot: Don't worry, I know who you are! Keep cheering, because we're not done bashing Meriweather yet! Or is she not done bashing Katie yet? Hee hee . . .  
  
Ahem, I'd like to take this moment to dedicate this chapter to Violet Dawson, because her review for "One Moment, Untainted" kept me on Cloud 9 for a long, long time! Thanks for your overactive typing and your *wonderful* words of encouragement! (And the cookies!)  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
Aragorn, son of Arathorn blinked suddenly and shook his head. Something had just happened, but he could not recall what it was. To his right, Boromir looked equally confused, and Gandalf was tugging his beard with a look of thoughtfulness on his face.  
  
The wizard was the first to speak. "I feel as if a great weight has been lifted from my mind." He shifted his grip on the staff he held, bracing himself against the freezing wind.  
  
His companions nodded their assent. "I feel as if I have waged a battle with an unseen foe, and have finally triumphed," Boromir said, drawing a deep breath and casting a furtive glance around. "Might there be some enemy about?"  
  
Gandalf pierced Aragorn with a direct gaze, as the Ranger peered into the flying snowflakes to make out a dim form lying in a snowbank. Unwelcome memories flooded back to him, and he took a step backwards in horror. "Aragorn? What troubles you?" the wizard asked, concerned.  
  
Wordlessly the heir of Isildur pointed, not trusting his voice to hold steady if he were to speak.  
  
Gandalf and Boromir followed his lead, and the latter moved forward to catch a better glimpse. The man of Gondor knelt in the snow, looking back to make sure his companions were behind him, should he require assistance.  
  
The motionless girl stirred briefly, and raised her head from where she was lying face down. Her eyes focused upon Boromir, and she let out an ear- piercing shriek before scrabbling backwards madly on all fours.  
  
Boromir, for his part, let loose his own cry of surprise before reaching for his sword hilt. "Who are you, she-devil?" he demanded. He did not recognize her immodest manner of dress, nor the short style of her hair, but every instinct within him screamed against her.  
  
"J-just s-stay aw-way from m-me," she stuttered through chattering teeth. He realized that she wore nothing upon her feet, and her indecent sleeveless tunic did nothing against the cruel cold of Caradhras.  
  
"Do you not remember her, Boromir?" Aragorn called warily from behind him.  
  
The man of Gondor squinted slightly, even as he unclasped his cloak to give to her. With longer hair and a slightly thinner face . . . "Ai!" His cloak fell from nerveless fingers. "The witch who put us under her spell!"  
  
"No!" She cried through blue lips. "I d-did n-not do it-t." She took a deep breath, choking on the cold air. "I w-was un-nder the control of-f a g-r-reater pow-wer. P-please," she begged, "y-you m-must believe m-me."  
  
Boromir looked about at the other members of the Fellowship. Aragorn stood poised as if ready to flee. Frodo looked thoughtful, while the rest of the hobbits clearly didn't trust the girl. Gandalf was oddly silent, and the man could not tell his thoughts for his hat shadowed his face. Legolas and Gimli said nothing, but their hostile postures needed no interpreting.  
  
"Katie."  
  
The girl jerked as if she'd been slapped. She'd made no move to claim Boromir's forgotten cloak, but sat curled into a miserable ball, awaiting the pronouncement of her fate.  
  
All looked over to see Merry wading through the snow. The hobbit paused before her, a strange look on his face. "I remember you, at the council in Rivendell. You tried to walk out, but couldn't."  
  
Trembling, the most Katie could do was nod.  
  
"You were trapped there." Merry did not make it a question.  
  
She jerked her head in a nod again, rubbing her arms to keep warm. The small hobbit before her caught up Boromir's cloak from the ground and held it out gravely. She tried to read his eyes, but could not discern if he believed her or not. Slowly she shook her head.  
  
"I w-will not t-take it. I w-wish nothing m-more than to die, so sh-she can-not take me b-back. I w-won't suf-fer an-nymore." Her eyes spoke of a pain that she had been forced to endure, the things she had been made to do. Unconsciously they strayed to Aragorn's face, and Katie flinched, remembering something. "An-nd I w-will n-not s-stay here, f-for then I am- m n-no b-better than-n the author."  
  
Heedless of her protest, Merry draped the garment over her shoulders. "Dying solves no problems," he replied simply.  
  
"Right you are, Meriadoc. It never solves anything. My memories return to me, and I believe that you may yet find an answer to this curse upon us all." Gandalf's voice was warm and reassuring.  
  
Nevertheless, Katie fought him on his statement. "B-but y-you are all b- back wh-where you belong. The on-nly th-thing out of-f p-place is m-me." It was impossible to say what emotions were going through her. The wizard saw she was clearly desperate and distressed, wanting only to rectify the damage she had inadvertently caused by being controlled by the 'author.'  
  
"Nay, Katie. Listen closely to your mind."  
  
Briefly her eyes closed, and then a look of unspeakable fear crossed her face, and she cried out, "No! No, it c-can't be!"  
  
"You hear her, don't you? For there is also another within me as well." Gandalf shuddered imperceptibly as he attempted to ignore the small voice that claimed to be him. The shadow that had taken him earlier. "We all still suffer, not you alone."  
  
"I hear it," Aragorn whispered, face paling as snow built in his hair. "It cannot be me, it cannot be."  
  
"Y-you m-mean . . .?"  
  
"The 'author' you spoke of still possesses power, and even if you were to perish, that evil which is called Meriweather would still live on, only she would gain access to the true, unspoiled Middle-earth, and Sauron would likely be the least of our worries." Gandalf's direct intensity gave the girl pause.  
  
A sudden gust of wind brought more snow down from above, and all of the Fellowship ducked , pressing themselves against the face of Caradhras. Katie yanked the cloak over her head, for she was so frozen that she couldn't move fast enough to escape the deluge.  
  
"Quickly, get her out! And then we must descend Caradhras, lest we all fall under its wrath," Gandalf cried. Spurred by his words, Aragorn and Boromir fell to unearthing Katie. She met them on her struggle upwards, movements stiff and feeble.  
  
Coming face to face with Aragorn, she barely restrained a shriek that came out as a choked whimper, inadvertently recalling a particularly unpleasant innuendo. The Ranger did not wish to meet her eyes, but offered her a hand up nonetheless.  
  
There was a brief discussion as to what was to be done about her clothes, but none of the nine males had anything suitable. In the end they settled for wrapping her feet in rags and loaning Katie an extra shirt of Sam's and a pair of Aragorn's leggings.  
  
Aragorn and Boromir turned their attention aside to forcing a path down off Caradhras, using their stature and might. Their large forms disappeared into the gusting snow, and Legolas accompanied them, having said nothing since the world seemed to have been set to rights.  
  
The hobbits remained packed together behind Bill to ward off the snow, and Gimli stood near Gandalf, looking about uneasily.  
  
That left Katie to herself . . . and the presence in her mind that was Meriweather.  
  
[Erm, all right, I *won't* beg for a specific number of reviews anymore. But I can still beg for reviews in general! (LOL, I was told that I was getting greedy . . .) And thank you to the people who have me on their favorites list! I feel so loved! (Right, take pin, deflate head . . .) Anyway, I received a question from a reader, and this author's note is to hopefully help you understand better.  
  
To recap: Katie woke up in Rivendell, having no clue how she came to be there. As a true LOTR fan, she soon realized that it was not the real Rivendell complete with real characters, but an author's fabrication, and that she herself was a Mary Sue named Meriweather. The author can make Meriweather/Katie do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and Katie can't do anything but bemoan her fate inside her head.  
  
Similarly, all interactive characters are also under the author's control, and are subsequently devoid of anything resembling thought. However, since most Mary Sue authors have really only seen the movie, their knowledge of actual characters is nil.  
  
Enter for example Elladan and Elrohir, who were never mentioned in the movie. The author doesn't know they exist, and therefore she doesn't restrict them in the same way she does Arwen. Therefore the twins can move around in the plot as they please, with no retribution unless they seriously screw the author's plot up.  
  
Arwen, on the other hand, is known to the author, and most often gets in the way of her plans, especially since I chose to do an Aragorn romance. Therefore, the author would have to take pains to keep the future queen of Gondor locked up in her room so as not to interfere. The similar application goes along with Katie's imprisonment in her room while Aragorn was having a flashback, because the author had technically "confined" her there, though she escaped.  
  
Characters like Elrond only have conditional freedom. During the council, Elrond was needed to give the Fellowship his "blessing" so to speak. At that time he was fully in the author's control, and thus there was a lack of emotion. But when the author was finished with Elrond, she just conveniently forgot about him. He had served his purpose, and the author turned him loose. He then, as a free character, determined that he wanted to know what was happening to his home. He discovered Arwen, who had spoken with Katie, and she told him all she knew. He arrived just in time to prevent Elladan and Elrohir from trying their own solution to the problem of Meriweather.  
  
When Katie and Meriweather, no matter how different, have the same thoughts at the same time, their consciousnesses collide, and they are brought to in- between. In-between is where Katie can see the real characters fighting against their pseudo-selves. Note that this only happens when Katie is conscious when thoughts collide. She only remains in-between for as long as her thoughts and Meriweather's are the same. The instant when they diverge, the whole thing falls apart, and she ends up trapped again inside Meriweather.  
  
When Meriweather was knocked unconscious up on Caradhras, Katie was still awake and fighting. The author at that point in the story had focused solely on the reactions of Aragorn, Boromir, and Gandalf, and that allowed Katie (when pulled free by Legolas) to do as she wanted and thank the elf. Then when the author decided it was time to wake Meriweather up, she needed her character completely compliant, and that's how Katie ended up with a conk on the head.  
  
Yet when Meriweather and Katie were both unconscious, their thoughts again were the same, but it was only the two of them. Meriweather faced down Katie, and Katie kicked her butt. Once she had defeated the Sue, that opened the door to the real Middle-earth because she had finally overcome the author for the time being. She unwittingly entered Middle-earth again, but this time her role and Meriweather's were reversed. Now *she* is the one in control, and Meriweather is the nagging little voice in the back of her mind.  
  
But how long it will last not even she knows . . .  
  
Anyway, I hope that little blurb cleared things up a bit, that is, if you're still reading it. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and there will be more to come before too long!] 


	9. Howls in the Night

Disclaimer: *checks credit card bill* Nope, I sure didn't buy 'em! So that must mean they're not mine!  
  
And now the best section of all: Thank yous! What, do you mean to say the story is the best section? Too bad, I enjoy thanking each and every one of my reviewers!  
  
Violet Dawson: You are worth it! I always check for reviews from you when I'm online.  
  
Mnemosyne23: Hi! Thanks for your encouraging review, and I'll try to throw in a bit more *real* Boromir just for you!  
  
Elenya: I'm glad you liked it, and I hope this chapter meets your expectations!  
  
Star Queen: I've been trying to figure out if those were the twins too, but the author would simply dismiss them as random elves. Personally, I can't wait to see Eomer on the big screen either, and I do pity him immensely. I'd at least give him a can of pepper spray to keep all the fangirls away!  
  
Star: LOL, you flatter me with your shameless plug! I've visited your story and I had a wonderful time simply laughing my head off. (I added you to the favorites list, but I think I already mentioned that.)  
  
SilentStep: Your name reminds me of a Sivaoan one, for some strange reason . . . and if extra exclamation points are a sign of a diseased mind, then I think I'm brain-dead! (!!!) I'll try to keep the chapters coming!  
  
Celtic Dreamer: Wow! I am so honored to be on your favorites list! Thank you thank you! I shall churn out the next chapter at the best possible speed!  
  
ShellMel: I'm pleased you liked the bit with Merry. He and Pippin are my favorite hobbits, for some reason. Thanks for your review!  
  
Melilot Millstone: No, you can't have a hobbit, I *need* them in order to finish the story! But after that I don't see why not . . . LOL.  
  
Cat-Chan: I'm thrilled that you like singing so much, LOL. I hope you like this next installment too!  
  
Beladona: Funny the strange things my delusional mind comes up with, isn't it?  
  
Mizalaye: I jumped with joy when I saw your beautiful long review! About Merry being free during the council: regardless or not whether they're free, all the *true* characters can still hear what's going on, much like Katie can hear what the Fellowship says to Meriweather whenever she's forced to do something. You'll recall that Aragorn was rather -ahem- *adverse* to her presence, shall we say, when the real Katie came to Middle- earth. That would be because he remembered every soppy poem etc. that he said to her. Quite embarrassing! LOL, hope this note helps!  
  
Golden Dragon and Co.: I got a kick out of both reviews, and I'm happy that you like my rather odd brand of humor. I appreciate all the moral support! (One more week and I'll be done with the darn course!) In the meantime, Happy Birthday and here's something for you to enjoy!  
  
Jester: I had fun writing the last chapter, because I actually didn't have to make up any of the LOTR character's stupidity! (To me, it's difficult to purposely screw someone like Aragorn or Gandalf up.) And thanks for your review on "The Haven!" BTW, what does "WAI" mean? LOL, yeah, I'm dumb, I'll admit it!  
  
Rabia: Scaring the locals again? You're welcome for the anonymous review disablement (yeah, that sounded odd) and thanks for your praise on my short story!  
  
GreyLadyBast: No, you needed to say that to me, because it helped me realize that just because I had a lightning bolt (or frying pan) to the head for an idea, it doesn't give me the right to expect nor demand reviews. Thanks for bringing me back to earth, and I hope you enjoy the next chapter!  
  
I had a tough time deciding who to dedicate this chapter to, but then realized I can simply dedicate the next one to the other candidate! (I'm so brilliant I amaze myself.) I am pleased to announce that the dedication of this chapter goes to Star Queen! I appreciate your candor and encouraging comments, and it's high time I rewarded you accordingly!  
  
And a side note for those of you who read and enjoyed "One Moment, Untainted": I have written the sequel, "The Haven." It's quite a bit longer, but those who have reviewed say it's better than the first, though I'm not convinced. Anyway, just thought I'd let you know (if I haven't all ready, I tend to forget if I've said stuff before) and now onto the *real* story!  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
The best term she could describe herself with was paralyzed. She would admit that it was most likely due to the fact that she had suffered exposure to extreme cold and her hands and feet were completely numb. But inwardly her mind still reeled with the new reality she found herself faced with.  
  
If Katie wasn't stranded on top of a mountain that boasted an avalanche for any wrong movement or loud noise, she'd have done a little dance, cheered really loud, and probably have made a complete fool of herself.  
  
As it was, she stood a distance apart from everyone else, hands under her arms, trying to keep warm. One downside to not having Meriweather was her likely all-weather-resistant clothes, which would probably have kept her nice and warm. And the boots. Katie would pay a lot of money to have a pair of boots. Rags were nice if there was absolutely nothing else (which there wasn't) but then again, fashion wasn't exactly the first thing on her mind.  
  
What *was* on her mind, as crowded in there as it was with Meriweather and her other personality, was how she was going to rectify the entire Mary Sue dilemma. And keep herself from freezing to death or getting killed by orcs in the process. It was a whole lot harder than it sounded.  
  
A shout came from somewhere around the bend of the mountain path, and Katie turned to see Boromir and Aragorn returning. With little time wasted, each gathered up a hobbit and bore them off through the snow, down the lane they had plowed with their sheer physical might.  
  
I shudder to think of what Aragorn might do to Meriweather now that he's free, Katie thought to herself.  
  
Beat her to a bloody pulp, it's the least she deserves.  
  
Yeah, but I'd be paying for it for a *long* time afterward.  
  
Ouch, true.  
  
Don't you know I'm always right?  
  
Except, as Kel would say, when referring to Legolas as the hottest member of the Fellowship.  
  
And as I would reply to Kel, *is so*!  
  
Why are we having this discussion?  
  
I don't know, *you* started it!  
  
Did not.  
  
Did so.  
  
And on and on it went, until Katie realized with a sudden spike of fear that she was all alone. Panicking, she charged down the snowy rut that the Fellowship had worn down the mountain, nearly slamming into Aragorn's back before she realized it was him, though he was carrying Frodo and there was no way she could have missed *him*.  
  
She felt badly out of place, not much better than a Mary Sue. At least, however, she was going to get out of this, unlike Meriweather, who probably intended to rule from Minas Tirith for the rest of her days. Katie's eyes narrowed in to dangerous green slits as she thought of it.  
  
No matter what happens, she goes *down.*  
  
You had doubts that she wouldn't?  
  
Well, I've never exactly *killed* anybody before . . .  
  
I don't think that illegitimate pile of festering flesh is considered a person.  
  
True, and nice one.  
  
If ever her other half could sound modest . . . Thank you, I learned it from the best insulter there is.  
  
Why I'm flattered! But still, she's got weapons, and I don't. *And* she knows how to use them, thanks to her magical Sue powers of learning anything she wants in less than a millisecond. I don't have that option.  
  
Would you relax? We'll find some way to figure this out logically.  
  
There you go with the logic thing again.  
  
Live long and prosper.  
  
Cute.  
  
As the Fellowship plus one pressed on down the mountain, Katie alternately focused on not falling on her bum and trying to figure out if she could get one of the Fellowship to teach her a bit of self-defense for when she got back in-between. Meriweather had been as surprised as she, but Katie had waited so long to take her anger out on *something* that she'd recovered quickest and gotten the upper hand. Doubtless the Sue would be better prepared the next time around, and she *did* have a sword . . .  
  
Erk. What an unpleasant thought.  
  
The company passed out of the worst of the drift, and not a moment too soon. Katie had to haul butt in order to get out of the way of yet another avalanche, which sealed the path behind her. They cowered against the face of the mountain, shielding exposed eyes from the chips of ice and snow that flew everywhere.  
  
Gimli cried something faintly ahead of her, yelling it seemed at the mountain, which seemed hell-bent on destroying them. As if Caradhras had heard him, the snow fitfully ceased to fall, and the sky began to lighten.  
  
There was not much talking as they continued their downward trudge, but the snow grew less deep, and Katie was grateful as she stumbled on weary legs from high-stepping through all the previous drifts. At last they reached a flat shelf that showed recent use. Wearily sinking down against a boulder, Katie took a few deep breaths, ignoring the rapidly developing stitch in her side.  
  
"I don't know how you people manage this all day," she muttered under her breath as the Fellowship fanned out to look back over the land, presumably for their next course of action.  
  
"The birds again!" Aragorn's voice startled her, and Katie jerked unconsciously; she'd been attempting to snatch a little cat-nap. Forcing her tired body up, she peered west to see the crebain circling like an evil omen.  
  
Dimly, she was aware that Gandalf was speaking, ordering them to continue down the mountain. A cold wind knifed through her, making her shiver and forget all thoughts of Meriweather for the time being. She had to concentrate on staying awake and coherent. Something in the back of her mind tickled her memory, but she did not know what it was.  
  
Hesitantly a hand touched her shoulder, and Katie let out a startled exclamation and leaped sideways, away from whoever it was. She turned to see Boromir, looking no less nervous than she.  
  
"Are you well, Katie?" His hazel eyes were concerned, yet at the same time wary.  
  
"I . . . yes. Don't pay me any attention," she simply replied, unwilling to say too much to him.  
  
"It is difficult to obey such a statement when all our hope rests with you," he said directly, searching her face. "Would you care to walk in front of me?"  
  
She was about to refuse, thinking it to be an innuendo of sorts. Then she realized that he was offering out of a sense of duty and protection. She had no weapons to speak of, and if they were laid siege to by any predator, Katie would have no means of defense. She would need to depend upon others to keep her safe, until such time as she figured a way out of this mess.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Onward they continued, and by nightfall had reached the base of the mountain. Shades of inky violet streaked the sky around the black bulk of peaks silhouetted against it. A cold wind numbed Katie even further, though she had barely any feeling left within her limbs at all. She almost did not notice when they stopped to rest, but was forced to halt when the person in front of her did.  
  
Sinking wearily to the ground, too exhausted to move another inch, she felt a bottle being pressed to her lips. Whatever it was, the liquid was warm and returned the feeling to her arms and legs, pushing back the grey fog of sleepiness that was rapidly overcoming her.  
  
The Fellowship was discussing their next course of events, but Katie paid them little attention, knowing what would be decided in the end. Her subconscious was trying to tell her something, but she couldn't recall what it was.  
  
I know something important is going to happen . . . at least I think so.  
  
Well, do you think or do you know?  
  
What's happening now is from the book, not the movie. And I've only read the books once, and even then I started with the Two Towers. A lovely mess I've made of this.  
  
Mmhmm. No doubt about that.  
  
Some help *you* are.  
  
Shh! Do you hear that?  
  
Hear what? It's only the wind.  
  
I don't think so.  
  
Aragorn was on his feet, bending into the wind. "It is howling with wolf- voices. The Wargs have come west of the Mountains!"  
  
See?  
  
I've got a bad feeling about this.  
  
You and me both.  
  
[Well, that's it for now, because I *still* don't have that stupid term paper done. It's more done than it was before, though . . . anyway, see if Katie gets eaten by wargs in the next chapter!] 


	10. Attack of the Pack

Disclaimer: I haven't won the lottery, nor married a millionaire, or ever robbed a bank, so there is no possible way I can own them. As much as I'd like to.  
  
If you'll allow me to say a few words:  
  
Kel: LOL, watch your step, silly! Nah, can't be mean to you, you're practically my partner for most intents and purposes. Behave now, and enjoy the little author's note down at the bottom! I can think of a few characters who would like to help kill the Sue, but we'll have to see how it goes . . .  
  
Violet Dawson: Hey, I've missed our chats! AIM isn't up and running here yet, and I don't have your email address handy, but my new one is KSHER075@students.bju.edu, so could you send me yours and we can talk! Mmmm . . . cookies!  
  
SummerRose: I think I scared even myself with that idea . . . thanks for your review!  
  
GreyLadyBast: Yep, I'll admit it, I love Star Trek. I realized about the twelfth time I read "Uhura's Song" that it's a cleverly-disguised M.S. And I still think it's wonderful! I'm so pleased that I'm your favorite teenager! That is an immense compliment!  
  
Mizalaye: Thanks for all your help with my reviews problem. It means a lot to me that you're willing to help me out like this! Your lovely comments give me warm fuzzies all over!  
  
ShellMel: I thought the wargs came before, but I was very very pleased to find out they were after Caradhras. Perfect for my plot!  
  
Key: Ooh, look, I get to thank myself! Erm . . . yeah. Thanks for your review! LOL.  
  
Jester: Nah, because then the Sue would win, and then where would Middle- earth be? I shudder to think of it!  
  
Celtic Dreamer: LOL, what's funny is that when I first met my three roommates here, one of the first questions we asked each other was "Do you talk to yourself?" It was quite entertaining to find out that we all did! Glad you're still with me!  
  
Rabia: So I hear you're pestering people into reading my stuff! Thanks! I'm pleased you like my characterizations, and I hope this next chapter is sufficiently interesting!  
  
Star Queen: I love getting email from you, then again, I love getting email from anyone, I'm so lonely here at college. Yep, I want to see all the newcomers on screen rather badly. Eomer and Eowyn definitely. And I will always beta for you, you have but to ask!  
  
Nez: Welcome, welcome! If you'd like to know how I came up with this, read Firebird's "Short". It was my main inspiration, and I owe the whole concept to her!  
  
Princess Joy: Yep, I'm fed up with 'em too! There aren't enough original good ones to drown out the bad ones, so they just all get labeled as bad. Go figure. Anyway, pleased to have you along!  
  
Xit: Yep, Rabia's check is in the mail, I think! I'm glad you're enjoying it, and I guarantee this next chapter will surprise you!  
  
NightShade: I read your review and your paradox started to make my head hurt! Don't ever become a lawyer or anything like that! Hee hee. I'm pretty sure M.S. do belong to Sauron, or Morgoth even. Such a pity they're not so easily destroyed as a Dark Lord. We're working on the updating thing, as I don't have a lot of time anymore, but this chapter should keep you happy for a little while anyway!  
  
Goddess Isis: Another comment that gives me the warm fuzzies! High praise indeed, and I thank you very much for it! I am ecstatic that you liked it so much, and I hope you come back for more!  
  
Rune Lore: Oh, you thought *that* cliffhanger was bad . . . no, I won't give anything away! LOL, your review made me bubbly, and I am still really happy! I beg to defer, however. OFUM was a truly original thought, and the Fanfic Lounge was pure genius. I think I've read it seven times, and I always go back two weeks later and read it again! Quite honestly, I don't rate with either Camilla Sandman or Christine Linnell. Hee hee, I'm trying to keep my head from getting too big. Enjoy the chapter, and hope to hear more from you!  
  
  
  
Right, I think that about covers it. Anyway, dedication of this chapter belongs to . . . Melilot Millstone! Let's all give her three cheers! Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, HOORAY! Thanks Kel, for all your continued support that is so valuable to me, and especially for your little poem, "Reflection of You." Oh yeah, and *is so*.  
  
Another note: I would have updated sooner, but I have just started college as a freshman, so I am *very* busy. You'll also have to forgive me for any correspondence I may have been slow in answering, because I have not had internet access for at least a week, and I am behind. I apologize, and hope to work out my schedule and get these things taken care of really, really soon.  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Ten  
  
"Need we wait until morning then?" said Gandalf. "It is as I said. The hunt is up!"  
  
Katie struggled to her feet against the protests of her body, her heart pounding in fear. The possibility of being eaten alive was just making itself crystal clear to her, and panic was the first thing on her mind. They would not decide their course in the morning, for the spies of Sauron had found them now.  
  
"Even if we live to see the dawn, who now will wish to journey south by night with the wild wolves on his trail?" the wizard continued.  
  
I so did not need to hear the 'if we live to see dawn' part, Katie thought to herself, shivering. The howls of the wolves seemed to climb a notch, and was it her imagination, or were there glowing eyes behind that tree over there? She wanted out of here, right that very second. At the moment, even the orc-infested passages of Moria seemed welcome.  
  
Apparently Boromir was thinking along the same thoughts. "How far is Moria?" He peered into the deepening dusk, hand wrapped firmly around the hilt of his sword.  
  
Gandalf thought to himself before replying, "There was a door south-west of Caradhras, some fifteen miles as the crow flies, and maybe twenty as the wolf runs." He shifted his grip on his staff, face dark.  
  
Wisely, Katie kept her mouth closed, content to let Tolkien run his own world. The characters will do what is meant to be done, I'm just a tag- along, she kept repeating.  
  
A tag-along for twenty miles! Do you remember how long it takes you to run a mile in gym class?  
  
Half the period. Argh, how am I ever going to be able to keep up? Katie realized the enormity of twenty miles like a ton of bricks had fallen on her head. I sure hope they don't expect to make it in one night, she lamented, massaging her aching legs while she had the chance.  
  
"Then let us start as soon as it is light tomorrow, if we can." Boromir's statement made her wonder if he was insane or being nice. Stay here with the wolves overnight? The man of Gondor continued, "The wolf that one hears is worse than the orc that one fears."  
  
Insane. Definitely.  
  
"True," replied Aragorn, loosening his own sword as he gazed around at the concealing rocks and shrubs. "But where the wolf howls, there also the orc prowls."  
  
And the men that make lousy rhymes will soon run out of time, Katie thought to herself, wondering if either of them would mind terribly if she went and stuffed a few clumps of grass down their throats to keep them quiet.  
  
Are you trying to get yourself decapitated? They're on edge already, and anything you do isn't going to go over terribly well.  
  
She sighed to herself. You're probably right, though I'd be the last to admit it.  
  
The hobbits were murmuring among themselves, and shortly after that, Gandalf ordered everyone to gather up their things. The company would take shelter on top of a defensible hill, within a ring of protective boulders and trees. Katie found that, yes, for her own safety she could make her legs move for another fifteen minutes or so.  
  
By the time all ten of them had reached the summit of the hill, Katie wasn't sure what she was shaking more from, the cold or pure fear. She only felt marginally safer when Gandalf and Gimli kindled a fire, and she stuck as close to it as she could without setting herself aflame. Her backside did most of the warming as she cast furtive glances out into the surrounding night, wondering if she was imagining all those glowing eyes.  
  
I didn't sign on for this, she whined to herself.  
  
No, Meriweather did. You just happened to be along for the ride.  
  
Well, next time I want to see the contract before somebody else signs it!  
  
Hush up, and try to get some sleep. You're giving me a headache.  
  
Oh, *I'm* giving *you* a headache?  
  
Yes, as a matter of fact. Quiet.  
  
Katie sighed and wrapped Boromir's cloak around her as many times as she could before hunkering down near the fire and trying to sleep. Yet she couldn't keep her eyes from flickering open every other minute, watching the prowling forms just outside the ring of trees, her heart hammering wildly in her chest. She knew something bad was going to happen, she just knew it.  
  
Then she jerked bolt upright, and a wordless cry of fear forced itself from her throat. An enormous wolf-shape had appeared suddenly before her in the gap between the protective rocks, and the howl that came from it turned her blood to ice.  
  
In seconds Gandalf was there, clenching his staff tightly. With steel in his eye he cried, "Listen, Hound of Sauron! Gandalf is here. Fly, if you value your foul skin! I will shrivel you from tail to snout, if you come within this ring."  
  
And though she was scared beyond all comprehensible thought, the mental picture of a shriveled wolf was quite interesting. Then the great wolf leaped, and it suddenly wasn't so funny anymore.  
  
Katie scrambled backwards with a speed she didn't know she possessed, until she ran up against Pippin. At that same moment an arrow that could only belong to Legolas split the air, and the foul beast of Sauron fell to the ground, dead.  
  
There were several gasps of relief, mostly from the direction of Katie and the hobbits. As they looked around, it seemed that all the rest of the wolves had vanished. Katie began to breathe again.  
  
Good, that was the last of them.  
  
Are you so sure?  
  
Are you trying to scare me?  
  
Not really.  
  
Somehow then, you're managing to do a marvelous job.  
  
Katie at last managed to fall asleep, and it wasn't until Frodo's shout of warning and the great din of a large gathering of wolves that she woke. She attempted to shake sleep from her head even as her body kicked itself into overdrive. Gandalf was shouting orders to the others, and she stumbled to her feet.  
  
The animals were everywhere, all around them, and there was no way they could escape. Katie was near the fire, but without a weapon. Her mind seemed to freeze, and she couldn't think. The hobbits were clustered back to back, Boromir and Aragorn stood side by side, Legolas was perched upon a handy rock, bow at the ready, and Gimli stood near Gandalf, axe hefted, his face set.  
  
Then the wolves came. They broke like a torrent over the rocks, and suddenly the world melted into a melee of shrieks, sword clashing, and howls. They were like a grey river as they divided themselves smoothly amongst the Fellowship. Katie suddenly found herself staring down three slavering creatures, who were driving her towards the fire.  
  
Time seemed to slow to a crawl as the girl cast about for some way to defend herself. Her gaze slid towards Aragorn and Boromir, but both were occupied with decapitating their own opponents with practiced skill. Legolas's back was to her, and the hobbits were busy on all sides. Gimli was shouting something in Dwarvish, and Gandalf seemed to be readying himself for something.  
  
There was no help coming. Katie could feel the burning heat of the flames behind her, but she was cold all over. Acting more out of desperation than any conscious thought as the lead wolf bared its teeth and growled, she seized a flaming brand and thrust it in its face. The growls turned to yips and yowls of pain, and the smell of burnt fur and flesh permeated the air. The wolf leaped away, blinded.  
  
The remaining two fell back and gathered themselves, then sprang for her at the same time. At that instant, Gandalf interceded. With a swing of his staff, he clouted them smartly across the face, then seized the branch from Katie's hand. The wolves fell back before him, and Katie unabashedly took shelter behind the wizard.  
  
Gandalf seemed to grow large and terrible in the flickering firelight, and he cried aloud as he threw the blazing torch into the air, "Naur an edraith ammen! Naur dan i ngaurhoth!" His words resounded like thunder through the heavens, and the night lit up as the tree above him blossomed into flame. Then, like a living thing, the fire leaped from treetop to treetop, locking the Fellowship in a ring of flame.  
  
The defenders took heart and moved to finish the last of the wolves off, stained swords glinting crimson in the dazzling light. The remaining creatures of Sauron took flight, even as Legolas's last arrow kindled in the air and found its mark in the heart of a wolf chieftain.  
  
Slowly the fire died, and everyone found their breath again. The wolves did not return, even as the first streaks of dawn twined their way across the horizon. Hope rose with the sun, and Katie was especially grateful for the comfort of day as she moved to seat herself stiffly on a boulder.  
  
Unfortunately, and with all the grace of an orc on ice, she tripped over the long hem of Boromir's cloak and misjudged the step that would have taken her safely over Gandalf's staff which was propped against a nearby tree. Pinwheeling off-balance, the rock Katie had meant to rest on met her head with a painful crack.  
  
Suddenly the world was white again. And Katie realized what had happened, even as she found herself on the business end of a sword.  
  
She had been waiting for her.  
  
[Y'all are going to kill me now, I can just see it.]  
  
[A/N: There have been some difficulties regarding FF.net, as it is banned by the filter here at college, so a dear colleague of mine is managing affairs, but I couldn't simply leave you all hanging, so I shall proceed with the best of haste, but understand that I am now under very adverse conditions, so chapters may take a little longer than before. Thank you for your patience, and I hope this was worth waiting for.] 


	11. Round Two

Disclaimer: No they're not-Yeah, they're mine, and guess what! I even thought up Legolas all on my own! As another author said, Boo-yah!  
  
I'm so thrilled to see all the newcomers and some of the returning audience. Welcome all! At the current moment I have a network of friends helping me out with posting and keeping up with reviews, and I'd like to extend a tremendous thank you to them all: Melilot Millstone, Mizalaye, and Violet Dawson. Three cheers to you! Now to the personalized section:  
  
Starbrat: Yep, and a rather big one at that. Look out below!  
  
Mizalaye: I now considered my head chewed off. But you have to admit from my point of view that it was quite good. Would I at least have internet access in that little cell you're renting for me? Hee hee hee . . . I rather enjoy those mental conversations, they are quite fun to do. Anyways, I shall continue with the best of all haste.  
  
Goddess Isis: Unfortunately, all good things come to an end. Not that I'm giving anything away here . . . but eventually the Mary Sue will reemerge. It may be this chapter or twenty in the future, but I shall guarantee you that it will happen. Besides, you don't want to miss pincushion practice! (I'll leave you to ponder that.)  
  
Stage-Rose: You are quite welcome, I'm sick of seeing Boromir either underplayed or drastically out of character. While I love each and every member of the Fellowship, Boromir is one of my favorites. Enjoy the next part!  
  
Melilot Millstone/Kelli : Yes! It worked! Kudos and many many thank yous to you, my dear! I would never feed you to a mini-Balrog, because then we couldn't finish our P.P.C. thing. Of course there will be more to the story, and there will always be more *is so's*. Evil? Maybe . . .  
  
Earendil: Well, wait no longer! Have fun reading it, I'm sure it will go far too fast!  
  
  
  
Dedication of this chapter belongs to Celtic Dreamer, whose comments and faithful reviews I have thoroughly enjoyed. Thanks for everything and especially all the encouragement! And now . . .  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Eleven  
  
Ohmiwordohmiwordohmiwordohmiword!  
  
Stop gibbering inanely and think of a way out of this!  
  
I'm gonna dieeeeeeeee!  
  
Shut up! Now!  
  
Yessum. Shutting up.  
  
It's about time.  
  
What're we going to do? What're we going to do?!  
  
First of all you're going to be quiet and let me think about this for a minute.  
  
During this entire mental exchange the tip of dangerous metal gripped by an equally dangerous opponent had not wavered a single centimeter.  
  
Do you think we can reason with her?  
  
Reason with that overgrown excuse for a dazzlingly-beautiful-yet- incredibly-annoying-teenage-wannabe-a-good-author Mary Sue? Never!  
  
Breathe dear, breathe.  
  
"You've messed with my plans for the last time." Meriweather's voice was soft and sultry, and utterly nerve-wracking. "Give it up already."  
  
Katie found herself snorting derisively and rolling her eyes before she could stop herself. "Yeah, like I'm gonna give in to *you*. Think again, sister." In retrospect, she realized that that wasn't the best thing she could have said.  
  
The Mary Sue's color-shifting eyes narrowed. The sword got closer, so close that the cold point of it just brushed beneath Katie's chin. The girl repressed a shiver and straightened defiantly, green eyes smoldering. "Care to rephrase that?" Meriweather asked in a tone so cold it could have frozen the Roadrunner in his tracks.  
  
Don't say *anything* stupid, the voice in her head warned.  
  
Katie cocked her head to one side and pretended to consider. Then she sneered, "Nope."  
  
Oooh, here we go. Nice job, genius. See you in the afterlife.  
  
But Katie's mouth kept moving. "You don't get it, do you, *Meriweather*?" The way she said the name made it sound like an invective. "I will never stop fighting you, because you are *wrong*. And because I know you can't spell, that's W-R-O-N-G. These are not just fictional characters you are messing around with, these are real *people*. They hate everything you force them to do, everything that you *are*. So why don't *you* just give up and surrender so we can both get out of here?"  
  
It was the Mary Sue's turn to smile mockingly. "You think I care? They're only fake. You're the stupid one here, Ms. True-Blue-Tolkienite. All of them adore me, I can *make* them adore me. Aragorn is my true love, and I will keep his heart forever. Your pathetic attempts can't stop me." She twisted her blade so that a few drops of blood began to slide down the shiny metal. "Admit you're screwed."  
  
Katie backed up a step and tossed her head. "When you kiss Gimli," she snapped back.  
  
Meriweather hissed between her teeth and lunged as if to stab her enemy. Katie shrieked involuntarily, because no matter how much she believed in her cause, that sword was still sharp! The shallow cut she had already sustained was proof of that. She ducked, and the weapon whistled harmlessly over her head. The Sue's momentum carried her forward, and Katie came up with a head-butt to the stomach. Meriweather found herself gasping frantically for air.  
  
"Nice try, Meri-Sue!"  
  
"What did you call me?!"  
  
"So you're deaf *and* stupid? Amazing!"  
  
Meriweather recovered enough to tackle Katie, growling like a deranged tiger, and just as unpleasant to look upon. "I will *kill* you!" Her hands closed around the girl's throat and try as she might, Katie couldn't dislodge her.  
  
She can't.  
  
She can't *what*?  
  
Kill you.  
  
Air was getting short, and her sword wound stung fiercely as Meriweather's hands tightened.  
  
How come she's doing a decent job, though?  
  
Listen, she *needs* you.  
  
Her thoughts were becoming hazy.  
  
Needs me . . . for what?  
  
Stay with me. She needs you because you as a Tolkien fan are her link to Middle Earth. While anybody can create a Mary Sue, it takes someone with real knowledge to *be* one. I.e., a true fan. You are the closest physical template she could find, and all she needed to do was a little superficial work to make you her character. Ever notice how except for the blinding hair and odd eyes how much you two look alike?  
  
Katie struggled to focus her vision for a moment. She'd always been too incensed with rage to actually bother looking at Meriweather as a person. No wonder Boromir and Aragorn had recognized her on top of Caradhras, and had acted accordingly. With terror.  
  
That's . . . just . . . great. Why's she . . . choking me, then?  
  
To get you unconscious so she can get back to *her* story.  
  
. . . fudge . . .  
  
And then there was blackness.  
  
  
  
[Long wait, sorry sorry sorry! At least now you get an idea of how Meriweather's twisted mind works, and why Katie's actually here in the first place. Hope y'all are still with me! Chapter Twelve will be along soon, because I actually have a vision for it. Keep reading!] 


	12. Welcome to Moria

Disclaimer: I'm writing these in my sleep now. Instead, I could be having a really nice dream . . . or two, or three . . . but *no*! I'm faced with the harsh reality that I really do not own them. Argh!  
  
Muccamukk: Well, no worries, the Sue's back and as awful as ever! And I think this is probably the soonest I've ever updated before. Whoohoo!  
  
Europa: I'm sorry I didn't include a thank-you with the last chapter, I forgot to include the latest ones, so here's a thank you times two! I'm pleased that I keep you and your sister entertained, and thanks for reviewing! And I'm glad I'm back and posting. Sometimes a little vacation frees the brain up.  
  
GreyLadyBast: Yes I'm back! And I missed you a ton! I'm so disappointed I can't access and read your works anymore, but I hear you've enrolled at OFUM. Same here, except I've applied for a staff position, so I think the jury's still out on that one. I'm very, very happy that you're still with me. Thanks.  
  
Zurizip: Hey and welcome! I liked each one of your reviews, and I'm going to try to respond to them all at once! Hee hee. Actually, I'm the author of Katie's story, as she has dictated it to me. Entertaining, ne? Never ever will it be a Legolas romance. I am a protector! LOL, go read "One Moment, Untainted" and "The Haven" for more information. *Hint hint nudge nudge* yourself! That's actually quite an interesting paradox about her getting a bad review. I might have to think on that one . . . And I *am* joyful I'm a favorite of yours! You've made my day!  
  
Avelera: Yes, I've worked to create a balance between humor and seriousness, and I'm very pleased that you enjoy my efforts! Don't worry, I hope this quickie update will make you happy, and I'm happy that I'm on your favorites list! Pleasure to have you reading!  
  
Goddess Isis: Thanks for being so patient with me. Glad you like my odd brand of humor, so here's the next chapter!  
  
Firebird: Yay! My inspiration is still here! No matter how many times I've already said it, I'll say it again: Thanks be to you for your "Short" story! I wouldn't have 122 reviews without you.  
  
Mizalaye: Well, this is really no surprise to you that I updated this quick, since you're the one I asked to put it up for me! Katie's alter ego is one of those logical, rational, kind of omniscient voices that always makes sense but you hardly ever listen to. I tuned mine out a *long* time ago . . . Yes, the line about Gimli was my favorite one too. And the Sue has come back! Mwahahahaha . . .  
  
Tasare: Hullo, I don't believe I've had the pleasure of leaving you a thank-you before! I'm glad that you'll be with me to the end, and I hope the ending lives up to your expectations (whatever that climactic conclusion will be)!  
  
Laura: Yup, I know it took me a *long long long* time, but for a good reason! You have this chapter about fifteen times faster than the last one! Hmm . . . must find new host body . . . LOL. Enjoy it!  
  
Starbrat: Ugly and then even uglier! Nice to hear from you!  
  
Earendil: Pleased you liked. Have fun with this one!  
  
Architeuthis: Wow. You're the one that does the Intelligence Briefs for the P.P.C! I'm so very honored that you're reading this! A thousand times thanks for your review! I hope you'll keep reading, and that my future chapters will meet expectations.  
  
Star Queen: Hey, nice to see you back! How're your own fics coming? Got any you'd care to email me since I can't access FF.net? (KSHER075@students.bju.edu) Oooh, there's another good idea I'll have to consider . . . I'm still debating how to end this, and that's an interesting suggestion. Must go ponder whilst you read!  
  
NightShade: I try to keep my readers guessing! Read on, dear friend!  
  
Stage-Rose: No, not lost, but a bit misdirected. Most of my energy and creativity gets poured into my schoolwork. But I've got encouragers here who want me to get this done! So rest assured that I will complete this story!  
  
Rabia: Yay! Another dear fan that I love hearing from! Glad you like my characterization of Meriweather, and I'm glad you're back for more!  
  
Hathor: Welcome to the wonderful world of fanfiction. If you are looking for *good* Lord of the Rings fics, I suggest that you try Thundera Tiger, Cassia, and Camilla Sandman. I'm honored to be on your favorites list, and thanks for your review!  
  
Jester: Oh, you poor poor child! I'm sorry I kept you waiting for so long! Have a cookie courtesy of Violet to make you feel better. And this chapter to read while you eat it!  
  
Marsha: I'm very very happy that you liked my short fic, and this series too! Just so you know, "One Moment, Untainted" has a sequel, "The Haven". It's quite a bit longer, but everyone tells me that it's worth the read. Thanks for your review!  
  
And now, the moment you've all been waiting for . . .  
  
The dedication! (What? You mean you wanted the chapter? Oops.)  
  
This chapter is granted to GreyLadyBast, for her wonderful critiquing, her helpful comments, her love of Sivaoans, and her great attitude. Thanks GreyLady!  
  
  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Twelve  
  
Rise and shine, sleeping beauty.  
  
I'm trapped again, aren't I?  
  
Umm . . .  
  
The aches and pains she felt all over her body seemed to confirm her state. She'd been yanked forcibly back into the author's canon again. Mustering every ounce of strength she had left, though it was not much, Katie tuned herself in to whatever Meriweather was now up to.  
  
"Where are we?" For some reason, all she could see was a blank stone wall. What on Middle Earth was the Sue doing?  
  
"I see it: iseeldin. Doesn't it mirror only starlight?" Her very voice grated against Katie's ears.  
  
"And moonlight," Gandalf added, seemingly amazed at Meriweather's knowledge. Oddly, he didn't ask how someone not from Middle Earth knew anything about Dwarf doors.  
  
"So now we're all-knowing too!" Katie made a sound like a rhinoceros with a cold getting ready to charge. "Just you wait, you . . . you . . ."  
  
Deranged orc-spawned pile of useless body parts?  
  
That'll do, Voice. That'll do.  
  
Gandalf, meanwhile, was muttering to himself. However, they were not actually words, merely random sounds.  
  
"The greatest wizard of the Istari, older even than the race of mortal men, reduced to that. How can you? How *dare* you?!" Katie could hear Meriweather's mocking laughter echo through her mind. To describe the poor girl's fury would have been easier than trying to have a cup of tea with a Balrog.  
  
"It reads: The walls of Durin, lord of Moria. Speak friend and enter." Gandalf had his tongue back.  
  
"What do you suppose that means?" Frodo asked, blue eyes wide.  
  
"That's Merry's li-"  
  
Meriweather rapidly overrode Katie's protests. "I know! It's a riddle. How would you say 'friend' in Elvish?"  
  
Gandalf's expression brightened. "Melon."  
  
If there was any way to get angrier, it hadn't been discovered yet. Katie could feel a vein popping out on her forehead. "Wait until we meet again, Meri-Sue. I don't care *how* many times you stab me! You're dead meat!"  
  
Meanwhile, the doors had ground apart and the Fellowship was gathering its things together. Meriweather was puttering around, doing absolutely nothing. Then she picked up a rock and threw it into the pond.  
  
Does she have *any* idea what she's doing?  
  
She's probably going for a kraken-attack-so-Aragorn-can-rescue-and-comfort- her scene.  
  
The mental scream of agony was enough to muddle the Sue's twisted brain patterns, but that didn't change what happened. A hundred tentacles leaped out of the water, spraying water everywhere but somehow all of it managed to evade Meriweather, who stood perfectly still, the epitome of bravery and courage.  
  
"Aragorn, protect the hobbits!" she cried boldly, drawing no less then three arrows and stringing them to her bow, letting fly with accuracy that shamed even Legolas. The creature thrashed and turned its attention towards her. One writhing arm snatched the bow from her hand, another grabbed her about the middle.  
  
Meriweather screamed, and Katie did it right along with her, though it was for two different reasons. The Mary Sue was doing the obligatory come-and- save-me girlie scream; Katie was being squeezed in half. She could feel her ribs protesting under the strain, and her breath hitched, getting short. Just when she thought she'd either become a size 2 or she'd surely be crushed, the tentacle loosened and she tumbled through the air.  
  
Powerful arms caught Meriweather/Katie effortlessly, but they belonged to Boromir and not Aragorn. "Are you alright, mylady?" he asked seriously, not even concerned in the least about the angry beast behind him.  
  
"Okay, first, 'alright' technically is not a word, and 'mylady' *definitely* isn't! Second, *run*!" Katie had recovered enough to regain her bad attitude, and now feared for the man of Gondor's life. Her body ached, and she was still gasping for breath, but she was alive.  
  
"I am fine, Boromir. Quickly, into the mines before the monster returns." Meriweather's voice was light and utterly devoid of any pain.  
  
"Oh *now* you say something . . ." Katie griped, trying to see if there was any way she could put up enough of a fight to get Boromir to drop her. The situation was *very* uncomfortable. Emotionally and otherwise.  
  
Bet he won't be so eager to guard you when you get back to the *real* Middle Earth.  
  
Ya think?  
  
There was no further discussion as the enraged kraken drove the Fellowship plus one into Moria, ripping the doors apart and causing numerous rocks to cascade down and bury the entrance. Pitch blackness surrounded everything, and Katie had a momentary panic attack as she thought of what Boromir might do with Meriweather with the lights out.  
  
Thankfully, Gandalf got his staff working before anything could transpire. Meriweather was carefully lowered to her feet, and she dusted herself off, even as Sam handed her the bow he had managed to retrieve, though a typical monster would likely have smashed it on sight. She took her weapon with a cheerful "Thank you," before asking where their path lead.  
  
Katie meanwhile, was trying to maintain a straight posture that did not aggravate the bruising she was sure she had taken to the ribs, though Meriweather's flawless body would never betray such a thing.  
  
Gimli boasted about the famed hospitality of the Dwarves, Legolas close by his side. Oddly, not one word had been said about Moria being a tomb, and the amount of dusty carnage had been reduced to perhaps one skeleton every thirty feet. "Looks like somebody's a little squeamish," Katie remarked dryly.  
  
Not to mention that she's *totally* screwed up the entire order of things. What happened to the whole part about Frodo and the slimy lake monster? Nooo, it's all 'me me me, look at me! Forget the Ringbearer!'. Honestly . . .  
  
Or Boromir's 'It's a tomb' line. Or even Legolas's stunning archery skills when he hit the thing in the eye!  
  
We need to think of some kind of ultimate revenge.  
  
Soon, the empty cavern where Meriweather's brain was supposed to reside echoed with a fully-dueted version of 'I Know a Song That Gets on Everybody's Nerves." The Sue even began to hum it unconsciously, though none of the out-of-canon characters paid her any attention anyway.  
  
Onward they traveled through Moria, facing the long dark as Gandalf, were he in character, would have said. As it was, he warned them all against "badder things than orcs" and told them to be quiet. Katie chose to ignore the author and increase her volume level.  
  
When they came upon the three-way pause, Katie was looking forward to a quick rest, and looked about for a comfortable boulder. Her chest ached with every movement, but she did not have the choice of where to sit. Meriweather plopped herself down right next to Aragorn and Boromir, starting up a lively conversation, even though Gandalf was quite obviously trying to think. Legolas frowned at her and moved to stand near Sam instead of his post by Aragorn.  
  
At least they left your favorite alone. He gets enough as it is from other and worse authors.  
  
True, but I wish he did not hate me. You're lucky that Haldir only has a bit part in this whole thing.  
  
Would you rather that Legolas love you? And you leave my hotter elf out of this.  
  
Touchy! No, I would never want to subject Legolas to myself. I went down that path once already and quickly turned around to erase my tracks. The poor elf can do without me.  
  
At least people like Key and GreyLadyBast give the characters the proper respect.  
  
Yep. Oh. Is not.  
  
Is not what?  
  
Haldir is not hotter than Legolas, sorry to burst your bubble.  
  
I'm not getting into this with you *again*.  
  
You're right, because you'd lose.  
  
Whatever.  
  
"Ah, it's this way!" Gandlaf's cry-  
  
"Aiiee! My ears, my poor virgin ears!"  
  
Hon, your ears were de-virginized waaaaay back in Chapter One.  
  
-startled everyone, and they quickly got to their feet. Aragorn solicitously assisted Meriweather with her pack, but the Sue's movements in doing so caused an anguished cry of pain to escape Katie.  
  
I really hope you haven't broken anything.  
  
Owie, ow ow . . . me too . . .  
  
Hey, at least we'll get to see Dwarrowdelf.  
  
Suddenly the earth began to shake. There were mutual mental statements of, Uh oh.  
  
It is coming.  
  
The earthquake intensified, and the next thing Katie knew, she was standing in line with Legolas, Aragorn, and Boromir, bow drawn and a menacing look fixed upon her features.  
  
Ohhhh, here we go . . .  
  
Already there were sounds of orcs ripping and hacking at the barred door.  
  
This should be *fun*. The sarcasm couldn't get any thicker.  
  
Yeah. Riiight.  
  
  
  
[Aren't you all very lucky that I got two chapters done so soon? Glad to see that you all are still with me; all the reviews you give mean A LOT! I couldn't stop laughing and my roommates thought I was insane. Well, y'know, *more* insane. I meant to keep going, but the next part is sure to be involved, so I figured why not give y'all a little bit more? ] 


	13. Pincushion Practice

Disclaimer: If I repeated some of my old ones, would you care? They're still not mine, sorry, but if they were I'd rent them to y'all! Does that make you feel better?  
  
Silly me, wouldn't want to forget these . . .  
  
Kelli: Y'know, the funny thing about my roommates is . . . they all talk to themselves too. But I do have the tendency to laugh out loud at all my reviews and cause subsequent odd stares, etc. to be thrown my way. Is so. Thanks for your review, and hey, forward that story we could maybe probably PPC!  
  
Battgirl: Howdy, and welcome! Lovely to have you along! I liked each and every one of your reviews, and I'm even happier that you like the story! Yay! Your cliffhanger review had me laughing *so* hard . . . Anyways, wait until Chapter Ten for a *really* evil cliffhanger. I was almost locked in solitary confinement for it!  
  
Star Queen: I'm glad you're finding ways to keep yourself occupied. I'm telling you, forward some of your things to me! I'd love to read them and review for you! (I miss being able to do that for my readers.) And wait no more for this chapter!  
  
Kalva Tree-Night: Sorry, I'm thinking about moving the reviews to the *end* of the document now! I got so many because I think people were very relieved I hadn't left this story for dead on the edge of an immense cliffhanger! Hee hee. Oh, nitpick away! That's Meriweather's faithful author at work on her PC that's creating those errors, not me! LOL. Pleasure to have you reading!  
  
Goddess Isis: I hate perfect Sues, don't you? I can assure you that I'm working on a very, ahem, *fitting* way for the Sue to die. In the meantime, have this chapter to keep you laughing!  
  
Europa: I think you mean cave troll. LOL, now wouldn't it be funny if the Balrog showed up at a *very* inopportune time?  
  
GreyLadyBast: Yay! I'm so happy to hear from you! The filter at school keeps me from FF.net, so unless you have an accessible website, there isn't any way for me to read your stuff. It makes me sad! Anyway, glad you enjoyed, and you deserved to be mentioned! You're one of my favorite readers!  
  
Bryn: Gee, sometimes I think you're psychic. See below for my reasoning. I'm sorry I'm not able to review for you, but I *love* what you're doing with your "Out of the Frying Pan" story. I access it through Aralanthiriel's archives. Keep up the good work, I always look to see it she's updated you, especially when I need a good laugh!  
  
Laura: Nope, you didn't miss much, only Meriweather's nasty author misspelling Gandalf's name, which is what caused Katie to have a fit of hysterics. Poor girl. Can you imagine the mini-Balrogs created by this story?  
  
Earendil: Until you have to wait for the next chapter, right? Hee hee hee, have fun!  
  
Princess Joy: Okay, okay, calm down! Here you go, read it and enjoy.  
  
Rabia: I don't know, I think you and Bryn are getting together and having some kind of psychic ceremony. LOL, it's really interesting when the Sue is involved in a love triangle and *then* they get to fight over who gets to comfort her . . . mwahaha.  
  
Hmm . . . checking over my review list, I believe that Rabia has earned a special dedication and thank you ceremony! Thank you m'dear for all your wonderful comments, you deserve this chapter!  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Thirteen  
  
The bow of Meriweather was singing, ten times more rapidly than the bow of Legolas. Her never-ending supply of arrows hit every target, and each one always delivered the killing blow.  
  
Perfect aim, perfect skills . . .  
  
She's a perfect moron.  
  
The orcs swarmed the room, but all of them gave Meriweather a wide enough berth that she could easily pick them off without having to move or even duck in self-defense. It was like she had an invisible five-foot bubble around her.  
  
Probably so her hair and makeup don't get icky.  
  
Meanwhile, the rest of the Fellowship had their swordpoints kept busy on the few orcs that hadn't fallen to the Sue's bow. After all, she was an equal-opportunity killer . . . some of the time.  
  
She can't do *all* the work, the resident voice commented dryly. She might break a nail.  
  
Ah, and we wouldn't want that to happen, would we? Katie was trying to dispel the cold knot of fear in her stomach that something very *bad* was going to happen. And happen it did.  
  
A single orc stepped out from behind a pillar and released a bowstring, in clear view of Meriweather, who simply stood there and took the arrow in her shoulder. It was only then that she crumpled into a heap with a moaning cry of pain. Boromir was immediately at her side, setting his sword down and talking gently to her, his gloved hands carefully examining her wound.  
  
Katie, on the other hand, was beside herself in agony. Pain and murderous thoughts were the calmest things going through her head at that moment. She cried out, tears leaking down her face, wishing she could jam her hand in her mouth to stop the whimpers that she could not control.  
  
Dear God, please help me, she prayed desperately, even as Aragorn came to kneel on Meriweather's other side, across from Boromir. The battle raged on around the three of them, but to Katie's hazed mind it appeared like it was moving in slow motion.  
  
"Come Boromir. We must move her to a safe place," Aragorn said urgently, dropping his sword to help lift Meriweather/Katie.  
  
They're in . . . the middle of a battle . . . and they're unarmed. Real smart . . . Katie ground out, trying to hang on to some semblance of sanity. She was powerless to move, in the control of the Sue to a degree that was maddening beyond maddening. And the presence of Aragorn and Boromir was *not* helping things one little iota.  
  
"We must take the arrow out, Meriweather. Otherwise the wound could get infected."  
  
Aragorn's understatement, courtesy of Meriweather's author, scared Katie beyond all semblance of reasonable thought. For some reason, she tended to end up like that.  
  
He's a *healer* for pity's sake! If he didn't take the *stupid* arrow *out*, then obviously it won't get *better*!  
  
You're a bit irate, aren't you?  
  
Ya *think*?!  
  
Just calm down and let the story run its course. You cannot change it, so let the author deal with it.  
  
Katie left the thought unvoiced that she didn't *trust* the author to do anything right. Not even breathe. Her thoughts were distracted as Aragorn wrapped one hand around the shaft of the arrow and yanked.  
  
The scream must have mentally deafened Meriweather, because she lost control of her body as Katie jerked and recoiled in pain. Real screams of agony, not just bravely-muted cries resounded through Moria. Boromir was forced to hold Meriweather/Katie down as two minds fought for control.  
  
It was quite obviously Meriweather that got that privilege, because at that moment the cave troll chose to make his belated appearance by coming up behind Boromir and raising his club, intending to bring it down upon the man of Gondor's skull. Meriweather miraculously recovered all her willowy strength and in a flash grabbed up Aragorn's sword. In one fell swoop she cut off the monster's hand, and then ran the beast through. The cave troll dropped like several tons of potatoes.  
  
There were no coherent thoughts coming from Katie's end. Flashing images of horrible death and torture scenes maybe, but no thoughts. She wanted to pass out very badly, but was afraid of what other harm the Sue might do to her were she not to hang around in her world of hurt.  
  
She's . . . going . . . to kill . . . me . . .  
  
She *will* end up killing you, if you don't find a way out of this. Another reason you were chosen to be pulled into this nightmare: when Meriweather gets wounded, obviously her perfect body heals quickly, so the damage that disappears has to be inflicted on *somebody*.  
  
Thought you said . . . she couldn't . . . kill me . . .  
  
What's it to her if you die *at the end*?  
  
There was no response as Meriweather slumped back against a still-standing pillar, at the end of her apparent strength. Aragorn was quickly at her side, with Boromir shooting alternating concerned and scowling glances in their direction. Concern for Meriweather, and scowls for Aragorn. The love triangle had officially begun.  
  
When it rains, it pours.  
  
Shut . . . up.  
  
Aragorn expertly bandaged her shoulder as much as he could, though they were on the run from a couple million orcs.  
  
"To the Bridge of Kazoo-Doom!" Gandalf cried then, and hurriedly the future king of Gondor grabbed Meriweather's hand and both bolted out the door, past swarming hordes of orcs that leapt out of the floor and swarmed down the massive columns. The Fellowship did not pause until they were completely surrounded, but there was nothing more that Katie wanted to do except collapse. Nearly every part of her screamed for attention, but she could not give it. She was not allowed to give it.  
  
There was a flash of fire against the walls, and without preamble somebody (in a hobbit-voice) shouted, "Balrog!" Then the billions upon billions of orcs (it was quite a stunning picture, actually) simply vanished into the air like puffs of smoke.  
  
Katie didn't have the energy to even insult Meriweather. In other words, she was two inches from dropping dead.  
  
"Run!" For some odd reason, Gandalf's voice was toneless as he hurried them on, robe flapping behind him. The whole time, Aragorn had not relinquished the Sue's hand, and Boromir was not very far away.  
  
They came to the gap in the stairwell, and Legolas lightly leapt over, just as he was supposed to do. Then Meriweather gathered herself, and in a flash of incredibly long and shiny hair, she was beside the elf, ready and willing to catch the hobbits. Gimli came first, but Meriweather graciously stepped out of the way and allowed the stout being to fall flat on his face before rolling down a few steps. The dwarf sprang quickly to his feet, casting dark glances and muttered oaths in her direction.  
  
The Sue ignored him as Merry and Pippin landed safely in her amrs. (Though what sort of body parts those were no one knew.) The author was having a severe case of spellingitis.  
  
Sam followed, but Legolas was there first and the hobbit was quickly let down after Meriweather had seen that he was all right. She stood aside for Boromir, who quickly relieved the Sue of her place. Then she stood behind Gimli and cheered Aragorn, Frodo, and Gandalf on as they rode the unstable section of staircase that had come loose like a surfboard.  
  
This author is *so* dead.  
  
You . . . have no . . . *idea* . . .  
  
Hush, you'll make yourself worse.  
  
No, *she'll* make me worse.  
  
The trek on through Moria continued (but only after Aragorn had safely landed in Meriweather's loving bearhug) at a swift pace. As they neared the bridge, Gandalf caught Meriweather's arm (thankfully the good one) and told her, "Lead them on, fair lady. You are their only hope. Yonder lies the bridge."  
  
Meriweather nodded determinedly and pressed on, unsheathing her sword and charging to the head of the group. She was the first one across the bridge, but turned back as the others crossed after her. Boromir stopped beside her, even as Gandalf halted in the middle of the bridge and turned his back to the Fellowship.  
  
"Gandalf, no!" Meriweather's cries were lost in the thunderous growling of the Balrog. She had the humility to cower behind Boromir in fear as the fiery cretin brandished his flaming sword.  
  
"*You shall not pass!*" Gandalf's words rolled like crashing waves across the chasm that separated the Fellowship from certain death. The Balrog snarled and took a step forward, lashing out with his heretofore forgotten whip. The wizard did not back down, and as he drove his staff into the stone beneath his feet the bridge shuddered and trembled before snapping in half. The demon spawn tumbled and fell beyond sight into the darkness. But like sinister tongues of flame, even as Gandalf turned away, the Balrog's whip climbed from the depths and snared his foot.  
  
As he was pulled down to the abyss, clinging as a spider would to its last thread, Meriweather started forward, screaming. Boromir grabbed her forcibly (however, also gently) and called to Aragorn to see the hobbits safely out. Orc arrows chased them as they made fast their retreat, and yet another took Meriweather in the leg. She tripped and fell, but was quickly born up by Boromir, who seemed to take great pleasure in carrying her.  
  
Katie had no words left in her vocabulary that sufficed for this new addition to her list of injuries. As the remaining members of the Fellowship plus one burst forth into the sunlight onto the stone-littered hills outside Moria, she breathed a mental sigh of relief. It was then that Meriweather chose to render herself unconscious from the pain of her injuries, and Katie was very inclined to do likewise.  
  
So she did, but not before studiously slipping the sword from Sam's belt.  
  
  
  
[The end. You know what time it is, so find that friendly little button!] 


	14. Round Three

Disclaimer: In honor of you all, I have composed a rhyme, to inform you all that they are not mine. I wish they were, more than you know, but the Father above has not made it so. Thus doomed am I to write and dream, of men and elves yet unseen.  
  
Let's not keep anybody waiting . . .  
  
Europa: I know, you'd think she could find a Pronunciation for Dummies in Middle-Earth Dictionary or something . . .  
  
Laura: Technically, think of it this way: Meriweather snatched Katie's body, made a few cosmetic changes, and took over without so much as a by- your-leave. Katie is a prisoner, helpless bystander, etc. She might (in a weak moment of Meriweather's) be able to spout a comment or two that is utterly ignored by the characters because they're under the author's control, but not much more. And each and every one of my reviewers *is* special! You're all my friends, and I love to hear how your fanfics are coming, and I like reading the ones people send to me. I send my reviews back, because I can't access FF.net. Anyway, keep reading, and I hope my little dissertation helps you understand better!  
  
Star Queen: Lovely to hear from you! How am I surviving? I'm surviving because this really nice gal I know by the name of Star Queen sends me her really cool LOTR fanfiction titled "Jewel of My Heart". She needs to write more, I tell you! More! Hee hee hee.  
  
ShellMel: Hmm, it's an interesting thought; see my note to Laura up there. There's really only one body, and it belongs to Katie. When they're unconscious, their minds meet and take on physical form, but no damage is transferred between mental battles and physical ones. Confusing, isn't it? Read on, and maybe the chapter will help you to get my muddled explanation cleared up!  
  
Kalva Night-Tree: Oh don't worry, rabid Mary Sues couldn't keep me away!  
  
Rhikat: Nobody else can wait for what's in store for the Sue either! I think each and every one of us wants to see her killed a million different ways, but sadly, there's only one time to die. Unless I found some way to meddle with time and did it over and over again. Say now . . . Oh, about the P.P.C., no I haven't filled Jasper's partner's position, but if you give me your email address I'll send you the application. I'm doing a co- written chapter with another gal, but she's not my partner, so step right up and give it a try!  
  
Mizalaye: I'm thinking I might have to do some revamping of my body- snatching-Sue theory, but so far I haven't contradicted myself (I think.). We'll see how this chapter goes. As always, your reviews are so sincere and critical, and I appreciate them (even if you miss one or two, hee hee) a lot a lot! Read on, m'dear!  
  
Rabia: You deserved it! I always look for a review from you, because you always have something neat to say. As for Sam's sword, all shall be explained in this next chapter, for you and the rest of the unholy masses following this story. (Honestly, I didn't think it'd ever be this popular . . .) LOL, yeah, just step away from that keyboard now . . .  
  
Nathonea: Good heavens, if I didn't write more, I know of about fifty people that would come and hunt me down! I'm very glad that you liked it, and I'm even happier that you have chosen to read and review! Welcome welcome!  
  
Zurizip: Hey, she's a Mary Sue author, so of *course* she's the spawn of Sauron. I mean, what else could she be? (Don't answer that . . . I have a pretty good idea.)  
  
NightShade: Oooh, nice insult! Can I hire you to write them for me? You can share fifty-fifty with the review profits! Ha ha ha! Thanks for the review, glad you enjoyed, now go forth and enjoy more!  
  
I think that covers just about everybody! And now I hereby unveil the dedication of this chapter to . . . Laura! Thanks for your funny comments, praises, and general wackiness that you are not afraid to spread around to the rest of the insane world!  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Fourteen  
  
It's payback time!  
  
Yeah baby!  
  
Katie eagerly opened her eyes and climbed to her feet, looking around for Sam's sword. The injuries to her poor abused body seemed to diminish as her adrenaline began to pump.  
  
Where's the sword?  
  
Oh, Sam's sword?  
  
Duh, yeah? How else am I going to fight her? Katie glanced about her in a panic. Meriweather was still out cold on the floor, but she wouldn't be for long. The Sue suddenly twitched, then sat up in a blinding flash of hair, eyes wild.  
  
Um . . . you're locked in a *mental* battle.  
  
So?! Now would be a good time to find the sword!  
  
Take a second and think about it.  
  
I don't have a second! I want that sword *now*!  
  
Sam's sword was a *physical* object, you imbecile! It didn't translate!  
  
There was mental silence.  
  
That's what I thought.  
  
Shut. *Up*.  
  
Meriweather had recovered sufficiently enough to draw her sword. She growled low in her throat, tossing her long hair from her eyes. "You have messed with me for the last time!"  
  
Somehow I doubt that, Katie's alter ego said dryly.  
  
Even as the Sue began to charge, Katie shrieked mentally, What am I gonna do?!  
  
Look, her sword is something she made up in her mind. Look at the fake gold hilt with the gibberish etched on it! If she can imagine her weapons, so can you!  
  
Meriweather was momentarily taken aback when a huge club appeared in Katie's hands.  
  
A club? That's the *best* you could do?  
  
I was in a pinch, all right? Besides . . . it's kind of cute. In a Neolithic way.  
  
"Hear me and hear me well, Meri-Sue. You can give up now and we can both go back to the way we belong. Me back to bed, and you back to some dusty RAM file in somebody's computer. Don't make me hurt you."  
  
Meriweather got her voice back long enough to sneer, "You couldn't hurt me if you tried. And I will never give up. I represent a greater power than you can deal with. Try as much as you like. I doubt you can even swing that thing."  
  
"First, it's club. Not a thing. You'd think you'd be able to keep your basic weaponry straight. Second, fine. I've got something better that would really make me feel good when I beat the tar out of you." Katie tossed her current weapon to one side and thought with great relish and detail what she wanted.  
  
The Sue actually paled and took three steps backward as she looked at her opponent's new acquirement.  
  
Katie grinned fearsomely as she hefted her steel mace. The handle was wrapped in sleek black leather, and etched into it around the base was a short verse: Death cometh on swift wings. The sharpened spikes glinted, and Katie weighed it in her hands, keeping her menacing smile in place. "Still won't give in?"  
  
Meriweather seemed incapable of replying, her eyes round as saucers.  
  
I guess she's never seen anything beyond swords, bows, and axes.  
  
Then this should be real educational for her, Katie snickered. Aloud she replied, "Good, I was hoping you hadn't. You see, I owe you something for my aching ribs and the holes in my shoulder and thigh-"  
  
Incidentally, did you know you still have the arrow in that last one?  
  
Katie spared a moment to look down and all but gag in disgust. Eergh . . . it's a good thing there's no real pain when you're unconscious . . . and that I'm high on an adrenaline rush.  
  
"I will not give up so easily," Meriweather snarled, raising her sword defensively. "Aragorn is *mine*."  
  
That's it, it's official. She's mad.  
  
"You're insane. He's *Arwen's!* I noticed you conveniently overlooked that little detail."  
  
"Do you have anything important to say, or shall I defeat you and get back to *my* story?" The Sue's harsh voice grated on Katie's nerves.  
  
"Morons first," Katie smiled grimly.  
  
"Aargh!" Meriweather yelled incoherently and swung her sword in a wide arc, almost as if she intended to take off an arm. Katie blocked her clumsy move easily and returned her own blow, which took her enemy in the side. The spikes dug into Meriweather's clothes, and guessing from her unearthly howl, something a little more sensitive than fabric.  
  
A flicker tugged at the corner of her eye, and Katie spared a moment to glance over. The portal to the real Middle-Earth was starting to form. Taking heart, she backed off and allowed Meriweather to try and recover.  
  
What for? She doesn't deserve it. Finish her!  
  
Yet Katie hesitated. She's not really a person, is she?  
  
People have to have brains in order to be people. Meriweather is a facsimile of some author sitting behind a keyboard and typing her misspelled heart out. It is not murder. If anything, you're doing the fanfiction world a favor, her voice reassured her.  
  
Right. Gathering herself, Katie took the butt-end of her mace and swung it with all her might as she would a baseball bat at the back of Meriweather's head. The Sue was still crouched over her bleeding side, and took no notice of anything until she crumpled.  
  
"Yes!" Katie switched her mace the right end up and leapt over the Meriweather's form to the portal. The rocky plains outside of Moria beckoned.  
  
Wait! Don't you think you should remove that . . . lovely projectile in your leg before you'll be able to feel it?  
  
Oh . . . Katie gingerly touched the black shaft, wiggling it experimentally. Bracing herself, though in her right mind she knew she wouldn't feel a thing, she tugged gently. It's caught! It must have barbs on it. I'll do more damage taking it out than leaving it in.  
  
So in other words, you're going to let Aragorn deal with it.  
  
Katie froze, cold fear stealing over her. Oh no. No way. I'll . . .   
  
You'll what? Her voice sounded smug beyond smug.  
  
I'll be leaving now, and worrying about it when I wake up. Everything was always all right in the morning, in daylight.  
  
That said, Katie hopped through the portal, and into a world of darkness.  
  
  
  
[And so to answer Rabia's question, Sam's sword did not make it to the battle because it was a physical object in a "real world". But, since the author of Meriweather's story imagined all of Meriweather's weapons, it is logical that Katie can do the same. Lucky for us Meriweather possesses no imagination or thought processes, other wise Katie might have been staring down the maw of a bazooka. Anyway, until Chapter 15, I remain faithfully yours! ~ Key] 


	15. Extraction

D uh, they're not mine  
  
I really wish they were  
  
S o I could really earn some  
  
C ash to help me through  
  
L ife's long  
  
A nd perilous road  
  
I n this earth we  
  
M ust travel together  
  
E veryone of us  
  
R ight forth together.  
  
And now that special section:  
  
Trintula: Yeah, that pretty much sums up the thoughts of myself and my readers. Now all I need is a creative way to pull it off . . .  
  
Lady Silence: Hey, admittance is the first step to a cure! I'm glad you appreciate my rather odd brand of humor . . . sarcasm is a lost art or something. I hope you continue to read!  
  
Cynda-chan: I know, pathetic, isn't it? Though not as bad as "Lostlauren". . .  
  
Katakanadian: Aw, thanks! It means a lot to be put on people's favorites lists. As for your story, I promise I'll get to it. I'm trying to catch up while I'm home . . . "Plageristic paraphrasations"? Well, at least I cite my paraphrasing at the end, so you can't kill me, ha ha! Anyway, enjoy!  
  
Akamu: Yeah, a love, um, decagon would be a trifle hard to keep up with, wouldn't it? Yeah, torturing Katie is pretty interesting? I have to keep thinking of new and interesting things to do to her. Mwahahaha . . . but it's the best part of the job!  
  
The Soup Nazis: Like your name, I'm sure there's an interesting story behind it! I intend to keep writing, and I'm pleased you chose to read and review!  
  
Eirtae: I like pronouncing your name, it's pretty. And yes, I am off on totally random thoughts this morning! Hey, it's Christmas Eve and I'm home! Anyway, back to you . . . wow, I didn't realize myself how long it takes to get through the entire story so far, but thanks for sticking with it! Glad I can hold my audience's attention, and thank you for reviewing.  
  
Earendil: Hey, I remember you! I think you're due a dedication around here sometime in the future. I'll make a memo to myself for a chapter coming to websites near you sometime next week . . . or a few weeks after, depending. Thanks for your confidence and positive comments.  
  
GreyLadyBast: Well, yeah, it's always bound to get interesting when pain and torment enter the scene. Nice to know you're still with me! Don't let me forget to visit your fics while I'm home. Send me hate mail or something, ha ha!  
  
Katie Tann: You, m'dear, I like! Rarely do I ever get such an imaginative review, and I keep rereading it for some strange reason. I too enjoy tripping over lovely little gems on FF.net, and if you ever need a recommendation, I know of several archives that have stories with plots! And you'll have to tell me what you thought of my other fics, since most don't receive much attention. I look forward to hearing more from you!  
  
Phoenix Flight: Well, you'll have to see how I had it turn out . . . I'm not *quite* satisfied, but at least there's some insight as to the feelings of the Fellowship. Enjoy!  
  
Rabia: I think I know you from somewhere, your name sounds familiar . . . I got attacked by rabid roommates and then got temporary amnesia from the purple alligator that lived in the shower, and . . . okay, so I had exams. I like the other excuse better. I'm still mulling over the sequel idea . . . I may have to do a quickie survey at the end of the next chapter, when I've had some more time to think about it. But the thought is definitely there. Never fear, the update is here!  
  
Zurizip: Well, we could have a love square going . . . nah. Poor Haldir! I felt so bad when he died . . . (yes, I'm still in denial over the fact, and I've seen TTT twice . . .) Galadriel would find Katie an interesting mental study, I'm sure . . .  
  
Lady Moon: Hiya! I'm pleased to hear that you like the whole thing, even though it takes awhile to get through and is likely confusing in some places. Mwahaha . . . I am pleased to do your work, Lady. Hmm . . . "Minion of the Moon" has an interesting ring to it . . .  
  
Cat: Sad that there's so much stupid stuff in the Lord of the Rings section, isn't it? I'm glad this was a welcome change for you. Also, if you have questions and leave me an email address, I try to do my best and respond to any confusion my fanfictions have raised. Don't be afraid to ask!  
  
Rhikat: Keep reminding me about the email. Send me hate mail or something. I respond well to that. (ShererCrew@aol.com) He he he . . . I think Bromir might have fun with you . . .  
  
Laura W.: I see what you mean about it being a mite confusing . . . I have to do my best to keep it all straight myself! I always have this nagging fear that somehow I've totally contradicted myself . . . well, this chapter wasn't soon, but it's still here!  
  
Laura: I didn't know I had two Lauras, go figure. Ha ha, you're the first person I've heard who actually didn't want Katie to win and go home. I've had one request for a sequel, as TTT just was released, and a whole new flood of fanfics will soon enter our already besieged fanfiction continuum. I shudder at the thought. I haven't quite decided what I'll do yet. I may take a poll for general opinion, so be on the lookout for that!  
  
Mizalaye: Boy am I happy to see you! It feels like I haven't talked to you in forever! (Maybe that would be because we don't really talk . . . but hey, go with what you've got!) Your reviews always crack me up (right now my little brother is giving me odd looks) and make my day! So here's the next chapter, as an obligatory thank you (or something like that.)  
  
Europa: Inventing weapons is always fun. Like a six-triggered cross-bow, for example. Each trigger kills a different way . . . anyway, things should be interesting later on, with the mace and everything.  
  
Morruniel: I'm so happy you are enjoying my fanfiction! I most cordially invite you to keep reading!  
  
Star Queen: Hey, as long as Meri-Sue gets sufficiently injured, I don't care how it's done! Toss her into the Harry Potter continuum and let them rip 'er apart! Ha ha. Personally, I think Beleghir wants to marry Lothiriel out of political convenience . . . or maybe he's insanely jealous or something . . . men are fickle creatures, aren't they? Mwahaha . . .  
  
Dazzle: Okay, keep reading and I'll keep writing, ha!  
  
This chapter (with much applause and fanfare) is dedicated to ALL MY REVIEWERS! A thank you from one author who feels really, really special to be worthy of all this attention. Merry Christmas to you all!  
  
Thanks to all who have read and reviewed "Penance". Your comments are valuable, and I treasure your criticism and praise. For those of you who do not know of what I speak, "Penance" is the sequel of "The Haven" which is the sequel of "One Moment, Untainted". Isn't it interesting how my one stand-alone has developed such a list following it?  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Fifteen  
  
Boromir came to himself rapidly, blinking in the harsh sunlight outside Moria. He looked around him for a brief moment, unsure as how he had come to be there. Then the memories came flooding back to him, and the strong man of Gondor shuddered. Gandalf had fallen, Meriweather had taken hurt, but what of the others?  
  
He quickly scanned the hilly terrain, counting the remaining members of the Fellowship. They were all present, and their number yet included Katie, who was saying something to a nearby Merry in a tone of voice that belied great strain. Boromir repressed an unnerving shiver and carefully began to pick his way towards them.  
  
Merry Brandybuck was staring with a shocked expression on his face at the orc dart firmly embedded in the girl's thigh. Her hands were wrapped around it, as if she thought she could keep him from seeing her injury. "You must tell Strider," the hobbit insisted, but Katie was being mule- headed. Her every movement told of the pain she suffered, but her eyes held a haunted look that spoke of her fear of Aragorn.  
  
"Tell me what?" Unseen, the Dunadan had circled to the opposite side of Katie. Before he could see the wound, she began circling with him.  
  
"Nothing," she replied, her tone not fooling the Ranger one bit.  
  
Aragorn exchanged glances with Merry, who crossed his arms and dutifully reported, "She's got an arrow in her leg." The hobbit averted his own eyes from the painful-looking wound.  
  
"You have an *arrow* in your leg?" Aragorn demanded, his expression turning to one of alarm. "Is it of orcish make?"  
  
Reluctantly Katie turned so he could see the wound, unsteadily keeping her balance, though she wanted to collapse. The Ranger drew back a little, but his resolve hardened and he set his jaw. He advanced toward Katie, one hand unslinging his pack.  
  
With a startled exclamation she stepped back and tripped over a boulder, landing hard. Gathering herself quickly the girl tried to crawl backwards on all fours, but a solid body behind her stopped her retreat. Before she could react, someone's strong arm pinned her back against their chest, immobilizing her arms.  
  
"Legolas!" Katie gasped. "Let me go! It is not as bad as it looks." Her struggles grew more feverish as Aragorn moved closer.  
  
In a silent response the kneeling elf simply grasped her tighter until she gave up, breathing heavily in exertion and panic. Daggers of pain lanced up her leg as Aragorn knelt beside the injury with a small bag of medical herbs. He carefully examined the arrow and probed the incision, eliciting a whimpering noise from Katie.  
  
"It is barbed," he said quietly, looking first at Legolas, then at Katie. The elf tensed, his expression of coolness wavering. He would likely have his hands very full in a moment. He could sense the girl's fear in her rapid heartbeat and the way her white-knuckled hands gripped his restraining arm across her.  
  
By that time the remainder of the Fellowship had gathered around, forming an unwelcome audience. Aragorn ignored them all as he slipped a knife from its sheath. Directing once more gaze at the elf, he said, "Hold her, Legolas. Boromir, stand ready to help him. Sam, see if you and Gimli can kindle a quick fire to boil some water. Hurry, we cannot lose much time. These hills will swarm with orcs soon enough." With that, he bent to his task.  
  
Katie sucked in a breath and winced, willing herself not to make a sound. She fought the urge to cry out as the Ranger maneuvered the arrow back and forth, sending greater waves of agony shivering through her. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, willing for it to end, for the pain to leave her.  
  
She longed for some sort of comfort, but she was alone. The presence of the elf at her back was cold; Legolas was only doing his duty as he saw it. Aragorn was a seasoned healer, and though his ministrations were as gentle as he could make them, he was also acting out of a sense of duty. Unbidden, tears that Katie could not push away began to leak out of the corners of her tightly closed eyes. As independent as she pretended to be, the only thing she wanted at that moment was her mother. Someone with compassion and comfort, to tell her all would eventually be well.  
  
But to ask that of any of the Fellowship . . . wasn't that the same as Meriweather? To desire that they pity her and comfort her?  
  
No, it's not the same. Her voice was calm, and surprisingly devoid of any sarcastic humor. She forces it from them, and you do not do that. You cannot do that, for here they will offer their own feelings at their own will. They do not trust you yet enough to open up. And after what they have suffered, do you doubt their reasons?  
  
No, Katie did not doubt their motives. After all, had she trusted Aragorn with her healing? Did she trust any of the Fellowship with her own feelings or thoughts? She knew she didn't.  
  
A particularly vicious twist of pain caused her to groan aloud through clenched teeth, and she jerked back, causing Legolas' firm embrace to tighten as she cowered against him. Being brave wasn't working, and Katie didn't want it to go on any longer. She could not hold her agony inside any more and each breath seemed to be a sob. Never so badly had she wished to be home.  
  
Legolas kept his gaze firmly on Aragorn, watching the man's movements with a focus that would have made his teachers in Mirkwood proud. He guessed from the Ranger's expression that the news would not be good. Likely the arrow had been poisoned. The girl, for her part, was remarkably controlled. The elf had half-expected to have to ask Boromir's assistance, but Katie had given him no cause.  
  
He wondered if she and Meriweather were different. They appeared nearly similar, but from the beginning Legolas had felt a shadow lurking around Meriweather and the evil she represented. He had tried to avoid her at all costs, and so far had mostly succeeded. There had been few moments when he had not been himself, but they were relatively few, and involved usually moving somewhere, but never speaking.  
  
Yet the feeling Legolas had guarded himself against with Meriweather was not present in Katie. And her actions spoke more that she was afraid of the Fellowship than blindly attracted to them. She rarely spoke or asked anything, and preferred being alone to intruding on their conversations. It was as if she had a foreknowledge that she did not belong and was afraid to ruin what she knew would happen.  
  
Such philosophizing was not typical of Legolas, but he realized that there was but one question that needed answering, could Katie be trusted? His thoughts were interrupted as the girl in question let out a sharp yelp, wrenching to one side, away from her wound.  
  
"Be still!" Aragorn cried. "I nearly have it." He looked grimly at Legolas, and the elf understood: the Ranger would need to pull the arrow out the rest of the way and then cleanse the gash of the poison.  
  
The Mirkwood elf returned his gaze to Katie and found her looking at him with an anxious gleam in her eyes. "Do not worry," he said. The girl studied him, then nodded. Legolas realized that she trusted him to tell her the truth. He saw Aragorn tense, and without knowing quite why he did it, Legolas began to hum softly, an ancient tune that had never ceased to put him to sleep as a child.  
  
Some of the tightness left Katie's body, even as her eyes closed once more at the Ranger's movements, though the worst was yet to come. Aragorn yanked swiftly and the girl recoiled, pressing one fist to her mouth and biting down hard on one of her knuckles. Yet no sound escaped her except ragged breathing.  
  
Legolas was well into the second verse when the Ranger finished mixing his healing herbs with the boiling water Sam and Gimli had managed to appropriate. Aragorn applied them deftly, purging the wound to the best of his ability with his meager resources. Then he swiftly bound it with a length that he had torn from some piece of dark clothing.  
  
"The sooner we reach Lothlorien, the better," he said grimly. "I would feel better knowing I had proper herbs to work with. Can you stand?" Strider asked Katie, who felt that his ministrations had ended none too soon.  
  
"Yes," she replied, doing so to prove her point. She glanced back at Legolas and smiled slightly at him in silent thanks before turning her back. Whether or not I can, I will so that I am not forced to use someone like Boromir for a crutch, Katie thought to herself, doing her best not to limp. The pain she felt now was nothing compared to what she had endured only moments before.  
  
"Good. Come. We have a long road, and much to do." He gathered all the Fellowship together, and they stood looking over the landscape. Aragorn spotted their path, a worn track that had long since been overgrown by the passage of time and many weeds. They pressed on, until Gimli came to Durin's stone. The dwarf regarded it with reverence, before begging leave to look at the wonders of the dale, taking Frodo with him. Sam followed. Upon their return all three seemed awestruck, and when Pippin questioned them as to what they had seen, they did not respond.  
  
Katie trudged near the rear, a few paces ahead of Boromir, as was her usual tradition. Yet she made no move to engage in conversation, too caught up in trying to place one foot in front of the other. Her limp was steadily becoming more pronounced, but she refused to accept any help. A few moments before she had looked to her shoulder, only to see a quarter-sized bloodstain spreading across the white fabric of Sam's loaned shirt. Not wishing to attract any more attention to herself, Katie merely pulled Boromir's cloak around her shoulders, though it was not cold.  
  
Eventually the road began to descend, and the company passed a well, which Gimli warned them all against drinking from it, due to its icy temperatures.  
  
"Soon it becomes a swift river, and it gathers water from many other mountain-streams," said Aragorn. "Our road leads beside it for many miles. For I shall take you by the road that Gandalf chose, and first I hope to come to the woods where the Silverlode flows into the Great River - out yonder."  
  
Gandalf. The sorrow the name struck into the company's hearts was palpable. They had not had much time to dwell on their emotions, and they could not afford to start now. Katie pitied them, for she knew of the outcome of the whole tale, and she could not tell them to offer comfort. She dared not open her mouth and even give them sympathetic words, lest she put something in motion that could not be stopped or repaired.  
  
Instead she looked out over the landscape, in the direction that the Ranger pointed. The stream wound through a lush valley and was lost in a golden haze, at the very limits of Katie's limited vision. Yet she had a good idea of what the haze was.  
  
Legolas confirmed her hunch. "There lie the woods of Lothlorien! That is the fairest of all the dwellings of my people. There are no trees like the trees of that land." The members of the Fellowship barely suppressed tolerant smiles as the elf went on to embellish in detail the beauty of the trees and the stateliness of the forest.  
  
Katie steeled herself as Aragorn directed them onward. Many miles away, he had said. She only prayed that she could hold up that long.  
  
  
  
[A/N: The end of this chapter is full of paraphrasing and quotes from the book. I do not own these quotes, and if I knew how to properly cite a source in a fanfic, I would. My pathetic attempt is as follows:  
  
Tolkien, J.R.R. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. New York: Ballantine Books, 1954. Pages 373-75.  
  
Sorry this chapter is not as full as fun and laughter as they usually are, but I wanted a bit of seriousness. Don't worry, we'll be back into mental conversations and mispronunciations before you know it!] 


	16. Gaining the Border

Disclaimer: Y'know what? See Chapter One! Argh! I'm so tired of writing these things!  
  
And to the rabid masses of reviewers:  
  
Lindriel: Thank you! Such reassurance that Katie is sufficiently different always boosts my spirits. It helps me to know that I'm across that M.S. line.  
  
Lady Q: I'm pleased you found it entertaining, and I hope you keep reading!  
  
Lightning Rain: I know, can you tell that I've actually read those sorts of things? It pains me to admit it, but that's the brutal truth and how I get away with making fun of it so well.  
  
Tattycat: Thanks, I try. I'm still trying to hang onto some shred of modesty with 247 reviews snapping at my heels!  
  
Pixiegal: I loved your specific review, especially the comments about dialogue. It always makes me feel better when people tell me *exactly* what they liked and what they didn't. Thank you!  
  
My Anonymous Reviewer: Yes, I've been thinking on that exact conundrum for quite awhile. I have a fair idea of how this paradox will be resolved, but the release of TTT has put me at an impasse. We'll see how it goes!  
  
Goddess Isis: Well, wait for Lothlórien no longer! Okay, I'll be honest, this is only the first half, but this is going to be *long*. Read on!  
  
Stage-Rose: Aw, thank you. I really am a serious writer, so this story is a change from a lot of my other work (posted and unposted). Thank you for your vote of confidence on the balance. And the Boromir award! I'm going to hang it on my wall! Have you read my fic called Penance yet? It's a short Boromir-focused piece, which I thought was due him.  
  
Cynda-chan: Yay! Thanks for the compliment about the seriousness. I don't think it's so much will he accept her (too M.S. in my eyes) but will he simply trust her? Will any of them trust her and see her as different from Meriweather who abused them so? Different angle, ne?  
  
J.L. Leisel: Well, I certainly hope this chapter is long enough! It was way too long for me!  
  
Ghost Dancer: Well, no Galadriel yet in this half of the Lothlórien section, but next chapter, I promise! The question, however, is will it be Meriweather or Katie who gets to meet her? Mwahaha.  
  
Miao-miao: Okay!  
  
Innocent-Penguin: It gets harder and harder to keep my head small enough to fit through most standard doorways when I keep receiving such great reviews as yours! I know, Haldir was my second favorite elf! I was upset for days and I even went through the book twice to see if he really died. Grr! Anyway, keep reading!  
  
Rabia: You mean you hadn't snapped before? LOL. I don't know, maybe Meriweather's author will revive her or something. Like they have a tendency to do. I've been kind of afraid to go back into the melee that is the LOTR section of FF.net because I know what lurks there. I don't know. I'm thinking of turning to a different angle...like a whole new fangirl to victimize. Wouldn't that be interesting? And anybody who wants to flame you can go through me first! (The puke-gobbling, festering worms that they are.)  
  
Alaina: Yes, there are a few things that I don't agree with in the movies. I think (note the tentative use here) that the twins were sitting on either side of Elrond during the council, though they were never named. I'm pretty sure that they *have* to make an appearance in ROTK. And I would have given an arm and a leg to see Glorfindel. I mean, the guy didn't kill a Balrog only to be left out of the movie, c'mon! Anyway, I'm done with my rant. Go read!  
  
Princess Joy: Yes, Your Highness. If I had a silver platter, I'd give this chapter to you on it! LOL.  
  
Katie Tann: Yay! You rock, did you know that? I **love** your reviews! And I'm pleased that you liked The Haven. Though One Moment, Untainted I think will always be my favorite, because it started it all. Anyway, I haven't decided which option we'll go with yet. If I run out of ways to make fun of the Sue (which I haven't yet) then Katie may just slaughter Meriweather. But then that leaves the loose end of some evil authoress out there... Hmph. The possibilities are endless, aren't they? Mwaha.  
  
Contia-Mirian: It was my pleasure, and I'm glad you liked 15.  
  
Starbrat: Ooh, you're back! I missed you! (Yes, I did notice you were gone.) Glad I'm still up to par!  
  
Azaelia Sapphire: Thanks for the vote of confidence. And to answer your question about Glorfindel: I hadn't quite worked out my own set of rules when dealing with book vs. movie characters in the beginning, when he would have been key to the plot. So for sake of simplicity I left him out back then, but I don't know how it might go later on. Yes, he's free, just like Elladan and Elrohir, but I didn't have a chance to fit him in. Maybe we'll be seeing him later!  
  
Mage O'Dell: Pleasure to make your acquaintance (as well as Haldir's). I might have to go read that rant of yours (I like rants, I have them quite often.). Go forth and read!  
  
Laura: So I had you squirming, huh? Good! At least I elicit some sort of response. Yeah, but then Katie'd have to contend with Meriweather, and I'm reasonably sure she doesn't want that. Yet she never knows when she'll go back...  
  
SilentStep: Thank you. I truly enjoyed your review and the simple power you put in it. As for FF.net, I hope it gets cleared up soon, because I sure haven't gone anywhere!  
  
CoolGirlChic: I'm glad you liked the change (so do I) after wading through so much junk. Keep reading and being refreshed!  
  
Zurizip: Amen! Death to them all! A Swiss Army knife? How on earth did you manage to do that? On second thought, maybe I don't want to know. Anyway, read on!  
  
Mizalaye: YAY! I missed your reviews! (Of course if I updated sooner than I'd see them more often, wouldn't I?) Thanks for the compliment about the contrast between Katie and Meriweather, I valued *that* immensely. Yeah, she can be a real moron sometimes, can't she? Look out for more stubbornness in the chapter!  
  
Europa: Thanks! I'll try to keep the updates coming!  
  
Trintula: LOL, thanks for whacking Meriweather. She deserves it, doesn't she? Stupid Sue. Kill them all, in my opinion. Thanks for the review!  
  
Saiyan-Girl-Cheetah: Okay, okay, I'm updating! And it's longer! Way long, if I'm not mistaken. Ha ha. Likely boring, but it's long! Thanks for your encouragement!  
  
Morruniel: Yay, I like applause, it makes me feel special! I'm glad that you liked the portrayal of Meriweather vs. Katie. It's something I've worked hard on, and it's paid off!  
  
Katakanadian: I've made a note to myself to read your fanfiction, so don't let me forget. Oh, I know, horror indeed. I took it from the angle that Legolas and Aragorn likely had met before in Mirkwood (when Gollum was brought there as a prisoner) so they had a better understanding of one another. They wouldn't have to announce their intentions aloud, which likely would have caused Katie to have a heart attack. Which would have been bad. You know, you're the first person to compliment me on the citation. *Thank you*.  
  
Note: This chapter may be longer than many of my others, due to the fact that working from the book takes a lot more time and pages. I'm not so sure any of you will be unhappy, but I have been told that Meriweather is much more entertaining than Katie. But I don't think we need the Mary Sue desecrating Lothlórien. I shiver thinking about it.  
  
Okay, this particular dedication means a lot to me, because of who I'm choosing. None of my regular readers know who these two are, but I feel that you need to. College was a real struggle for me, writing-wise. It will likely be next semester also. I couldn't find the energy or motivation to write. Then I made the fortunate mistake of letting two LOTR buddies copy my entire back-up CD to their laptops. They discovered Trapped As A Mary Sue and read the entire thing without my knowledge (or consent). Soon I found that I couldn't even say hi to them without being interrogated as to why I wasn't writing something. It was their ruthless demand, support, pressure, and overall love that helped me to write anything for this story last semester. I am and forever will be indebted to them, as much as I am to those who have helped me to post and read rough drafts for me.  
  
Sam and April, this chapter is for you, my partners and taskmasters in writing.  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Sixteen  
  
One more step. Just one more, Katie coached her leg. She didn't want to make the Fellowship stop; she would not let them stop for her. She brushed damp strands of hair out of her face, sweating in the bright daylight. Likely Boromir's cloak was causing her this added discomfort, but Katie did not need any more attention if the company was to reach Lothlorien with any haste.  
  
At least, due to Meriweather's previous meddling, we will not stop for Frodo and Sam's injuries, she thought to herself. The hobbits were untouched, though both were to have sustained wounds in Moria.  
  
No, but they may stop for you, should you collapse, her voice remarked dryly.  
  
I don't intend to do any such thing.  
  
Why don't you convince your leg of that? her counterpart said in a snide tone as the said limb crumpled beneath her. Katie went down with a muffled shout of surprise, rapidly clawing herself back to her feet with the help of a nearby shrub. She had fallen to the rear long ago, for her pace was slower, and in the preoccupied state of the members of the Fellowship, she had not been missed. Strangely that fact did not bother her, for now there had been no one to observe her ungraceful downfall.  
  
"Katie?"  
  
Well, almost no one. She raised her head to see the one person who would have heard her outcry: Legolas. "I'm coming," Katie said, keeping her voice as calm as the situation permitted.  
  
"You are not well." The elf made it a statement, and the girl could not challenge him. "I shall fetch Aragorn."  
  
"No!" Katie desperately pled. "No, do not get him, Legolas. We do not have time to spend on my weaknesses. Trust me," and she saw him blink at her words, "when I say that I shall be fine."  
  
He regarded her with his keen gaze before replying, "I will trust your judgment. Come, the others are waiting."  
  
Katie forced her feet to move faster, snugging Boromir's cloak closer about her shoulders as she trotted to rejoin the others, Legolas at her heels. She smiled wanly at them in reassurance, and their pace continued. She was relieved to see that Legolas said nothing to Strider, and that the Ranger did not give her a second glance.  
  
You got lucky.  
  
Darn skippy, Katie replied, settling back into the rhythm of walking. Before long another swift river ran down to join the Silverlode which the company followed, and together both plunged down a waterfall, into a small lush valley. The dell was riddled with pines and shrubs, and the babbling stream flowed right through the center of it, sparkling on the rounded stones as it trickled on its way.  
  
The sun had already begun its descent from the horizon, but all knew that they were still too close to Moria for any lasting comfort, come nightfall. The decision to stop for a quick meal was grudgingly accepted, but no sooner had it been accomplished than all nine were on the move once more.  
  
Keep going, you can make it . . . Katie repeated to herself, resisting the temptation of reciting the fateful line, "I think I can . . ."  
  
Night's coming on, her voice announced, almost as if reporting the weather. But you'll make it farther than you're supposed to, because Frodo and Sam weren't injured.  
  
That gave Katie pause. Even with the tending of my own wound, there will still be extra time?  
  
She could almost feel her inner voice nodding, if that was possible. I'd say no more than an hour, but no less than a half of one. You need to do something, or the canon may permanently skew.  
  
Katie grumbled, It's a good thing you remember so much of the details, for I most certainly don't.  
  
The voice sounded smug. I can look into your subconscious any time I please. Let's just say that it's interesting.  
  
She cringed at that. Oh dear. I can only imagine . . . Rapidly Katie tried to think of something that would make for a quick diversion, other than something that would get her beheaded, such as "Look out, there's a dragon behind you!". For some reason, she thought that might not go over too well. However, her shaky leg solved her immediate problem.  
  
"Gah!" Katie bit down on the yell before it was even fully formed, but there was no hiding her slip, for she had been walking in the midst of the companions, not five steps away from Aragorn. She fell to one knee, causing Gimli to pull himself up short.  
  
"What is wrong now?" the dwarf demanded a trifle irritably. "Can you not walk?"  
  
"I am trying my best, Master Dwarf," Katie said tersely, pushing herself back up to her feet, but she immediately stumbled once more, this time falling to both knees. "But my body does not respond to my will." Indeed, she felt incredibly weakened. She trembled with fatigue, but burned with the heat of the cloak about her shoulders.  
  
"Peace, Gimli. Let me tend to this." Aragorn's commanding tone caused Katie's heart to sink. As much as she respected the Dunadan, she could not shake the persistent memories of what Meriweather had said to him, or of what she had made him say to her. But in this way, the timing of the book was being put to rights. Small sacrifices had to be made.  
  
Aragorn seated Katie on a fallen log and quickly unbound the wound. His brow wrinkled in confusion. "It still bleeds freely," he explained. "The poison may yet linger, though it should have been cleansed." The Ranger reached for his herbs once more and packed the incision with them before tightly rewrapping it. "There is little I can do here on the road, but it puzzles me that the poison is not vanquished." His intense gaze bored into Katie's eyes, and she blinked before looking away.  
  
"I am sure that when we reach Lothlorien things can be remedied," was all the girl could think of to say.  
  
"My eyes miss little, Katie. You tremble as with cold, but your skin is warm to the touch. Tell me, what other hurts have you taken besides that one?"  
  
Katie dared not respond. Surely their pause would be too long if she revealed her shoulder, besides, the wound had already been tended. The mocking voice in her mind reminded her of just who had been in control of Aragorn when that had happened.  
  
But Boromir came forward. "Her . . . shoulder." He looked as if he was thinking very hard, trying to recall something just beyond the reach of his memory. "Yes, I remember it, for both of us saw her safely away from the battle."  
  
Aragorn's eyes became unfocused as he cast about in the depths of his mind for the incident of which Boromir spoke. Then unerringly he pushed the man of Gondor's cloak off of Katie's shoulders.  
  
She flinched and pulled back, her hand flying instinctively to cover the injury. "It is nothing," Katie insisted, knowing she had told a lie and that the Ranger before her knew as much. When he did not immediately say anything, she pulled the covering back over it and rose quickly to her feet. "Come, we lose time."  
  
Forcibly, Aragorn laid one hand on her good shoulder and pressed her back down. "You will not move," he growled, "until I have examined that wound."  
  
Katie was not about to be cowed into silence by Strider. "Aragorn, we do not have time to waste on this. You said yourself that orcs will pursue us come nightfall. The sun is setting now, we must put all the distance between them and us that we can. I shall be fine." She emphasized each word of her final sentence, all the while praying that she would not faint on the road and earn herself the privilege of Aragorn's wrath *and* of Boromir carrying her to Lothlórien.  
  
Aragorn eyed her and nodded curtly before rounding up the resting Fellowship and urging them on. He favored Katie with a surly glance that said she had not heard the end of the matter, but she was far too worried about other things to care.  
  
Will that work? Are we back on schedule?  
  
Her voice was silent for a moment, then said, I think so. Dusk falls on us, and mist rises from the ground. I think we're all right. A quarter of a league isn't going to throw Haldir off.  
  
For three more hours the nine toiled on, with only one quick stop to pass around a waterskin and some bread. Night had long since come, but there was no moon. Stars sparkled in the heavens, but Katie found no comfort in their presence. They only served to remind her that she was still alone. Alone under a vast sky that made her feel empty. Wearily she trudged on at the heels of Merry and Pippin, not taking note of the conversation Gimli and Frodo were carrying on behind her.  
  
A chill wind knifed through the air, but it was found most welcome as Legolas let out a joyous cry, "Lothlórien! Lothlórien! We have come to the eaves of the Golden Wood. Alas that it is winter!"  
  
Winter or not, *wow*. Her voice could only murmur agreement as they took in the welcome sight of the tall trees, appearing gray in the dim light. Their leaves reflected a hint of gold, and Katie found that she needed to tell herself to breathe. And this is only at nighttime . . . think of it in daylight!  
  
I can't. It will be too beautiful for me to even possibly try to imagine.  
  
"Lothlórien!" said Aragorn. "Glad I am to hear again the wind in the trees! We are still little more than five leagues from the Gates, but we can go no further. Here let us hope that the virtue of the Elves will keep us tonight from the peril that comes behind."  
  
"If Elves indeed still dwell here in the darkening world," Gimli muttered, resting one hand on the head of his axe.  
  
Legolas made some kind of reply, but Katie ignored him as her attention was turned to Boromir, who had an expression of mistrust and stubbornness on his face. She could tell that he did not like the look of the wood, and his unease was readily apparent when all moved off through the trees and he resolutely did not move. He and Aragorn had a bit of a heated conversation, but Katie decided that if it came to blows that she did not want to be present.  
  
They would never fistfight. Both have far too much honor to do that, especially in front of the hobbits.  
  
I don't know . . . it seems to me that if they did so, Merry and Pippin would start taking odds and bets. An inappropriate giggle welled up at the mental picture.  
  
At last Boromir was convinced, but not without one final mutter of, "It is perilous."  
  
"It's a good thing he's wrong, because I intend to get a *good* night's sleep . . ." Katie froze at the looks Aragorn and Pippin were directing at her. Then she clapped a hand over her mouth.  
  
Hey Sherlock, I'm in here, her voice called. Way to freak out the Fellowship.  
  
Katie managed a slightly apologetic expression. "Forgive me. I was not speaking to any of you, merely to myself."  
  
"You certainly use strange phrases when you talk to yourself," Pippin piped up. "But at least you do not carry on in another language like Legolas does."  
  
Suddenly the elf appeared beside him, almost like a wraith from amid the mists. "I do not speak to myself, Pippin. I speak to the trees and the nature around us."  
  
Merry chose to interrupt at that point. "Ah, but how are we to know that?" He grinned impishly as he navigated a shrub. "You're merely trying to hide the fact that you talk to yourself because you know that we do not know enough elvish to challenge you."  
  
Legolas blinked and appeared to digest the hobbit's rather lengthy sentence before giving a short laugh. "It appears that whatever I say will remain a mystery, unless you ask that information of Aragorn."  
  
"It bears no repeating," the Ranger called out from ahead as Katie laughed.  
  
"Ah hah!" Pippin seized upon Aragorn's teasing tone immediately. "Likely because you talk to yourself about the pretty elf maidens in Lothlórien." He slyly cocked an eyebrow at Merry.  
  
Legolas' mouth opened, but he shut it again just as quickly. Before he could think of a witty response, Merry mercilessly butted in, "Pip, we must have hit upon the truth, for look how he cannot think of anything to say. I wager he'll turn red in a moment!"  
  
Aragorn tossed a chuckle over his shoulder as he led them deeper into the trees. "Elves do not turn red, Master Merry," he said.  
  
"But Legolas is managing to do it quite handsomely," the hobbit responded, eyes bright with merriment.  
  
"Oh stop, or all this laughter will cause me to stumble again," Katie begged, wiping tears from her eyes. Silently she thanked the hobbits for their welcome distraction. She could not believe that she had done that, speaking aloud to her voice.  
  
Well, they did know you were strange, you're just reinforcing their belief.  
  
Katie double checked to make sure that she had her mouth closed before fully forming her thought. If I do something like that again, not only will I be mortally embarrassed, but they'll take me for a lunatic.  
  
You forgot about messing up the canon. I'd say that's rather important, wouldn't you?  
  
Katie didn't deign to respond. Ahead, the sound of a stream called to the travelers, but they could hardly see it in the shadows. I know what this is . . . she grinned to herself and shot a glance at Legolas.  
  
"Here is Nimrodel!" he said, confirming her suspicions. Legolas' eyes were alight and a smile crossed his features as he drew nearer.  
  
Do you think he'll sing? her ever-present voice interrupted the rest of the elf's exclamation.  
  
If he does, I'll wish I'd brought a video camera.  
  
"Follow me!" Legolas beckoned to the rest of the Fellowship plus one. "The water is not deep. Let us wade across! On the further bank we can rest, and the sound of the falling water may bring us sleep and forgetfulness of grief."  
  
Slowly they did as he bid them, struggling to keep their footing on the steep banks as they went single file. In front of Katie, Frodo paused to let the water run over his bare feet. It soaked the rags on her own feet through, but it felt like a welcome release as she waded in up to her calves. She had to force herself to keep moving, for it seemed to restore her failing strength. Of course, she was assisted when Gimli prodded her with the haft of his axe.  
  
The company sat and rested then, and Legolas regaled all of them with tales of the wood, speaking with such vibrant words that Katie imagined she could see all that he described in her mind's eye. The hours crept by, and eventually the small gathering grew quiet, content to listen to the sweet sound of the river so nearby.  
  
"Do you hear the voice of Nimrodel?" asked Legolas quietly. "I will sing you a song of the maiden Nimrodel-"  
  
*Yes*! her voice exclaimed.  
  
Quiet, will ya? I want to hear this and not your commentary.  
  
Oh, I forgot you're one of *his* fangirls.  
  
I have nothing to say to you, now hush up!  
  
Legolas' soft voice rose to join the faint rustlings of the golden leaves above them. Katie pulled her knees to her chest, drawing her borrowed cloak all the way around her, eyes intent, ears straining to catch every note. She saw even Gimli still as the elf sang of the fair Nimrodel. She could almost see the she-elf standing at the banks of the river, long tresses flowing around her in an unheard wind, face shining as a star.  
  
When the Mirkwood elf's voice faltered, her imagined maiden faded as quickly as she had appeared. "That is but a part," Legolas explained, sadness evident in his tone, "for I have forgotten much. It is long and sad, for it tells how sorrow came upon Lothlórien, Lórien of the Blossom, when the Dwarves awakened evil in the mountains."  
  
Gimli bristled, and the hobbits tensed, as if expecting an altercation. "But the Dwarves did not make the evil," he said in response, drawing himself up straighter.  
  
"I said not so; yet evil came," said Legolas sadly. Katie could see that he was not blaming the Dwarves, merely stating a fact. He went on to relate how the elves had begun to leave, of Nimrodel's own departure. He told of the Galadhrim and their homes within the trees.  
  
"And even in these latter days dwelling in the trees might be thought safer than sitting on the ground," Gimli interrupted Katie's thoughts. She and a few others had to consciously shut their mouths after the Dwarf's startling statement. Gimli in a tree? The Dwarf shifted a little under their amazed gazes, but did not detract his statement. Instead he directed their attention pointedly down the path they had just trod.  
  
"Your words bring good counsel, Gimli," Aragorn at last agreed. "We cannot build a house, but tonight we will do as the Galadhrim and seek refuge in the tree-tops, if we can. We have sat here beside the road already longer than was wise."  
  
I am going to be one sore puppy if I'm forced to sleep on a tree limb. Do I look like a monkey to you? Katie demanded to herself. I'm afraid of heights as it is!  
  
Well I wasn't going to say anything about you looking like a monkey, but since you brought it up--  
  
Shut. Up. Katie was getting a headache, and she wanted no more than to go to bed. In a bed. Wishful thinking, she knew.  
  
The group moved off the path, still quite close to Nimrodel and her falls. Large gray trees loomed out of the darkness, so big around that Katie wondered if they were massive stumps with leaves on top.  
  
"I will climb up," Legolas volunteered. "I am at home among trees, by root or bough, though these trees are of a kind strange to me, save as a name in song. *Mellyrn* they are called, and are those that bear the yellow blossom, but I have never climbed in one. I will see now what is their shape and way of growth."  
  
Ah, no you won't, her voice contradicted smugly.  
  
". . . they will be marvelous trees indeed if they can offer any rest at night, except to birds, for I cannot sleep on a perch!" Pippin exclaimed, echoing the other hobbits' and Katie's thoughts exactly.  
  
"Then dig a hole in the ground," Legolas replied with a wicked grin, "if that is more after the fashion of your kind. But you must dig swift and deep, if you wish to hide from Orcs."  
  
Pippin and Merry exchanged worried glances with Sam and Frodo. They began muttering amongst themselves, trying to decide if they had enough strength between them to dig such a shelter. Katie smothered a fit of giggles, which would have been most inappropriate.  
  
Oh, here it comes! Legolas is gonna get in trouble . . .  
  
I thought I told you to shut up.  
  
There was a heartbeat of silence. How was that?  
  
I mean it, you're giving me a migraine! Quiet.  
  
"*Daro!*" Katie looked up just in time to see Legolas fall from the branch he had been hanging on. A cautionary expression spread across his face as he pressed himself against the trunk of the tree.  
  
"Stand still!" he hissed at them. "Do not move or speak!"  
  
I don't think I could if I tried, Katie muttered to herself, throat constricted in fear. Her companion remained silent, giving no clues as to what this new threat was. Then the sound of soft laughter reached her ears, and she found she could breathe again. A beautiful voice asked a question that she could not understand, and Legolas replied in kind.  
  
If speaking was ever an art form . . . Katie strained to catch every softly enunciated consonant. It wasn't quite a language, she realized, neither was it quite a song, but somewhere in between. It tickled her ears and calmed her thoughts just as she listened, though she could not understand.  
  
The hobbits shifted uneasily. "Who are they, and what do they say?" asked Merry, eyes wide and curls wild.  
  
"They're Elves," Sam told him. "Can't you hear their voices?" The stout hobbit's face was alight with wonder and he tilted his gaze upward, trying to catch a glimpse of the concealed beings. Katie vowed that she would always remember him like that.  
  
Nearby, Boromir and Aragorn exchanged glances, and Gimli kept his hands away from his axe.  
  
"Yes, they are Elves," Legolas confirmed, "and they say that you breathe so loud that they could shoot you in the dark."  
  
Katie again choked down a laugh as she remembered the look on Gimli's face from the movie. Her muffled snort seemed to echo in the small clearing.  
  
"But they say also that you need have no fear. They have been aware of us for a long while. They heard my voice across the Nimrodel, and knew that I was one of their Northern kindred, and therefore they did not hinder our crossing; and afterwards they heard my song. Now they bid me climb up with Frodo; for they seem to have had some tidings of him and of our journey. The others they ask to wait a little, and to keep watch at the foot of the tree, until they have decided what is to be done." Legolas beckoned to the hobbit, and Sam followed his master.  
  
A silver ladder slithered down the tree trunk, and with the agility of a squirrel Legolas scaled it. Slowly Frodo and Sam followed, until they were lost to those below by the shadows of the massive boughs. A few moments of tense silence of passed. Gimli sniffed and rubbed his nose. Boromir checked his sword. Aragorn pulled his pipe from a concealed pocket and succeeded in lighting it. He seemed to be the only one of them at complete ease.  
  
Merry and Pippin inevitably began to whisper with each other. At last Gimli spoke up, "Are you certain we are in no danger?" His gaze was fixed on the shadows around them.  
  
"I am certain. As long as we are under these eaves, we are protected," Aragorn assured him, slowly puffing away in a manner so reminiscent of Gandalf that Katie could not help but blink sudden tears rapidly away. It wasn't fair that she could not offer them the tiniest thread of hope for him. What consequences would there be for her actions?  
  
There was a quiet outburst from above that caused all below to glance up in concern. "I hope you are right," Boromir muttered, shifting uncomfortably.  
  
"Elves certainly do talk for a long time," Pippin observed.  
  
"That, young Peregrin, is because they take no unnecessary risks. Legolas is likely reporting who all his companions are-" Aragorn suddenly paused as the elf he spoke of descended the ladder as quickly as he had ascended it.  
  
"What say they, Legolas?" the Ranger asked, tapping his pipe out against the palm of his hand before putting it away.  
  
"I have told them of our group, and they say that we must not remain on the ground this night, for orcs have been roving close to their borders, along with wolves. We will continue our path tomorrow, at Haldir's suggestion," he looked to Aragorn, who nodded his acceptance before continuing, "and he bids send Merry and Pippin up to sleep on the *flet* above us with Frodo and Sam. There is another not far away for the remainder of us."  
  
"Good," Aragorn said briskly. "Up you go then, young sirs. Leave what you will with us and we will conceal it in a drift of leaves until needed tomorrow."  
  
The two hobbits quickly shed their packs and scavenged for their blankets, along with those of Frodo and Sam's before scaling the ladder. Once the rest of the Fellowship was sure that they would not tumble down again, they set about stacking their provisions and baggage, then dumping golden leaves over the top of it all. When they were done, it was near impossible to tell that it had not been there to begin with.  
  
"Lead the way, Legolas," Strider then called. As the five of them made their way to the base of another nearby tree, Katie suddenly felt very alone and exposed. With the hobbits gone, it seemed that she was the youngest there, though she most likely had been to begin with. Though it was easy to forget with the antics of Merry and Pippin constantly making them seem younger than they actually were. Still, four seasoned warriors and one girl from a future that looked very unsure? Very odd.  
  
She could not see why any girl from her time would even want to come to Middle-earth. Traipsing about with nine men in and out of danger was not something Katie enjoyed doing. She constantly felt as if she was in the way, or helpless. She could not defend herself in battle, she knew nothing of real value as far as tracking or camping was concerned.  
  
I'm a dependent, Katie realized miserably. A leech. Why can't I be more helpful?  
  
Nobody answered her. The shrill buzz that constantly seemed to be in the back of her mind, and that she had long ago learned to ignore seemed to grow louder. Meriweather was laughing at her.  
  
Katie angrily tossed her head to prevent herself from tuning into the Sue. Pulling her thoughts back to the present, she found Aragorn waiting for her to climb the silver ladder to their own platform. She steeled herself as she grabbed the dangling rungs and began to climb. Her shoulder protested mightily at the movement she was forcing it to do, but Katie kept on. The cloak on her back seemed to drag her down, but she wouldn't give up, not without a decent try.  
  
A countermotion to her own alerted her to the fact that Aragorn had begun to climb as well. Now there was definitely no failing. Katie made her hands keep reaching for the next rung and pulling. The tree seemed to be a thousand feet high and her arms began to shake from the strain as she kept going.  
  
Her head nearly bumped into the underside of the *flet* before she realized that she had reached the top. A strong hand reached down to her and she had a brief notion of refusing it, before her shoulder cramped up and she had no choice. Katie found herself face to face with Gimli. Too tired to be surprised, she nodded her thanks before crawling clear of the hole as Aragorn appeared right behind her.  
  
Katie lay still on the wooden platform, so grateful to be back on something solid that she had no wish to move. After a few minutes her heartbeat slowed and she pushed herself into a sitting position. It appeared that Gimli and Boromir were already settling in for the night, intent on getting as much rest as possible. Legolas stood on the edge of the platform, looking out over the darkened forest. Aragorn was casually rolling out some furs the elves had left for them.  
  
Hesitantly the girl took a blanket for herself, then slowly unclasped Boromir's cloak from around her. The breeze that blew was not too cold, but she shivered nonetheless as it cooled her sweat. Katie found that she really, really wanted a bath. Meriweather's magical powers of cleanliness (i.e. she never ever got dirty or scratched) did nothing for Katie on her own, and she felt filthy. Maybe I'll get lucky and fall into a river, she thought sourly. Unbidden, her teeth began to chatter and she curled up under her cloak, trying to drive all thoughts of misery away with the promise of sleep.  
  
Had she been looking in the right direction, she would have seen Aragorn quickly snatch a small waterskin away from Boromir with a warning glance. He whispered something to the man of Gondor, who nodded in sudden understanding. The Ranger rose to his feet and approached the huddled form that was Katie.  
  
She looked up with bleary eyes as he offered the cool liquid to her. She was far too tired to question his actions, but she drank anyway. The water had a faint aftertaste, and Katie shuddered as she swallowed. "What was in that?"  
  
Aragorn hesitated before answering, "A sleeping herb."  
  
"What? Aragorn son of Arathorn, how *dare* you!" Katie suddenly found it very aggravating that the Ranger didn't have a middle name. Her head started to feel fuzzy and her eyes grew heavy. She was still trying to formulate a creative insult that the Dunadan would actually understand when awareness left her.  
  
Aragorn smirked slightly to himself. His ploy had succeeded, and he chuckled softly to himself as he fetched his medicine satchel. That would certainly educate her in the ways of talking back to Strider, or any Ranger for that matter. Sobering, he set to work.  
  
[Tolkien, J.R.R. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. New York: Ballantine Books, 1954. Pages 375-386.] 


	17. Strange Meetings

Disclaimer: See Chapters 1-15. I'm sure you'll eventually catch on to the idea.  
  
My many, many, many, *loved*, *treasured*, and *supportive* reviewers:  
  
THANKS!  
  
Cynda-Chan: I think Legolas looking less than perfect would make anybody's day! Acorn XD? Maybe we should take a poll for the most popular middle name for Aragorn!  
  
CoolGirlChic: Well, she *is* the Lady of the Wood, and I'm sure she came by her title as witch somehow. Read on!  
  
Katie Tann: Howdy again! Nice dance. I agree. Let's start a Save Haldir foundation or something. As for the dream realm, she won't feel a thing. Oh no. And blunt objects are *always* fun. And I remain yours faithfully in craziness!  
  
Pixiegal: That is my deepest hope, that Tolkien will not take me to task, should I ever meet him in Heaven. Your praise means quite a lot to me, for it reflects the fact that what I'm trying to get across is actually understood by my audience. Thank you!  
  
Mizalaye: Ticking Aragorn off is a specialty. I love doing it. The Voice is always a wonderful thing to do, especially to alleviate tense situations.and when I run out of ideas. I hope I've explained what was happening with the wounds accurately in this chapter. Merry and Pippin are wonderful characters to work with in my opinion, and I hope to delve a little more into them later. As always, I've missed hearing from you, and it's good to be back into it!  
  
Goddess Isis: Long chapters.I don't know if it's going to be a continuing thing. But as long as we're in the book, expect long ones, cause it takes *forever* to go through those pages! They're crammed with stuff! And here's more!  
  
J. L. Leisel: I have written, though it was hardly quickly. Enjoy!  
  
Fae: Samwise! Hey girlie! Yes, I forgot that you had left me a review, and I am *so so so* happy to reply to you! You know I love it when you squeal (but not when you glomp). (Repeatedly, that is.) It's been a long time, ne? Because we are back in school, and almost done with our second month. Lylas, Sam. Ride swiftly. (Avoid gopher holes!)  
  
Contia Mirian: Thanks for your sincere vote of confidence, and I do primarily use this space for answering questions, unless it involves a long, complicated explanation, in which case I try to email the person. But I also like to specifically thank those who have given me constructive comments and suggestions that I find helpful. And I thank you for your faith in my writing abilities.  
  
Saiyan-Girl-Cheetah: Growing up is for adults! And you were right about the bridge thing, but I've got my own take on that. Poor Legolas! Thank you, thank you so many many times for your email. I was so encouraged and uplifted by it. And now, please make sure you read the dedication. (  
  
Elentari: LOL, thanks. I keep working, and getting threatened, and then whipped, and.this is the result.  
  
Rabia: Yay! I'm making a note to go check out that site. I hope the filter allows it. I've missed hearing from you, and your parody was great! And thanks for the vote of confidence for keeping Aragorn in character. That means a lot!  
  
Azaelia Sapphire: Aragorn's a sneaky little devil, isn't he? I think it sort of seemed like a Ranger-ish thing to do at the time. I'm pleased it went over so well!  
  
Elf of Sirannon: LOL, precisely the mentality that Katie is forced to deal with. How aggravating! Well, it's still book-time this chapter, but in the future, who's to say? Isn't it sad the way that Mary Sues just don't *get it*? Anyway, I hope this chapter relieves some of that M.S. caused stress!  
  
Star Queen: I will definitely be sure to stop by your diary soon, if the filter allows it. Sam and April deserve a lot of the credit for this chapter, along with another friend of mine, who is suddenly very interested in my writing time (and he makes sure I get enough of it too.) I'm so happy that I can say hi to you again! So, HI!  
  
Laura: In my critical opinion, I don't think that there can be *enough* said about the beauty of the Golden Wood. But then, I knew if I went off on a really long tangent, I'd lose somebody. I tend to be very odd in my manner of description sometimes!  
  
Europa: LOL, believe it or not, I did consider that, then I thought about it logically. When sleeping (even when drugged) you're not truly unconscious. Aragorn could've brought her around if he'd *really* wanted to, I'm sure. However, the poor guy knew what was good for him and didn't. She'd have been mildly upset, to say the least. Anyway, read on!  
  
ElvenPickle: Another month, another update, or something like that . . .  
  
Dee Sarrachi: I apologize, but from the Mary Sue perspective (as horrid as it is to admit that I can use it) Pippin is quite possibly the hobbit on which a M.S. would take the most pity. I concede that Frodo is another choice, but Pippin is younger and therefore likely *lighter* than he is. And I have nothing against well-written Mary Sues. I have enjoyed quite a few. But the galling number of bad ones demands some sort of response, and I am only too happy to give it! Thanks for your review!  
  
Dazzle: Signed, stamped with April and Sam's approval and updated! Enjoy!  
  
Lady Moon: My friend came up with something like, Aragorn Hosea Gonzalez or something. Then he decided to go Japanese and it wasn't even translatable after that. Hee hee.  
  
Earendil: As always, thanks for your enthusiasm! I don't recall if I've ever thanked you for that before, but your reviews always make me smile! And I think I need to go deflate my head again.  
  
Sabriel Elysium: Well, it's been almost a month and a week, but I *am* still writing, and it's no small feat, let me just say. I need to take more long weekends or something. Maybe I'll start Chapter 18 while I'm still in this vein of creativity. High praise indeed, for one who can't even finish her first novel. Well, if I ever do get something published, you'll be one of the first to know!  
  
Miao-miao: Cough drop? He he. The next installment, as you have commanded.  
  
KT Shy: You poor child. Bet that makes it a bit more personalized! I'm glad you liked it, and I hope you enjoy this chapter too.  
  
Morruniel: Arguments with self are fun, yess preciousss . . . I do like writing them. Especially when Katie doesn't need another voice adding to the confusion! Darn skippy!  
  
Narcissus: I'd take a bow, but my over-inflated head can't handle it. I'd fall and not be able to get up. Katie does have a thing for Legolas, a rather *big* thing, but she (and I) try to keep it under control as much as possible. No small task, let me tell you!  
  
Shaggy: Thanks for the line, I appreciate it! And here's the more you're looking forward to!  
  
Princess Joy: Yes, Your Highness! (  
  
Philippa: Have I mentioned that I practically fell out of my chair laughing? I almost fell out of my chair laughing when I received your review. I understand you, perfectly. And I have updated. Though I'd pay to see you picket my university. That way I could thank you in person for your wonderful encouragement! And I'll take those Legolas pictures, really I will!  
  
MentalMidget008: Amin mela lle, Belgarion. Without a doubt I think your comment was the one that surprised me the most of all, you sneak. I am sorry your other reviews didn't get posted, as I would very, very much like to have read them. But thanks just the same, and here's the rest of the chapter (what three paragraphs you didn't read of it, my sneak previewer). ~ Velvet  
  
This chapter is dedicated to Saiyan-Girl-Cheetah. Thank you for your wonderful email that encourages me every time that I read it. It was such a blessing to me, and thank you for having faith.  
  
Author's Note: The events in this chapter deviate quite a lot from Tolkien's book. However, seeing as how Meriweather's author pretty much started this whole fiasco, I reserve the right to believe that the characters in Middle-Earth would react this way accordingly. (And because some reviewers have started some interesting ideas!)  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Seventeen  
  
Aragorn smoked his pipe calmly in the early morning sunlight. His long legs hung free over the edge of the *flet* and his demeanor reflected an attitude of relaxation. That observation could not be further from the truth. His every sense was on alert, for he had sensed the disturbance in the forest. Haldir's brother, Rúmil had informed him just before dawn of the Orc approach, and he had not slept since. Beneath the boughs of Lórien he knew he and the company were safe, yet his Ranger instincts could not be suppressed.  
  
The air was cold and golden around him, and mist arose from the forms of the still-slumbering beings that shared the platform with him. Legolas was not counted among them, for he had arisen even before Aragorn and was ostensibly off somewhere with his Elven brethren.  
  
Boromir stirred suddenly, rubbing his eyes in the morning light that filtered through the leaves above them like spun shafts of gold. He shivered slightly in the frigid air as he donned his boots and overtunic. The man of Gondor cast a glance around at Gimli and Katie, his brow wrinkling at the latter. "How fare you?" he greeted Aragorn softly, surveying the forest from a position a safe distance from the edge of the *flet*.  
  
Aragorn was not one for small talk, but he felt that he could oblige Boromir. "Well, and yourself?"  
  
"I . . . did not sleep as soundly as I had hoped. My dreams ever plague me, and I fear that-" Boromir abruptly ceased, wary of Aragorn.  
  
The Ranger read something further from the other man's eyes, but he did not press. "Orcs passed this way last night, but the habitants of Lórien will see them done away with. Perhaps they unsettled you."  
  
Boromir glanced down, then away. "Perhaps," he agreed, but there was unease in his tone. Then, as if seeking some way to alter the conversation, he asked, "What of the child?" And he nodded in Katie's direction.  
  
It somehow struck Aragorn as amusing to hear her referred to by that name, but lest he should forget, it was true. Katie seemed to him prideful, entirely too stubborn, mistrustful, and quiet, yet hardly a child, though she likely had not reached her twentieth year. Something about her spoke of age brought on by too much care and seriousness in one so young. What burden did she carry that would lead her not to trust them? True, she rarely spoke but once in awhile, and never directly to him, unless she sought some way in escaping him. Katie was conspicuously absent from the camaraderie of the Fellowship, only joining in if the remarks were made to her and she could not ignore them.  
  
The Ranger shook his head in mystification as he came up with a response to Boromir's question. "The wound to her shoulder was inflicted with a tainted arrow. Had you not remembered it, I doubt I would ever have been able to treat it. It would have killed her, given enough time and inattention, for it was one of the fouler of Orc potions. But it will cause no more trouble, and we shall not be slowed in our course because of her any longer."  
  
Boromir regarded him with an odd look. "Yet I remember you did see to her shoulder once, while we were still trapped within the foul depths of Moria. I accompanied you in aiding her . . ." He shivered. "But I was not myself and neither were you."  
  
"My memory comes and fades. Vaguely do I recall what you mention, but my treatment of that wound before was horrendous. The evil must have something to do with it, for never would I allow myself to do such a shoddy job." Aragorn shook his head. It was likely for the better that he could not remember all that had happened. Katie apparently knew enough for both of them, judging by her avoidance of him.  
  
Gimli was awake by then, neatening his wild hair and beard, grumbling to himself all the while. He let out a loud shout when Legolas dropped from a branch above him, so close that the Dwarf's beard stirred at his passing.  
  
"The hobbit-folk are awake and demanding food as usual." The archer's eyes twinkled with amusement. "Haldir and his kin bid that we gather our belongings and eat quickly so that we may resume our path."  
  
Aragorn emptied his pipe and nodded as he rose to his feet. He let down the woven ladder the five of them had ascended the eve before as Boromir and Gimli checked their weapons. "Gimli, wake Katie," he said. Better the Dwarf than I, Aragorn mused. He knew any disturbance of the girl on his part, especially after what he had done with the water skin yestereve, would not go over well.  
  
Gimli's surprise upon the man's order was momentary. He nodded and strode to the shape that was Katie, poking her with the thick shaft of his double- edged axe. "Rise, you slothful girl!" he commanded as she began to stir.  
  
"Mind her wounds, Master Dwarf," the Ranger said, wincing to think that his work would be undone, especially after his ingenious ploy.  
  
An incoherent phrase arose from Katie, but Gimli was relentless in his assault. Finally she bolted straight up, and her hand shot out to catch a handful of Gimli's beard. A snarl was poised on her lips, and her expression gave the Dwarf pause. Then her eyes widened and she hastily relinquished Gimli's hair.  
  
"I'm sorry," she stammered. "I thought you were someone else." She looked around her, face uncertain and wary, as if she was not sure her surroundings were real. Her gaze fell on Aragorn, and her hand drifted to her shoulder. She did not smile her thanks, but instead inclined her head to him. Aragorn returned the gesture, not entirely sure if Katie could be trusted not to retaliate in some way. He would most certainly be plotting against himself if he were her. The Ranger shook off his trepidation and looked to the others.  
  
The Dwarf had brushed the incident with his beard off and had descended the ladder after Boromir. Aragorn remained on the *flet*, checking to be sure he had left nothing behind. He saw Katie reclasp Boromir's cloak about her shoulders before folding her blanket and putting it back where she had found it. She clawed her fingers through her brown hair before descending the ladder. Aragorn exchanged a glance with Legolas before following.  
  
The hobbits were awaiting them, the packs heaped at their feet. Sam had breakfast started, and a small contingent of elves was watching them carefully. The Fellowship ate gladly before Haldir and his brother Rúmil gestured that they should be on their way. Aragorn set himself at the head of the group, so that he might converse with Haldir. Legolas joined him, after he had bade farewell to Nimrodel. The man had to admit to himself that he would miss the fair whisperings of the river, the beautiful music of its current that seemed to soothe his every fear and frustration.  
  
They followed the Silverlode, and his Ranger senses noted the trampled underbrush and the undergrowth desecrated without care. The Orc tracks that became visible shortly afterward did not surprise him, and Aragorn, who had always appreciated the beauty of the land as one who roamed it, was angered by the carelessness of the foul creatures. Not even the Golden Wood was safe from the taint of evil. Was there no place that goodness was preserved? Could the darkness ever be cleansed from the face of Middle- earth? Could he be doing something different right now to further counter Sauron's forces?  
  
The questions of my heritage are hard to answer, and I am the only one who can do so, Aragorn thought dryly. Why did these doubts yet plague him? He had chosen his path, now he must follow it.  
  
Haldir interrupted his thoughts. He had led them deeper into the forest, away from the print of Orc feet. Aragorn could see an Elf on the opposite bank of the river, and at a whistle from Haldir, the Elf stepped out and received the coil of rope the captain of Lothlórien cast at him. Aragorn took the moment of distraction to check upon the pace of the others. Gimli remained close to the hobbits, casting distrustful glances at the elves that walked on either side of them. Katie came behind, then Boromir. Four elves ended the company and Aragorn entertained a brief thought that perhaps the elves were going to carry the hobbits and Dwarf over the river. Legolas was aware of the same thought, and voiced his concern.  
  
"We have two more ropes. We will fasten them above the other, one shoulder- high, and another half-high, and holding these the strangers should be able to cross with care." Haldir demonstrated his words as two more ropes were secured to the opposite bank. He and Legolas were the first across, followed by the hobbits. Pippin, surprising Aragorn, was the quickest of all, his attention never wavering from the opposite shore. Frodo and Merry went cautiously, testing nearly every step to be sure that they would not plunge into the cold water. Sam's hands were white-knuckled as he made slow progress across, eyes wide.  
  
Gimli, after much grumbling and muttering Aragorn was sure every Elf there overheard, slid his axe back into its loop. He shot wary glances at all the elves around him before gingerly grasping the middle rope with his gloved hands. Step by step he crossed, his iron eyes betraying neither fear nor apprehension. He clapped Sam on the shoulder as he set boot on solid ground once more. "Aye, that was an experience to remember, young hobbit!" he bellowed.  
  
Aragorn raised his eyebrows in silent admiration. He never thought he'd see the day a Dwarf would cross an elven bridge. Haldir's companion bounded across after, and then the Ranger stepped aside for Katie. Her green eyes swept up to his face, hard with distrust, but she resolutely grabbed the ropes anyway. He noted the shaking of her hands, and the paleness of her face. He guessed that the girl was not one for heights. Knowing her luck, she shall be the one to fall in, Aragorn thought to himself. He admitted that he had no great faith in Katie, for she could not fight, nor scout, nor do anything that he deemed as useful. Yet Gandalf had declared her important, and the nagging, small voice that he did his best to ignore was a constant reminder that nearly everything important, even the quest, did rest upon her.  
  
His thoughts were interrupted by a short shriek and a splash. The Ranger sighed and rubbed his eyes, afraid to look. There was no great commotion, so he assumed that she had landed near the bank and had gained it quickly. Thus he was not prepared to see the girl dangling from the bottom rope, waist and below submerged beneath the surface of the river. Aragorn mentally added ungraceful and clumsy to his list of details about Katie. Surely if a Dwarf could cross the bridge . . .!  
  
At last, Haldir's companion ventured back onto the rope and assisted the girl ashore. Aragorn watched with wry amusement as he performed his own walk across the bridge as she attempted to wring the water out of her leggings and the bottom half of the cloak, all to no avail. The rest of the group crossed with no incident, much to Aragorn's relief, and they waved farewell to Rúmil, who remained behind to guard Nimrodel.  
  
"Now, friends," said Haldir, "you have entered the Naith of Lórien, or the Gore, as you would say, for it is the land that lies like a spearhead between the arms of Silverlode and Anduin the Great. We allow no strangers to spy out the secrets of the Naith. Few indeed are permitted even to set foot there."  
  
Aragorn nodded to Haldir, then cast another glance back at the Fellowship and Katie. A strange smile was lurking on the girl's face, and as Haldir spoke again, it broadened and she became hard-pressed to conceal a fit of laughter.  
  
"As was agreed, I shall here blindfold the eyes of Gimli the Dwarf. The others may walk free for a while, until we come nearer to our dwellings, down in Egladil, in the Angle between the waters."  
  
That was the first Aragorn had heard of blindfolding the Dwarf, though he could not say he was half-surprised. However, he did scowl at an innocent- looking Legolas, who avoided the Ranger's smoldering gaze with an infuriating air of elven superiority.  
  
"The agreement was made without my consent," Gimli was protesting. "I will not walk blindfold, like a beggar or a prisoner. And I am no spy. My folk have never had dealings with any of the servants of the Enemy. Neither have we done harm to the Elves. I am no more likely to betray you than Legolas, or any other of my companions." The Dwarf's face was red and Aragorn could see his hand inching closer to his favorite axe.  
  
"I do not doubt you," said Haldir, fingers straying toward his bow ever so slightly. "Yet this is our law. I am not the master of the law, and cannot set it aside. I have done much in letting you set foot over the Celebrant."  
  
The hobbits were looking at each other in concern, and Frodo had fixed his gaze on Gimli, almost, Aragorn supposed, as if he were trying to tell the Dwarf not to resist them. Gimli, however, would have none of that. He assumed his 'final-say-on-the-matter' stance.  
  
"I will go forward free," he stated firmly, "or I will go back and seek my own land, where I am known to be true of word, though I perish alone in the wilderness." His beard bristled fiercely to match his tone.  
  
The impatience in Haldir's own voice suggested that the normally placid Elf was at the end of his tolerance. "You cannot go back," he said sternly. "Now you have come thus far, you must be brought before the Lord and the Lady. They shall judge you, to hold you or give you leave, as they will. You cannot cross the rivers again, and behind you there are now secret sentinels that you cannot pass. You would be slain before you saw them."  
  
Aragorn was in motion the moment that Gimli's axe came free from its harness. He grabbed the shaft, staying the Dwarf's hot-tempered blow. Haldir and his lone companion had their bows out and notched.  
  
"A plague on Dwarves and their stiff necks!" said Legolas, absolutely not helping things any. Aragorn recognized the need for executive action when he saw it, and took charge.  
  
"Come!" he cried, still wrestling with an enraged Dwarf. "If I am to lead this Company, you must do as I bid. It is hard upon the Dwarf to be thus singled out. We will all be blindfold, even Legolas. That will be best, though it will make the journey slow and dull." Yet it will be what that Silvan Elf deserves, for not telling me of this agreement in the first place, he thought to himself with a small self-satisfied smirk.  
  
Gimli eased his grip on his weapon and replaced it on his belt. He laughed aloud then and said, "A merry troop of fools we shall look! Will Haldir lead us all on a string, like many blind beggars with one dog? But I will be content, if only Legolas here shares my blindness." And Aragorn caught the impudent glance the Dwarf shot the Elf.  
  
"I am an Elf and a kinsmen here!" Legolas said hotly.  
  
Smothering his smile as much as he could, Aragorn repeated the Elf's earlier words, "Now let us cry: 'a plague on the stiff necks of Elves!'" He was favored with an elven glower. "But the Company shall all fare alike. Come, bind our eyes, Haldir!"  
  
Various complaints arose as Aragorn's command was carried out. Haldir promised to lead them on a straight and smooth path so that they would not trip. The loss of sight did not affect the Ranger as it did the hobbits, for on a few of his more unsavory exploits Strider had been tied and blindfolded. This was no new experience.  
  
Boromir grumbled something behind him as Haldir told of the perils Lothlórien faced, and Merry joined his conversation. Katie, as usual, bore whatever happened to her in tolerant silence. Aragorn turned his thoughts aside from his usual worries, however, once the Company began their journey into the Naith. He heard keenly every rustle of leaves, and, as he had when he was a child, imagined that it was the sunbeams playing the leaves like one enormous harp.  
  
The sun rose to its peak and fell again on its path westward. A slight chill entered the air, and Aragorn knew that they must stop soon, if for no other reason then that the hobbits had not had a meal in a while. And stop they did, so suddenly that the person behind Aragorn nudged him.  
  
"Sorry," Katie apologized.  
  
They seated themselves upon the ground, and the Elves gave them some bread to eat and water from a skin.  
  
"We shall rest here for the night," Haldir said. "No, do not remove your blindfolds. We will guard you from harm, so sleep without fear."  
  
Aragorn had to assume that the Fellowship slept, but he was not certain, for he was taking full advantage of a night off watch. In the morning they went on again in the same fashion as before. There was little conversation that was noteworthy of repeating, and sometime around noon Aragorn was distracted by the all-but-imperceptible sound of elven steps around them. Had the Ranger not been raised among the fair elven folk, he doubted he could have detected anything at all.  
  
Pippin and Merry exclaimed in surprise as the band of elves sang out a greeting. Aragorn himself was a bit startled at the number, but was eager to hear any news of the movement of evil. Also the tidings of Gollum, the nasty beast that he was. Aragorn rubbed his hand in the not-so-fond memory of where the misbegotten creature had bitten him so long ago on the path to Mirkwood.  
  
Haldir reported, "They bring me a message from the Lord and Lady of the Galadhrim. You are all to walk free, even the dwarf Gimli. It seems that the Lady knows who and what is each member of your Company. New messages have come from Rivendell perhaps."  
  
Indeed, the Ranger mused. I wonder then what she makes of our only female companion. The thought was mildly entertaining, yet at the same time sobering. He wondered if perhaps the Lady would know of some way to counter the evil. He hoped she did, for without the wisdom of Elrond or Gandalf, the Company was unsure of what to do. And though Aragorn would never express his sentiment aloud, the sooner they were rid of Katie, the sooner the threat would be vanquished.  
  
The cloth that bound his eyes was stripped away, and he looked around him with new appreciation of the beauty of the wood. A hill crowned by two ethereal circles of trees greeted his eyes, and Aragorn knew he was not the only one to catch his breath at the sight of them. Flowers spread like a starry blanket across the ground, and the moment was so perfect that the Ranger wished he had a way of capturing it forever.  
  
"Behold! You are come to Cerin Amroth," said Haldir. "For this is the heart of the ancient realm as it was long ago, and here is the mound of Amroth, where in happier days his high house was built. Here ever bloom the winder flowers in the unfading grass: the yellow *elanor*, and the pale *niphredil*. Here we will stay awhile, and come to the city of the Galadhrim at dusk."  
  
Aragorn knelt in the fragrant grass, catching hold of a star-like blossom. Ah, Arwen. Did you ever kneel here and think of me, as I am of you?  
  
The members of the Company dispersed, some to take rest, some to explore with Haldir's guidance. Frodo and Sam went with the Elf to the circle of trees. Aragorn moved to follow, as if in a dream. He thoughtlessly plucked a single flower of *elanor*, and stood silently at the base of the outermost circle of trees. "*Arwen vanimelda, namari?!" he cried. The Ranger did not notice the return of Frodo until he became aware of the hobbit's gaze.  
  
"Here is the heart of Elvendom on earth," he said, "and here my heart dwells ever, unless there be a light beyond the dark roads that we still must tread, you and I. Come with me!" And he guided the hobbit away, knowing in his heart of hearts, that he would never see that place again.  
  
They treaded on into the evening, shadows creeping upon them in the woods, and the Elves lit silver lamps so that they would not stumble in the dusk. Then suddenly the trees halted on their course, and an open space carpeted with lush grass. Mallorn trees grew in the distance, and again their guide Haldir spoke.  
  
"Welcome to Caras Galadhon!" he said. "Here is the city of the Galadhrim where dwell the Lord Celeborn and Galadriel the Lady of Lórien. But we cannot enter here, for the gates do not look northward. We must go round to the southern side, and the way is not short, for the city is great."  
  
~*~  
  
Katie loved Lothlórien. It was beautiful; actually, outright breathtaking. Gorgeous, thrilling; all those words couldn't say enough about the Golden Wood. But she felt like every part of her from the waist down was being slowly eaten away by microscopic insects. Not to mention that Aragorn's leather leggings, seasoned though they were, smelled *awful* when they got wet. All in all, the girl was pretty uncomfortable.  
  
Walking was all fine and good, but her loaned pants, damp as they were, were riding up in a very inopportune place. And she wasn't about to try and do a thing about it. As a result, her current predicament resulted in a stilted gait. Not to mention that Katie was entirely bored with having nobody to talk to, and her mental companion hadn't been back in a little while. In fact, she had the sneaking suspicion that she was no longer speaking to her. Which wasn't much of a loss.  
  
Oy, what I wouldn't give for Brian, or Sam, or April, or even my *brothers* to be here to talk to. Then again, on second thought, having her boyfriend or either of her closest friends here would be wishing a type of torture on them that nobody except Sauron deserved.  
  
As night fell and the city of the Galadhrim grew closer, Katie had a sneaking suspicion that Galadriel was going to have a thing or two to say about the whole situation. She was surprised at Haldir's earlier words, that the Lady knew about each and every member of the company. She wondered just how much Galadriel understood about her. Or was she poking through Katie's meager store of brain cells right at that moment? All of a sudden Katie found the city to be very unsettling.  
  
Then they were climbing up. Up and up. Were there even this many stairs in the Washington monument? Egads, the trees were tall! Winking silver lamps lit their path, but they seemed to glare at Katie, who felt like even more of an outcast than before. As the stoutest and grandest of all the trees loomed before them, the ladder to it guarded by three white-clad Elves, Katie knew precisely where she was, even when their tour-guide Elf announced it.  
  
"Here dwell Celeborn and Galadriel," said Haldir. "It is their wish that you should ascend and speak with them." As he spoke, the guards signaled with a horn, and it was returned. "I will go first," said Haldir. "Let Frodo come next and with him Legolas. After them, Katie. The others may follow as they wish. It is a long climb for those that are not accustomed to such stairs, but you may rest upon the way."  
  
The girl gave a start to realize that her presence had been specially requested. There is no way I'm getting out of this one. Perhaps if I fall and pretend to break an arm.? No, that wasn't any good, because not only would she likely *break* the arm anyway, it'd be Aragorn to set the darn thing, and she wasn't going anywhere near that. Besides, she still owed him for drugging her in the first place, canon be hanged! Surely Tolkien could forgive the future king of Gondor for having a small mishap involving a lake or perhaps a stairwell that wasn't *too* far off the ground.  
  
However, that mental bunny trail was far off the matter at hand. With Haldir leading the way, Frodo following, Legolas after him, and finally Katie, the four began their ascent into the home of the Lord and Lady. Katie's heart seemed to climb higher in her throat with each step she took, and her stomach twisted tighter the higher she got. She was not too ashamed to admit she was acrophobic, and terribly so.  
  
After gratefully setting foot on solid.platform again, and allowing her eyes to pop sufficiently at the sheer size of the glorious accommodations, Katie was uncomfortably aware that she was one of the centers of attention for all the gathered Elves present. She'd forgotten that the movie had deviated from the book on this point. She and the others were not to be granted a private audience with Celeborn and Galadriel. Instead, there were a whole bunch of the woodland dwellers seated there in a circle. Self- conscious didn't even begin to describe Katie's feelings.  
  
Celeborn and Galadriel themselves sat in regal chairs on a raised dais, shaded by living boughs. The Lord greeted Frodo courteously, as he did each member of the Fellowship that came up after. His tone was warm with all, and his eyes held an eternal light that seemed to bestow kindness wherever he glanced.  
  
"Welcome Katie. Your strength against this foe we all battle has not waned yet, and for that we can be thankful. Pray be seated."  
  
Katie was struck dumb for a moment. She was already for the most part speechless anyway, but Celeborn's inclusion of her in the greetings to the Fellowship shocked her. She hardly had the intelligence to incline her head and bow ever so slightly at the waist before taking the seat indicated.  
  
Eventually all were seated and Celeborn began with his knowledge of the quest, but Katie did not pay the slightest bit of attention. She was entirely too consumed with the way the Lord of Lothlórien had addressed her. As if she were no different. As if she belonged. Was that good or bad? Did that mean that she was being integrated into the story? Or was he merely being polite?  
  
You know, there are times I wish you wouldn't get into such complicated discussions with yourself.  
  
I was wondering when you'd pop up again. And why shouldn't I worry about these things? I'm the only one who can!  
  
Are you so certain about that?  
  
Eh?  
  
You're among Elves know, specifically Galadriel. Even I don't know what she's capable of, and if you'd actually looked around the circle, you'd have seen Elrond sitting over there.  
  
Katie shook off her temporary mental paralysis and peered around the circle, searching for familiar faces. B-b-but, he's not *supposed* to be here! And *Egads!* neither is Arwen! Or.or.say, who is that hunky piece of elf-flesh to Elrond's left? The blonde? It ain't one of his sons, that's for sure!  
  
Ahem.if I may make an educated guess, I do believe that's Glorfindel.  
  
*Ba*-by. Them fangirls in the real world don't know what they've missed. And they want *Legolas?* I'm sorry, instant convert right here!  
  
Stop drooling.  
  
After you.  
  
Shut up.  
  
Legolas' defined looks and gentle smiles did not even compare with the visual feast Katie was faced with. She tried not to ogle too much over Glorfindel's burnished gold locks, a deeper tone than the Mirkwood elf's, and the sharp green eyes that could take in everything at once and dismiss it just as quickly. Highly defined eyebrows knitted over a perfectly proportioned nose, and there was a certain.angularity about the elf lord's features that made Legolas look like he was still in his tweens.  
  
Needless to say, Katie found if *very* difficult to concentrate on anything that was said within the first good portion of the gathering.  
  
"I it was who first summoned the White Council. And if my designs had not gone amiss, it would have been governed by Gandalf the Grey, and then mayhap things would have gone otherwise," Galadriel was saying when Katie chose to tune in again.  
  
The White Council? Why not the Council of Galadriel?  
  
{Because, young one, that will come later.}  
  
*YIE!*  
  
She swore that Galadriel blinked and winced slightly. Then again, it could be just that she was frowning at her. And then Katie was caught, pinioned by a gaze so chilling that it seemed to strip her down inside. She froze, and could *feel* Galadriel there, suggesting things to her . . . things that she wanted desperately. Things she had only dreamed about as a fangirl. Things . . . that were *wrong*.  
  
No! I won't, you get *out*! I will never do that to them. Never!  
  
This time, the Lady of the Wood said nothing to her mentally, but seemed to smile as if to herself, though her face never changed expression. Something told Katie that she'd be a killer poker player.  
  
"Do not let your hearts be troubled," Galadriel then said, gracing them all with a smile that seemed to shine. "Tonight you shall sleep in peace."  
  
Katie joined the others of the Fellowship in a collective sigh of weariness. She hadn't realized just how tiring locking brains with Galadriel could be. Celeborn dismissed them, granting them refuge in the city, promising that they would speak no more of the quest.  
  
But what does that say about me? Katie thought somewhat dismally as the Company roused themselves and descended the ladder. She cast a furtive glance around; all the gathered Elves were also beginning to break up and talk amongst themselves, but clearly Frodo and his motley band of companions had first honors of leaving. Elrond and Arwen were lost in the crowd, to say nothing of their elusive companion, Glorfindel.  
  
"Lady," a voice somewhere up and behind her left shoulder began.  
  
Katie froze. Was the person talking to her?  
  
"Lady?" And then someone's hand brushed her shoulder.  
  
Katie leaped forward, spinning and tripping on the long hem of Boromir's cloak as she tried (with little success) to face the person behind her without losing her balance. There was a soggy-sounding whump as she landed, hair obscuring her eyes. As she brushed the rumpled strands aside, her one prayer was, Please, don't let it be . . .   
  
And she looked up. Glorfindel.  
  
Cruel fates, why must you torment me so?  
  
[Tolkien, J.R.R. The Lord of the Rings. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1994. Pages 337-348.] 


	18. The Council of Galadriel

Disclaimer: Hop along back to Chapter One and take a looksee fer yerself!  
  
Author's Explanation (Because it's going to be way too long to be classified as a note):  
  
First, to EVERYBODY, reviewer or not, I AM SORRY. I looked at the date for Chapter 17 and it was sometime in *February*! I'm rather surprised that I haven't had any death threats or anything. My most humble apologies.  
  
Second, I would like to explain my tardiness. The hard drive to my laptop was creamed by a falling object from on high. (Translation: a statue fell off my shelf and -WHAM! - it was all over.) It took somewhere around half a semester to fix, and then I had to restore all my files. So here I am, with Chapter 18 finished, and 19 near completion.  
  
And now to you faithful many:  
  
Contia Mirian: I agree with you on the details part. I live for a little bit of description here and there. Trust me, if I thought I could go off for two pages about Lothlórien, then I would. Unfortunately, I think I would eventually begin to bore myself. I value your reviews (everybody take note, model reviewer right here! Ha ha.) and I hope you enjoy the chapter.  
  
DDR Freak: Brilliance? Strong term, I am honored. I prefer to think of it as madness with a *lot* of rules to remember. But that of course makes it all the more interesting.  
  
The Critic: Thank you. I am honored.  
  
MentalMidget008: As soon as I get the file back from Drake, we can continue with the collaboration. I think he's on vacation right now, but I'll get on his case soon enough. As for Nikome . . . the file was lost in the laptop crash. We can restart, if you'd like? Take care, melamin.  
  
Narcissus: I think Katie lives by Murphey's law, as someone else pointed out. If it can go wrong, I'll make sure it does! I'm so happy that you're still with me, and that this chapter doesn't scare you off!  
  
Rabid Squirrel: Okay, okay! Stay with me, there's more! (  
  
Lady Moon: I laughed at your review when it came in email, and it brightened my day. Nothing like talking to oneself to relieve a bit of stress. What happened is not Meriweather's author, but the canonical characters trying to solve the problem, and therefore 'rebelling' against Tolkien's plotline somewhat. Reading will help, trust me!  
  
Tifa: You'll have to tell me if this qualifies under the category of 'great work.' It wouldn't do to lose what little edge I have!  
  
Me: Oh, it's simple. It keeps me entertained and away from an evil genre of fanfiction that I have already delved to deeply into . . .  
  
Celtic Dreamer: Four reviews to answer at once! Je suis shocke! Your comments and sidenotes are wonderful! I always look for reviews from you, and you make such excellent points. Thanks!  
  
C.L. Rhodes: Crush might be too tame a term. Perhaps 'avalanche of affection' would be slightly more accurate. Hmm . . . not sure about that one.  
  
Goddess Isis: That is *so* true. I don't think such a perfect person exists. I'm drooling thinking about it. You're welcome for the book, I personally love writing from it, but Meriweather needs to keep up her hate factor, so she gets in from time to time.  
  
Spider: I'm pleased, and I hope you stay with me.  
  
DeeSarrachi: I checked the date on your review, sometime in February, begging me to hurry . . . and I'm sorry that it wasn't possible for it to be sooner, but Chapter 19 will be following this one shortly, so maybe that makes up for it?  
  
Dazzle: Hey! Another old-timer! Well, I'm still writing, and you're still reviewing! So read!  
  
Sabriel Elysium: *Yeah* he is! I don't know, for some strange reason, everyone wants more. You'd think my story was popular or something. (  
  
Lady Tamarisk: Oh, there is no way I will stop. I fully intend to finish, so keep reading.  
  
ScarsOnAScribbler'sHeart: I just wanted to say: I love your name. And there's a fangirl or fanguy deep inside everyone of us. Except mine's not so deep. Go Glorfindel!  
  
Rabia: Hi, I've missed you! No, there's no connection between "To Kill A Mockingbird" and Meriweather. Except perhaps subconsciously. I picked the name Meriweather because I wanted something long and ridiculous. Does it work? Must remember to go to your short fic. And finals actually went all right. I only nearly failed one, but I wasn't in danger of failing the course, so I scraped by. What about you? You done with school?  
  
Laura: Oh, the girls have no idea. When my friend gets done with her Glorfindel fanfiction, you'll have to read it. It's all about fangirls 'missing' Glorfindel. It promises to be entertaining. At least for Mary Sue-haters. I think I know some people like that . . .  
  
Katie Tann: Another someone I've missed! Go elf groupies! 'Manually challenged.' I'll have to remember that one. Now you can go see which way canon went. I hope it's not too painful . . .  
  
Europa: Yeah! Go Glorfindel! Tune in for the conclusion to the Glorfindel Incident . . .  
  
SaiyanGirlCheetah: Hey, you deserved it! Yes, I have won another convert to the Glorfindel cause! And about Meriweather's return, read on . . .  
  
Earendil: Aww, it wasn't really a cliffhanger, was it? I mean, she wasn't staring down Meriweather's sword or anthing . . . I'm receiving murderous glares. Shutting up . . .  
  
Katakanadian: I fought the canon, and the canon won . . . or will it? Cue the cheesy scary music! I leave you to read and find out!  
  
Azaelia Sapphire: I'm thinking we should start a club for Glorfindel fans. He's *so* undervalued.  
  
Zurizip: Oh, of course! Motto away!  
  
Wellduh: I'm sorry. I'll stop with the hunky mental imagery.  
  
WeaselyTwinsLover: You must be in Europe or something, because I looked at the time on the email and it said 3 a.m. EST. Tell me that you have something better to do than read my fanfiction at 3 in the morning! Incidentally, I apologize that I didn't have time to reply, but my mother deleted the email, and we're having some hacking problems with our account. To answer your question, it was recently decided last week that the story will continue through The Two Towers at least, because the movie hit the theatres before I was finished. Return of the King, however, we'll have to see . . .  
  
The FLAMER: Oh, I thought I was in trouble for a moment . . . Happy you liked, and I hope you like what's to come, too!  
  
Menlathiel: Thanks for the heads-up about the confusion. I'll have to remember that not everybody can follow my spasmodic neural leaps of illogic. (  
  
Shiggity-shiggity: Ha, ha, slow down! I've only taken two semesters of French! Je ne comprend pas, mais merci. (I probably broke 37 grammar laws right there.)  
  
Philippa: Didn't I tell you that I have exclusive rights to be slothful? Just kidding! I was looking for your picket signs, by the way. Ah, there's too much administration. Red tape, phooey! Nothing a knife can't handle . . .  
  
NightShade: Ah, yes, my Murphey's law contributor. And the code of Katie's rather unlucky entrapment. I hope you like!  
  
CrimsonElf: I'm so surprised that you sat down and read the *whole thing* through at once! I didn't think anybody could do that, not even me! You get my Perseverance Award! I've heard varying things about the Aragorn POV, and I was really just testing the waters for something a little different. Thanks for the feedback!  
  
Deòiridh: It's a trick to spell your name! Great criticism. Yeah, I'm guilty of overusing some phrases. My defense is that I love synonym- istics. I hate repeating names over and over. But I will attempt to control myself underneath such high praise.  
  
Sprite: I give you permission to breathe again. Go forth and read!  
  
Mizalaye: Give Katie a break? Are you crazy? If she's lucky she'll get an uninterrupted, undrugged night's sleep. ( I've missed you too, and I hope you'll forgive my rather long absence.  
  
Alaina: Sure, I'll join your club, and I think about half of the other people that reviewed will too! About Galadriel . . . according to the book she tempted the Fellowship with the things they most desired. For example, one of the hobbits (pardon me, I don't remember which off the top of my head) wanted to go back to the Shire, and Galadriel offered him the choice. That's basically what she did with Katie, testing her as you said.  
  
Fly Without Wings: Thanks!  
  
Wen Quendalie: Someone has hit the nail on the head . . . Bravo!  
  
AerinBrown: I'm chuggin' along! It's hard work, entertaining the masses!  
  
Stage-Rose: Aw, thanks for the cheer, I feel special. And now, on to the best part!  
  
Author's Note: Before I began answering reviews, this chapter was nine pages long. Now it's twelve. Go figure.  
  
And last, but *certainly* not least, dedication of this chapter goes to Contia Mirian, for her questions, encouragements, and support. Thank you, thank you so *very* much.  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Eighteen  
  
"Lady, are you all right?" the elf lord asked in a smooth baritone that would have definitely made Katie weak in the knees, had she not already been on the ground. He extended one strong hand and easily brought her back to her feet.  
  
"The only things hurt are the tattered shreds of my pride," she replied a bit sourly, hiding her open-mouthed adoration behind the irritation she felt toward herself and the Mary Sue's cursed author. And the fates, darn them all!  
  
"Lord Elrond has requested to speak with you, about the matter that concerns all of Middle-earth. Will you accompany me, Lady?"  
  
His eyes are so green . . . Katie caught herself thinking, before the better part of her senses took over. "It would appear that I have no choice. However, please do not call me 'Lady', for you are giving me a title that I certainly do not deserve."  
  
"As you wish, Katie." Glorfindel did not argue, but beckoned her to follow him. Somehow the syllables of her name didn't sound as odd as they did when Arwen or Legolas had pronounced them.  
  
Okay, knock it off, you're making *me* look pathetic, her voice broke in. And you need to be on your toes for this, comprendez-vous?  
  
Hey, when did you learn to speak French?  
  
*Pay attention, will ya?*  
  
Glorfindel descended the ladder where the three elves in silver mail were still standing sentry, and waited while the girl behind him cautiously (and rather slowly) made her way down. Then the elf lord led her down a series of stairs, to a small glade set in a natural depression in the earth. Ivy had been allowed to overgrow the rim and cascade onto the soft grass, and there were white stone benches ringing the entire circle. And in the center, Elrond, Arwen, and Aragorn stood waiting.  
  
There was no warning as Galadriel and Celeborn passed into view from behind, their footfalls silent. Katie started, blinked, and immediately wished she was somewhere else. There were *far* too many important people here. And while she knew the Fellowship was important, all the elves were still considered the "wisest and fairest of all beings," to quote an actress she knew. This did not sit well with her.  
  
"Pray be seated," Galadriel bid them, wasting no time in getting to the point.  
  
Umm . . . this isn't right, is it? I'm *positive* this didn't happen, especially since I think the whole thing concerns me.  
  
You're right, it didn't. This is a knot in the canon, caused by Meriweather's misweaving of the threads of the story and your subsequent involvement. One thing I'll say: this can't be good.  
  
Galadriel and Celeborn seated themselves together on a bench, Elrond and Glorfindel to their right, Arwen and Aragorn to their left. Which left Katie feeling like the odd one out. She hesitated, feeling like a deer caught in headlights as all six of them looked at her expectantly. At last the girl took the only seat left to her, the one right across from Galadriel. A shivery tingle of apprehension crept along her spine.  
  
"Do you know, Katie, why we have called this meeting?" the Lady of the Wood began.  
  
She licked her lips and cleared her throat, hands unconsciously gripping the edge of the bench she sat on until her knuckles turned white. Katie felt like she was in the dean's office, being interrogated. Darting another uncertain glance around at the stoic faces looking at her, she answered, "To address the threat we all face, so I believe." She was careful to keep her reply as canonically phrased as possible, though in the end it probably would not matter.  
  
"Correct," Elrond confirmed, piercing eyes resting on her. He pinned her in place with a demanding gaze, not unkind, merely concerned. "We understand some of what you have encountered, and have gathered instances of our own, but now you must reveal all in its entirety, if we are to solve this problem."  
  
Who knew one teenage girl could have created such a fiasco? her voice asked dryly. Tell 'em, and don't leave anything out.  
  
Katie obeyed, slowly and haltingly at first, afraid to reveal too much. "There is a fierce battle being waged here, and I am in the center of it. This is no magic or evil force of your world, and I do not think there is anything that can be done in your power to remedy it. I know that you all, perhaps with the exception of Glorfindel and Arwen, know what I speak of when I say that there is an evil in all our minds. It appears as a small voice, but it is a danger far greater than that. It is what you would be forced to become, should I lose control."  
  
"'Control?'" Elrond repeated. "Of what do you speak?"  
  
She took a calming breath, before continuing. "You see me as I am because I have defeated Meriweather. You are yourselves because of my battles with her. But it is not a lasting thing. In essence, we fight for control of reality as you know it. You, Lord Elrond, and Aragorn as well," Katie nodded her head toward him, "understand the other reality. It is a twisted, malformed version of Middle-earth, one whose existence should never have been allowed to occur."  
  
"Agreed," Celeborn interrupted. "Tell us of your encounters with this foe."  
  
"Meriweather," the name came to her lips as a snarled word and Katie let it escape as such. "Three times have I fought her. The first, we were both unconscious on the pass of Caradhras. I was blinded by rage for what she had caused me to endure, and I attacked her, gaining the upper hand because she did not expect me to resist, or for there to be a flaw in her plan. Upon her defeat, I came here, as Aragorn will tell you, as I appear, shocking and odd as I am.  
  
"The second time, I had an unfortunate incident with a rock," Katie explained delicately, "and while I was again unconscious, Meriweather in turn took advantage of me and strangled me into submission. It was at that time that the Fellowship gained Moria, and it was as we departed, under Meriweather's spell, that the third altercation occurred. Once more I defeated her, and ever since Middle-earth has been somewhat intact, except for my presence."  
  
The circle of people around her stirred as she finished her account. Glorfindel and Elrond looked thoughtful, as did Celeborn. Galadriel remained impassive, and Arwen was regarding Aragorn silently as he seemed to consider a blade of grass between his boots to be of utmost importance.  
  
"Did you ever injure one another in your encounters?" Elrond questioned, brow furrowed as if he were working on a complicated puzzle.  
  
Katie nodded. "It does not show when either of us return to consciousness. Only previously sustained wounds remain, such as the orc arrow wounds Meriweather received in Moria."  
  
"So Meriweather is the only one to have been harmed?"  
  
Aragorn cleared his throat conspicuously as she hesitated. Katie favored him with a glare before responding, "No, she is untouched. I take all wounds inflicted to her. It is one of the evils she possesses over me."  
  
"So her hold has increased ere I saw you last?" Arwen asked quietly, her question not really needing an answer.  
  
"I fear so, yes," the girl affirmed. "And my plea to you is that if you know of any way to remedy this great menace, please tell me! I know of no solution, short of murdering Meriweather in cold blood, and I do not possess the will or the strength to commit such an act." Katie's admittance of her deep-rooted fear stuck in her throat, but only for a moment. She had known all along that she could not do away with Meriweather, but she also knew that simply killing the Sue would not stop the problem. But Katie didn't know how to explain the existence of a fanfic author to them, and she didn't dare try.  
  
This repercussions thing is really beginning to get on my nerves, she observed to herself.  
  
Don't stress about it for the time being. Listen, that's all. They may have an idea.  
  
"It would seem that Meriweather is the being we must contend with," Glorfindel at last surmised. "Does she serve a greater power that you have not mentioned?"  
  
What is this guy, psychic?  
  
No, that would be Galadriel you're thinking of.  
  
"Yes, Meriweather does not act of her own accord. She is at the mercy of a being as great as Melkor."  
  
The elves started and looked amongst themselves at Katie's analogy. "Surely that cannot be true!" Aragorn spoke for the first time. "How can one mere child face a force with that much strength?"  
  
Katie half-flinched at the Ranger's use of 'child,' but refused to react. "Alone, if I must and no other way can be found. But I pray that there may," she added.  
  
The impromptu council fell silent, until Galadriel spoke. "This matter requires much thought and contemplation. You have faced much already, Katie, unaided. You have proven yourself strong, and now may you rest in peace. The Golden Wood has always been a haven from evil, and I pray you find it as such. We will adjourn for the night, and speak again on these things three eves from now. A solution must be reached as swiftly as possible." She rose on those words, as did the rest of the council.  
  
With a few murmured farewells, the seven disbanded. Katie remained where she sat, hands still firmly glued to the edge of her bench. She bent to the task of commanding her fingers to release themselves, letting out a relieved sigh as she did so.  
  
That could have gone a lot worse, Katie muttered mentally as she rubbed feeling back into her hands.  
  
Under the circumstances, I don't think it could have gone any better.  
  
"Katie?" A gentle hand touched her shoulder, but the girl was far too weary to jump in surprise. Her fading nervousness, coupled with a long day of travel, had finally taken its toll, and Katie was dead tired.  
  
She looked up blearily to see Arwen bending over her, raven hair spilling over one slim shoulder. Her unblemished beauty made Katie feel that much grimier.  
  
"Will you come with me? I requested that you be given a flet away from the Company, unless you prefer otherwise?"  
  
"No, no, that's perfectly all right. I appreciate your thought of me," she smiled and rose clumsily to her feet, tiredness weighing down her every step. Arwen led her slowly, coaching her every step.  
  
Normally, Katie would have vociferously protested any sort of fuss over her, but at the moment her mind refused to even attempt anything near cognitive thought. However, when a bath was offered, there was no way, asleep or awake, she was going to turn that down. And so it was, clean, wearing proper nightclothes, and sleeping in a soft bed, that Katie ended her third day in Lothlorien.  
  
  
  
The days passed, eventfully and uneventfully in their turns, and though Katie was determined to keep track somehow the hours slipped away from her like so many grains of sand between her fingers. There was something about the Enchanted Wood that defied definition and muddled one's senses. The sun always shone in Lothlorien and there was never a rainy day or hardly a cloud in the sky, or that was how it seemed.  
  
Many of Katie's time passing activities, if they could be called such, were simply wandering through the many flets in the great city with careless abandon, trusting that someone would find her and bring her back to her room before nightfall. She would go and talk with the members of the Fellowship that would have her, such as the hobbits and Gimli, from time to time. Boromir stilled seemed leery of her presence and she did not fault him for it. Legolas, as a general rule, was always off with his elven kindred, but that was to be an expected occurrence. Aragorn had his frequent appearances as he was the leader of the Fellowship, but he divided his attention between his comrades and his girlfriend. As such, it left Katie with some very short conversation companions.  
  
It was somewhere around the sixth night of their stay under the boughs of the Golden Wood when again the Council of Galadriel, as Katie had come to all it, met again.  
  
"You all know our purpose, thus there is no use in restating it," Galadriel opened without preamble. "Have any of you a solution?"  
  
"Before you ask for an answer, perhaps we might know if we have been given all the clues," Elrond returned shrewdly, steepling his fingers and looking at Katie across the circle.  
  
Katie's mind whirled as she tried to remember what she had neglected to mention besides the blatant fact that everybody before her was fictional. "I do not understand . . ." she hedged. "I have told all I know to tell."  
  
The lord of Imladris held up one hand for her silence. "I recalled something Elladan and Elrohir told me of, that night when they thought to take your life. You said there was an 'author' controlling Middle-earth, is that not so?"  
  
How did you manage to let that one slip?  
  
Hey, it was a near-death experience, all right?! Gimme a break! Katie tried to calm herself and come up with a logical answer that could be explained without having to go into terms such as 'fanfic' and 'Mary Sue.'  
  
"I did say that," the girl confirmed, nodding slowly. When it was clear that the six people before her demanded that she expound upon that notion, Katie took a deep breath. "To put it simply, we are all characters in the gigantic play that is life. I can't tell you everything you wish to know because it would likely crush your fragile world into fragments that can't be mended. Let us leave it at this: I belong to a different stage, a different scene than yours. You may call it a future scene to yours."  
  
She cast a careful glance at her listeners, hoping they would understand her analogy. Nobody looked completely lost yet, and Katie took that as a good sign.  
  
"Do you mean to say that you know what will happen?" Celeborn spoke, aged eyes focused intently on Katie.  
  
"I can't answer that, for I don't even know anymore. Someone from my stage has created the menace of Meriweather, trapped myself and you as her pawns, and has somehow linked Middle-Earth and my Earth together. I call the person an author, and the effects of her power are steadily growing worse as the story progresses. Our two stages, two *worlds* are slowly being mixed together." Katie paused, lowering her hands from where they had been gesticulating madly throughout her speech.  
  
"What will it take to unravel these 'stages?'" Arwen asked, glancing first at her father and then her grandmother.  
  
"I do not think this problem can be remedied at this point in time. If I discern what Katie says rightly, to attempt any attack on Meriweather or this 'author' could prove disastrous to Middle-Earth. The two worlds could become permanently bound to one another, and we would slowly be overrun and defeated," Galadriel summed up, blond tresses flowing slightly in a gentle breath of wind.  
  
"Then you suggest letting the play run through its acts and scenes?" Glorfindel questioned, crossing his arms and looking to the she-elf.  
  
"That would seem the most prudent option, yes."  
  
That was not exactly the answer Katie wanted to hear. The story could go right on through 'The Return of the King,' and by then she would certainly be stark, raving mad. "You have *got* to be kidding," she groaned under her breath, trying not to panic.  
  
Six pairs of eyes were immediately locked on her.  
  
"'Kidding?'" questioned Aragorn.  
  
"Jesting," Katie explained, and immediately wished she hadn't.  
  
"Why would we jest about such a thing?" the Ranger demanded. "You know what is at stake here!" He glared at her with a look of impatience.  
  
Don't you dare . . . ! Her voice was too late. Katie's simmering anger and frustration over the entire situation finally boiled over. And to the elves, it was a sight to behold.  
  
"Yeah, more than you do! I have had it up to here-" and Katie made a vicious gesture to her throat, "-with your attitude! What is your problem anyway? I don't want to be here any more than you want me to be here, and I know you think I'm some kind of useless fool-don't roll your eyes at me, you jerk-but for pity's sake give me a break! If you knew *half* of what I do, you wouldn't be so quick to judge and condemn me all at once." She was on her feet and shouting. Even Elrond looked a little cowed at her outburst. But Katie wasn't finished with her un-canonized speech.  
  
"And now you tell me that I'm going to be stuck here until the Scouring of the Shire takes place, forced to kiss up to you *and* Boromir! *Yes*, Aragorn, son of Arathorn, I *do* know what is at stake." Katie fixed him with a deadly glower. "Don't you treat me as if I am a stupid child with nothing better to do than get in the way. I feel like that often enough without you constantly reminding me. Just stay out of my way," she growled, then turned on her heel and stalked out of the council. And it was entirely more satisfying than the last time, because she didn't smack into an invisible barrier.  
  
A smart thing you did back there, you moron, her voice grumbled. I bet they didn't even understand half of what you said.  
  
More's the pity, Katie shot back. Don't mess with me. I've had enough. If you'll excuse me, I think I need to go find someone to beat up. Breathing deeply, fists clenched at her side, she tried to relax, but was still too upset.  
  
"Katie?"  
  
She would know that voice anywhere. Katie spun on her heel and snapped, "Yes?"  
  
Aragorn didn't flinch at her tone, or the rather murderous anger in her eyes. "Will you walk with me?"  
  
No, was her first instinct.  
  
Yes, her voice insisted. At the very least you owe him an apology.  
  
Right, Katie replied sarcastically. After he gives one to me.  
  
Just do it, her voice sighed. Stop acting like a five-year-old. No wonder Aragorn thinks you're a little kid.  
  
Katie was silent a moment. At last she nodded, not meeting Aragorn's eyes. "I will accompany you."  
  
As is often the case when two people feel guilty about earlier actions but are loathe to apologize first, there was a long silence as Katie and Aragorn navigated several stairways. She had her arms crossed over her chest in a hostile posture and he had his hands clasped behind his back, a closed expression on his face.  
  
"Putting off what we mean to say will get us nowhere," Katie finally began. She left off studying the hem of her elven dress and cast a sideways look at the Ranger. "I am sorry for my actions at the council. I acted inappropriately and I should not have said those things to you. I ask your forgiveness."  
  
Aragorn's blue-gray eyes studied her for a moment. "You have it. And I too must ask for your pardon. Rarely have the women in Middle-earth been involved in something so dangerous, and never at your age. It is true that you are by far the youngest one, and that leads the Fellowship to consider you a child. Your experiences and knowledge have aged you, and I must beg of you your forgiveness for not seeing the large part you play on our stage right now. I had not known of your battles, for they leave no wounds. I considered you a nuisance, and I am sorry."  
  
"It is forgotten," Katie said, looking at the ground six feet or so below the open stairwell they stood upon. "I cannot say the same for your tricks, however."  
  
Aragorn failed to note the mischievous gleam in the girl's eye, nor his own precarious position as he replied, "The wiles of a Ranger are numerous," he said, a self-satisfied half-smirk pulling at his lips.  
  
"Indeed." Katie narrowed her eyes, struggling to conceal her own half- smile. "But then, as I am sure Arwen will teach you, the wiles of a woman far outnumber those of a man, be he a Ranger or not." With that, she sprang forward and pushed Aragorn so that he went teetering off balance on the edge of the stairs. His arms pinwheeled in the air for a moment, a look of utter surprise and shock on his face, before his feet slipped. He tried to throw his upper body forward in order to catch the edge of the steps, but he missed miserably and instead his fast reflexes caught the hem of Katie's dress.  
  
She let out a shriek such as had never before been heard in the Golden Wood, for two reasons. One was because Aragorn was *impossible* to get revenge upon. The second was far more serious: she knew her head was going to hit something. In the split second before the back of her skull greeted the edge of the stairs, Katie cringed and immediately began sorting through her mental knowledge of interesting weapons.  
  
Aragorn would never know why one moment he was lying on the ground, the wind knocked out of him from Katie's revenge tactic, and the next he was back in the tiny cell he had come to recognize as his mental prison, where he was kept at bay by a power he could not overcome.  
  
But as he renewed his struggle against his mental bonds, he saw the answer before him, in the girl with Katie's face.  
  
Meriweather was back.  
  
[Tolkien, J.R.R. The Lord of the Rings. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1994. Page 349.] 


	19. Raccoons and Rivers

Disclaimer: Chapter One.  
  
A/N: This is the *fixed* Chapter 19. To those who were so unfortunate to find the other one, my sincerest apologies. It seems that Fanfiction.net is now stripping things placed between "". Which of course struck me as a huge problem. Therefore, all thoughts will now be in { }. Again, I am so very sorry.  
  
To my ever wonderful and faithful reviewers whom I have missed:  
  
WeasleyTwinsLover: I agree, the future's not looking too bright for our besieged hero, is it? Go Canadians! Hee hee.  
  
ScarsOnAScribbler'sHeart: Thankfully for us, she'll be exiting Lothlórien and won't have too much time to damage it. Hmm . . . we'll have to see about Edoras, mwahaha. I personally think Éowyn will try to slaughter Meriweather in her sleep if the author isn't careful. Not that it would be a loss to anyone except Katie . . .  
  
Fae: Samwise, my darling, my dear, giving my reviewers a sneak preview, hmm? Ha ha, just kidding. A lot of people seem to like Katie's outburst. I had *so* much fun writing it, too! About School's Out . . . they will be up soon, promise! Love ya hun!  
  
Crimson Starlight: Yes, those poor, poor kazoos!  
  
Mizalaye: If you think *that* was bad, I will not be held responsible for the atrocities the Sue has committed in this chapter. It's ten times worse, I guarantee. Katie's going to get smacked, no two ways about it! As for the ending, you're right, I'm not going to answer it.  
  
Azaelia Sapphire: They're at the Sue's mercy and nobody's got the willies more than I! Utterly terrifying, this chapter, let me warn you. She's trying to rip the canon apart, make no mistake!  
  
Bryn: I hadn't intended on her falling for Glorfindel, but he's just so . . . so . . . elf. And I in no way deserve all the praise you have heaped upon me. My work pales compared to yours. I have been following "Out of the Frying Pan" at school thanks to Aralanthiriel's archives and I confess that I die laughing each chapter. (The author with 34 lives, that's me!) Thank you so very much for your flattering words.  
  
CrimsonElf: What really surprises me is that you timed the whole thing. I'm glad my descriptions aren't confusing or too long, thanks!  
  
DeeSarrachi: A *plush* armchair? You've got to be kidding. How awful . . . I hope you enjoy your stay in Isengard. Am excited. Have new chapter for you!  
  
Lightning: Perhaps I should give you the Overcomer Award, for getting through those blasted compu-technical difficulties. Sometimes I think God let us invent computers to teach us patience and humility . . . and how to vent anger using large hammers . . . For the time being, I've confined the storyline to only the author writing it, but that's always a future possibility.  
  
Flamin' June: Greetings! Thank you, thank you, *thank you* for nitpicking! That three-letter word is misused so often, that's how I came upon my usage of it. (Yes, I am sad.) Thank you also for your compliments on the rant. I had loads of fun with that!  
  
Rabia: I'm thinking of hunting the fates down and locking them in Isengard. It's the least they deserve. Silly, I don't mind whatsoever! I haven't licensed the usage of Meriweather yet (is that possible?) so don't worry! I'll pray for you and your exams, don't despair! Good luck!  
  
Fly Without Wings: Yes, it's that time again . . . cue the creepy music.  
  
Shiggity-shiggity: Here's more, but it's shorter than last time, sorry! I think Chapter Twenty will be longer, since it's the final chapter for "The Fellowship of the Ring." And after that . . . mwahahaha!  
  
Goddess Isis: Yeah, I think Aragorn had it coming, didn't he? Beware of what happens next, but I hope you like it!  
  
Lady Moon: Such doom and gloom, Lady! Trust me, you're right, the Sue is going to be *bad* this chapter, so look out!  
  
Heero Yuy: What will happen now is for you to discover! About the Middle- earth phrasing: Katie does that so that the characters will not be affected by the distinct crumbling of the canon. It is also easier for them to understand, since Katie's real phrasing would be riddled with colloquialisms and obscure references. However, you do make a valid point, so in future chapters from this one I will try to be more careful. Thanks for the heads-up!  
  
NightShade: A Monty Python fan, perhaps? If Sanity was wise, it hightailed it for safer lands! The wackiness continues!  
  
Laura: Then I'll have to convince my friend to finish it and post it on FF.net! (She has difficulties staying on track sometimes.) Thank you!  
  
Kazle: Updating soon, yes ma'am! Thanks for the positive vote for her little lash-out at Aragorn, I think he needed it too.  
  
MentalMidget008: Someone else who's giving out spoilers! Tsk, tsk! "World's best author" riiiiiiiight. I don't think so, but then your opinion isn't totally unbiased either! That's okay, I know I'm special. Amin mela lle, melamin.  
  
Ushmushmeifa: Oh, there's lots of evilness in this chapter! It's a pleasure to hear from you!  
  
Katakanadian: I didn't get to put in as much of them as I'd like, and I think there will be more in Chapter Twenty. I hope you like it!  
  
To Katakanadian, a longtime friend and reviewer, advocate of hobbits everywhere, thank you for all you have done. This chapter is dedicated to you, but never can it equal the great support you've given me. Again, thank you.  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Nineteen  
  
{Ohh my aching . . . everything . . .}  
  
{It's about time you got up. So to speak.}  
  
Katie looked (through Meriweather's eyes) around at the bank of the Great River. The back of her skull throbbed in time to her pulse, but that was the least of her concerns. As much as she hated to do it, she admitted to herself that the Sue was getting smarter. No sooner had Aragorn's little stunt (she refused to believe it was her fault) cost her Middle-earth's pleasant reality, then she had found herself in-between, pumped full of tranquilizer darts.  
  
{I need to find a way to top that one,} she muttered hazily to herself. Whatever drug Meriweather had used definitely did nothing for one's muscles or brain. Katie felt like her body was trapped in a painful fog, if that was possible.  
  
{She's up to her no-good Sue-ing again,} her voice put in. {So far you've had one near-kiss with Boromir and a hugfest with Aragorn over a slight misunderstanding.}  
  
{Ai, I'm glad I missed those. Anything else I should worry about?}  
  
{Nah, those are your two biggest problems. But as for in-between, the next time you meet, I know of a few lovely little devices called the Iron Maiden and the Rack. Just in case.}  
  
{I might take you up on that. Actually, on second thought, I think that machine from "The Princess Bride" that sucks years of life away might be nice . . .}  
  
Katie looked around warily, trying to gauge the current point of the story. The silver-gray waters of the Anduin lapped gently at the bank and she saw Legolas and Gimli storing their belongings in their boat. Both favored her with stares that were somewhere between pitying and despairing, but she didn't have time to dwell on them as a hand suddenly descended on her shoulder. A sneaking suspicion told her it was Aragorn, and a glance proved her right. Her voice attempted to distract her.  
  
{A few other things too. Galadriel's already given the Fellowship their gifts, well, Frodo anyway. Check out your cloak when you get the chance. It looks like our Sue's author hasn't seen the extended DVD yet, otherwise she'd know that everybody else gets gifts too.}  
  
{She didn't give Meriweather anything, did she? Like a love potion or something like that? Tell me she didn't!}  
  
{Well . . . it's only a promise.}  
  
{What *kind* of promise?} Katie demanded acidly. Aragorn's hand on her shoulder was a blatant reminder that she didn't need any *more* promises/encouragements/anything-to-make-the-story-sappier favors.  
  
{Something to the effect of 'Live and love long,' I do believe.}  
  
{Okay, let's rewind and freeze here! That *definitely* doesn't sound good in terms of the not-marrying-Aragorn-thing. Second, who does the author think Galadriel *is*? A genie that foretells the future?}  
  
{Something like that.}  
  
{You know, *you* are absolutely no help whatsoever.}  
  
{Well, I wasn't finished not being a help. There's something else you might need to know about.}  
  
Katie's conversation was distracted by the sudden appearance of a blond man, dressed for travel. He was helping Boromir load the boats, laughing and joking with the older man. He was dressed all in forest green, right down to his boots, tunic drawn tight across muscular shoulders that definitely placed him in the species category of Man. While his looks could never compare to Glorfindel, aside from that he was good-looking at first glance. At second, Katie blinked mentally. It couldn't be who she thought it was. And . . . was that a staff in his hand?  
  
She suddenly had a not-so-wonderful feeling about what her voice was going to tell her.  
  
{Who is *that*?}  
  
Her voice sounded a little hesitant to produce the information, {Uh . . . that would be Temnaur . . .}  
  
{And *who* is *he*?}  
  
{Uh . . . Gandalf's replacement . . .}  
  
{What?}  
  
{Well, you're certainly taking this better than I thought you would--}  
  
{*What?*}  
  
{Then again . . .}  
  
{*WHAT?!*} Katie fairly roared. {What is *with* this author?! Doesn't she know that Gandalf comes back? How about the fact that there are only *five* Istari? And nowhere is there a *green* one listed! And what about them being old?! And while we're busy ripping the canon to shreds, stomping and spitting on it, *why does he look like my BOYFRIEND?!*} Needless to say, her foggy head had cleared somewhat, though the lump she had incurred felt like it was going to explode.  
  
{Do you know of anybody else that can quote all of Gandalf's spells?}  
  
{There's got to be somebody . . . *HOLD IT.* Are you implying that guy over there is a . . . a . . .}  
  
{Marty Sam? Uh huh.}  
  
{Do you mean to tell me she's trapped another Tolkien fan? Brian? *My* Brian?}  
  
{It's easier for her to pull people close to you, because her Marty Sam template is likely her own boyfriend. Wanna bet she'll get some of her friends in on it next?}  
  
That raised a whole other round of questions that Katie did not have time to answer, and her blood positively boiled as she looked at Temnaur/Brian helping Frodo into a boat. Revenge might be a dish best served cold, but Katie would take it any way she could get it. However, her voice's implication cut her line of thinking short.  
  
{Please, please, *please* don't imply anything! I don't want to think about it. Brian being here is bad enough. I was actually right about something: the mixing of the worlds is getting worse. Man, I hate it when I'm right!}  
  
Katie spared one more glance in Temnaur/Brian's direction, feeling the need to do *something* but at a horrible loss. Not to mention the lack of anything resembling freedom. {I *will* get us out of this, make no mistake,} she vowed.  
  
{Uh oh, more Sue action ahead. Beware steel traps!} her voice warned, and Katie once more tuned herself into Meriweather's sorry state of existence.  
  
{What is that supposed to mean?} she thought to herself, but her voice didn't answer.  
  
Meriweather was following a strange shrieking sound, trailed closely (a bit *too* closely) by Aragorn. The two of them came to a small clearing enclosed by prickly bushes, and there, in the center, was a raccoon caught in what looked to be a miniature steel-jaw trap, something that did not belong in Middle-earth.  
  
{Another stunning piece of Dwarf handiwork, I'm sure,} she commented with so much sarcasm it could have withered the Trees of Valinor.  
  
Meriweather gently freed the creature, which immediately became calm and docile in the Sue's hands. Katie wanted to fling the animal as far away from her as she could, but Meri-Sue would have none of that. Meriweather coaxed Aragorn into binding the raccoon's paw and then carried it back to the four waiting boats.  
  
"It was noble of you to save the poor creature's life," Aragorn said, voice soft.  
  
"I could have done no less," Meriweather smiled at him and then at the raccoon. "What should I name him?"  
  
{Don't tell me she intends to *keep* the nasty little bugger!} Katie cried. {Great. Marvelous. *Just* peachy.}  
  
{It seems that we've got ourselves an animal-lover Sue. Any guesses as to how long that thing will hang around?}  
  
{If you even suggest the idea that it will be the ringbearer at Aragorn and Meriweather's wedding, I will personally rip you outta my head and dismember you.}  
  
{I didn't say a word.}  
  
"Saura'onna," Aragorn was saying thickly, his face contorted in a strange manner. A myriad of emotions seemed to stretch his features out, but quicker than Meriweather had time to notice, the calm mask of insensibility induced by the Sue's author was back in place.  
  
Katie's inner voice dissolved into giggles as Meriweather said, "Saura'onna . . . that's a perfect name. Thank you!"  
  
{What'd I miss?} Katie asked. {What's so funny?}  
  
{Strider . . . Aragorn . . . he-he named the raccoon 'foul creature' in Elvish!} her voice managed to gasp out between mental fits of hysteria. {The author must not have come up with a name yet, but it's too late now!}  
  
{Way to go Strider!} Katie cheered. {At least he hasn't given up fighting,} she reassured herself. {None of us will give up that easily.}  
  
{Don't we know it.}  
  
The four boats were slowly loaded and cast off, Temnaur (Katie could not take her eyes off him) paddling for Frodo and Sam. Legolas and Gimli followed in their own boat, then Boromir with Merry and Pippin. Meriweather brought up the rear with Aragorn close at hand.  
  
{Maybe if the author tries anything, I can tip the boat over.}  
  
{By the looks Legolas is shooting back here, *he* may do it for you, in hopes that you'll hit your head again,} her voice observed. {But the author may still have a bit of control over him. It's hard to tell with him and Gimli.}  
  
{Any idea when the Sue's next blackout attack will be?}  
  
{Nope, but knowing her I'd wager a lot of money that she'll end up fighting alongside Aragorn and manage to get herself wounded--}  
  
{Joy.}  
  
{--and all you'll have to do is wait for your chance.}  
  
Katie was distracted by Aragorn tapping Meriweather's shoulder. He pointed ahead of them, where two colossal figures were rising like specters from the river's mists.  
  
"The Urgoneth," he said almost reverently. "I have waited a long time to see them."  
  
{Argonath. *Argonath.* *ARGONATH!*} Katie fairly screamed. Whatever she was going to do to Meriweather when they were in-between next, she had just doubled the torture level.  
  
{Funny, you're more concerned with pronunciation than the geographical leaps we're taking. I do believe that's Amon Hen and the waterfall ahead.}  
  
{*Don't* get me started,} the girl fumed. {I could go on for days.}  
  
{Somehow I don't doubt it.}  
  
Sure enough, the Fellowship (or what tattered shreds remained of it) pulled up on the gravelly shore and leaped out of the boats. They swiftly set up camp, while Boromir took the opportunity to pull Meriweather aside. The raccoon, Saura'onna, limped after them.  
  
"My lady," he said urgently, "I must warn you that desire and danger lurk here. There's something evil here. Be careful, and keep your eyes open."  
  
"Yes, Boromir," she answered, hands tensing on her gilt-inlaid bow. "I also feel something evil approach. Don't let your guard down."  
  
{Well, look at it this way,} her voice tried to reassure Katie. {At least Meri's author has some decent mechanics of grammar, spelling aside.}  
  
{I don't want to hear it. This is *so* out of canon that I don't even think the Uruk-Hai will show up!} Katie snapped.  
  
{Hey, at least he didn't kiss you.}  
  
Katie didn't deign to respond.  
  
The Fellowship, plus Temnaur, Meriweather, and Saura'onna who was still following the Sue like a little lost puppy, began to venture deeper into the trees, away from their camp. Katie gave up grumbling over the idiocy of leaving the camp unguarded and walking right into danger's open arms.  
  
And then a monstrous shadow fell over her. Meriweather/Katie looked up. The Sue gasped bravely; Katie screamed. It was an Uruk-Hai, but it was somewhere around twelve feet tall. And it looked like someone had gone over its face with a Rototiller, stapling the wounds shut with rusted iron rings. So it was less a real Uruk-Hai and more of a cross between an orc and Lurtz. All that passed through Katie's mind in a millisecond, and by then the Sue had recovered and was on the move.  
  
Meriweather sprang backwards, notching an arrow to her bow and firing all in the same move. The gigantic creature in serious need of a face- replacement dropped like a ton of bricks, her arrow embedded between its eyes.  
  
The forest around Meriweather seemed to explode with similar beasts, all slavering and roaring at her in some unidentifiable language. Soon she was hemmed in on all sides, and her arrows were rapidly depleting. And then the Uruks were too close to use her bow with, so Meriweather dropped it and went for her sword.  
  
{Okay, I thought Uruk-Hai were intelligent, and that they were a *little* smaller . . .!} Katie shrieked as Meriweather ducked a very sharp object of destruction.  
  
Her voice answered with, {*Look out!*}  
  
Something bit into Meriweather/Katie's side, a wicked little dagger coated in some substance that was probably poisonous because that's just how Meriweather would have liked it. Not to mention it burned like fire.  
  
{*Aah!* You cursed, filthy author whose computer should be fried during a lightning storm and your hands electrocuted and burned off!} Katie bit down on a scream of pure agony as Meriweather pulled the dagger out and cast it aside. {What is *with* her torturing me physically and emotionally?!}  
  
Meriweather was driven into a tighter and tighter circle, her vision blurring and her strength leaving her. Katie wasn't doing much better. {I . . . thought Aragorn . . . was supposed to be . . . here.}  
  
{I don't know, but Temnaur's incoming!}  
  
A flash of green blazed through the mass of enemies, felling the foes right and left. The young wizard stood defiantly over the now-crumpled form of Meriweather, sunlight dancing off his rapidly-slashing sword. Temnaur, for all his Marty-Samness, was a lean, green, fightin' machine. His keen blue eyes never wavered as he dealt blow after blow into the horde, who slowly gave back before him.  
  
At last, the wizard had dispatched all the Uruk-Hai that were within immediate threatening distance, and knelt over Meriweather.  
  
"Meriweather, come on, you must get up. Aragorn must look at your wound, because it looks to be poisoned." His earnest blue eyes pled with her, and Katie squelched a momentary thought of Brian trapped somewhere behind them. Oh, the Sue would *pay*.  
  
Temnaur pulled Meriweather to her feet and together the two raced to find the others. Katie attempted to ignore the spasms of pain with each jouncing step and the disquieting feeling of blood soaking through her loaned shirt. Meriweather couldn't kill her, and that was what she clung to, no matter how bad it got.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Frodo! Hide here, quick!" Pippin's stage whisper disrupted the quietness of the temporary reprieve from battle. Sam cowered between the young Took and Merry as all three huddled beneath a fallen log. Distantly, in a corner of Pippin's mind there was a vague feeling of disquiet about something, that the situation was wrong.  
  
Frodo Baggins, pressed desperately against the base of a large tree, shook his head frantically. Merry charged suddenly from his hiding place with a shout of, "No, you can't leave!" The Ringbearer cringed and inched away around the trunk. He could sense them, the Uruk-Hai. They were getting closer.  
  
Pippin had now come into the open. He grabbed Merry's arm and pointed wildly, eyes wide. "Look, there's Meriweather and Temnaur!"  
  
Something in Frodo denied that such a thing should be possible, but it was a tiny voice he could not listen to. Meriweather would help him, she had to be able to. If there was one person he could depend upon not to take the Ring, it was her.  
  
"Merry, Pippin, run! The Uruk-Hai are coming!" Temnaur shouted, one hand keeping Meriweather steady.  
  
"Meriweather!" Frodo stopped short when he saw the dark stain spreading across her side. She looked at him, her lustrous raven hair hanging limply about her face. Then she drew herself up straight.  
  
"Frodo, you must go. I have sensed that it is no longer safe for you to remain with us. You have a better chance at getting away unnoticed than we do. Temnaur and I will try to cover your escape, but you can't waste time. The Uruk-Hai will be here soon."  
  
Sam took that opportunity to dart from where he had been hiding, all but forgotten. "Master Frodo's not going anywhere without me," he stated firmly.  
  
Temnaur nodded. "Both of you go. Hurry! Merry and Pippin will remain behind to help us, won't you?" and he gazed firmly down at the other two hobbits.  
  
"Right," Pippin and Merry chorused, drawing their small swords. "You can count on us!"  
  
Frodo paused, then he ran to Meriweather, who crouched to give him a hug. "I will never forget you," she promised. "Our fate rests with you. Never despair or lose hope. Sam," and it was Sam's turn for a hug, "Keep him safe. Off with both of you now."  
  
As if on cue, dozens of harsh voices rang out as a literal cascade of Uruk- Hai poured down the hill. Meriweather, Temnaur, Merry, and Pippin turned to face them all, swords held defiantly in front of them. None had to look back to know that Frodo and Sam were long gone. 


	20. A Conclusion

Disclaimer: Let's see . . . Aragorn, Legolas, Boromir, Gimli, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, all normal Uruk-Hai, all ringwraiths, Amon Hen and all other recognizable paraphernalia belong to Tolkien. The only things I own are mistakes and are listed as follows: Meriweather/Katie, Temnaur/Brian, and Saura'onna. I'm . . . thrilled.  
  
To my forgiving reviewers:  
  
Laura: I hope you got to go back and read the real version of Chapter 19! Hopefully it will answer all of your questions.  
  
Violet Dawson: Thanks for the heads-up about the chapter. I appreciate your concern and support very much. And I keep meaning to finish reading the MIA Chronicles, but I haven't gotten that far yet. But what I have seen looks very entertaining.  
  
Lady Moon: My sympathies about the canon also. I think we can officially say that all resemblance to Tolkien has officially gone out the window with the exception of names (and even those are in danger).  
  
Silent Angel: Thank you also for the warning about my chapter. When I first saw your review I cringed and shuddered to think that you had to read the nasty version. And I'm pleased to have an avid fan. Can't say anyone's ever said that to me before. Again, thanks. And are you sure it won't be you? Mwahahaha . . .  
  
Crimson Starlight: Her thoughts have returned, never fear! I think I got it right in this chapter, anyway. And it's always bound to get worse!  
  
Eirtae: Ah, another confused one, to whom I profusely apologize . . . Chapter 19 has been reposted in its correct version, and if you haven't had the chance to read it, you may want to. All your questions/comments/opinions of Temnaur/Brian will be answered, I promise!  
  
Azaelia Sapphire: As Meriweather/Katie is the primary character, only she has to be knocked unconscious to get Middle-earth back. Temnaur/Brian will logically follow. Oh, and the Sue's author is not through with Frodo and Sam. Not by a long shot.  
  
Wen Quendalie: Ah, vindictive isn't a strong enough word for Meriweather. But Katie gets a little payback of her own, which I was very happy about. You'll have to read to see!  
  
Rabia: Ah, my mission in life is complete! I've made you laugh in front of an entire room! With Saura'onna, no less! I feel very proud of myself, to say the least! Hee hee. And you'll have to see just how many of your suggestions come true . . .  
  
Heero Yuy: I'm sure Katie would have liked it better too. Stupid Meriweather, getting to wish the hobbits well. And don't get me started on Boromir! Ai. Well, the Sue knows even less about the hobbits than she'll admit to, so if she thinks that Merry and Pippin are fighters, then I guess they're fighters. Those poor halflings don't even know what's what half the time! As for back to Middle-earth, you'll have to wait and see . . .  
  
Mizalaye: Well, even if you don't want to know how it'll get worse, at least know that it will. Trust me. The stupid Sue author has gone and done something totally despicable with "The Two Towers." Oh, and Boromir dies. Besides, the Sue needs the chance to do a tragic death scene, and we wouldn't want her to miss the opportunity, would we?  
  
Lightning: Thanks for your review! I did get the chance to visit your profile and read 'The Killer'. I can't remember right now if I read anything else, but 'The Killer' was very interesting. I kind of wish that the chapters were longer and had more detail, but I positively love the way Teruwyn talks. I don't know why, I just do! Such are the fickle ways of an author, I suppose . . .  
  
Blaze: Aaah, but before Meriweather came along, Katie was schizophrenic by choice. Adding the Sue to the mix wasn't her doing, and now it's *really* crowded up there! I enjoyed your reviews, and I think your perseverance with this story is amazing!  
  
Emerald: Glad to hear it! I hope it doesn't take you long to slog all the way to this chapter!  
  
Fae: You know, you're the first one to make the bobby pin connection. Kudos! Temnaur actually has something to do with fire. I can't recall the exact translation right now . . . I'll look it up for later, promise. Oh, and I also promise to read Chapter One by tomorrow. I've been working these past few days and am zonked like you wouldn't believe. Ride swiftly, and avoid gopher holes!  
  
WeasleyTwinsLover: You'll have to see which device came out on top in this chapter . . . but I did go with my personal favorite.  
  
Contia Mirian: Well, now that you've explained it to me, my thank you still stands. And I hope you, Ice, do get around to reading those books someday. They start to grow on you after awhile. You are very welcome for the dedication.  
  
MentalMidget008: You know, one of these days I'm going to give you spelling lessons. :-) That's okay, I love you anyway. I hope that you won't have to call me again over this chapter! Amin mela lle, melamin.  
  
Shiggity-shiggity: Let's just put the whole romance thing this way: Katie finally has somebody that talks colloquial 21st century English! Forget Aragorn, Legolas, Éomer, etc. Meriweather on the other hand, or should I say her author, has some surprises in store on the romantic front. Coming soon in future chapters . . . mwahah.  
  
Paperclip Princess: Forgive me if I don't quite understand the reference to paperclipping. I did find it amusing, however. And I pulled this chapter together so reviewers wouldn't start handing me death threats. I'm cowering beneath my bed as I type this, fearful that some vengeful reviewer will come crashing through my roof with a whip! Okay, maybe not, but you get the idea.  
  
No one of Consequence: Oh, trust me . . . the raccoon is going to be a star. Everyone will either love or feel sorry for the raccoon. The Sue has plans for the raccoon. And *you* are one of the reviewers I'm worried about! Death threats? I think I'm going to move to some shack in the Alps where no one will find me . . .  
  
AerinBrown: She was pushing him down the stairs as a form of revenge for drugging her earlier. And, oh yes, the boyfriend adds a whole new dimension to it. It'll only get stranger from here on out . . . By the way, THANK YOU for reading School's Out. Nobody ever reads that, but I've always loved writing it. You're the first person who's even glanced at it in a long time (besides my friends who read it all on my laptop anyway). You have no idea how happy that made me.  
  
Kyae: I should have warned you: consumption of food and/or beverage while reading my fic can have rather messy results. Some of my readers have also reported to have made complete fools of themselves by laughing aloud in front of people who consequently believe them insane. :-) I hope you enjoy the update!  
  
Alaina: Actually, Fae and I did a study on raccoons. Many believe that Tolkien wrote Middle-earth as an early form of Europe or Britain. Raccoons do not live in Europe. That's why some people find the fact that there were raccoons in 102 Dalmatians very upsetting. They've since been imported, but originally there were no raccoons in England. Ahem. Sorry for the history lesson. And amusing is my job, so as long as I'm doing it, I'm thrilled!  
  
NightShade: Yeah, if you ever find a copy of that cookbook, I'd *love* to borrow it sometime. And Meriweather gets her comeuppance, you can be sure of that!  
  
Celtic Dreamer: Or in this case, just there because the stupid Sue's author thought Gandalf needed replacing. How dumb! The question is, will Temnaur be taking the place of Boromir in the love triangle? Dun dun dunn . . .  
  
Gate Keeper: Go on, you can have him. He'd probably say something like, "Live long and die by my blade," or something. Vulcan Lurtz . . . what's next? Klingon Orcs? On second thought . . . they *do* look something alike . . .  
  
Fly Without Wings: You're telling me. How much more screwed up can it get?  
  
Divine: Get back, evil fangirl! Just kidding. I've got a rather large one down inside of me, too. You should have heard me when I saw "The Two Towers" for the first time. It was *bad*. But at least I can confess my faults. Well, one of them. The other one is that my head swells when I get a fantastic review like yours. I mean it, I couldn't get through the doors in my house for a week!  
  
ScarsOnAScribbler'sHeart: Calm down, I haven't even begun to touch the Edoras problem yet. I'm hoping the Sue might simmer down and decide to go *around* Edoras. It's not a good ploy, but hey, she's stupid, who knows? There's no true Brian this chapter, but next chapter I guarantee it. I'm sure he's got lots to say about all this!  
  
Aaaaaaaaand now . . . give it up for . . . NightShade! Dedication of this chapter is solely, completely, and fully hers, in recognition of her good points, excellent observations, and great sense of humor. Thanks so much for all your reviews, and your loyalty in keeping with the story.  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE  
  
Chapter Twenty  
  
Merry and Pippin charged forward bravely, followed closely by Meriweather and Temnaur. Their small swords were raised defiantly against the oncoming horde of Uruk-Hai, their faces set. A bolder picture could not be imagined. There was steel in every eye, steadfast courage in every being. Then the first wave hit.  
  
The two hobbits lunged forward, wordless cries of attack poised on their tongues. They were never given the chance to use their bright blades; the Uruk-Hai slowed their headlong rush in recognition and two of the beasts in the lead snapped up the Halflings like fish to bait. Meriweather and Temnaur simply stood there, their expressions close to dumbfounded. Or perhaps just dumb.  
  
It was not until Pippin's cry of, "Meriweather, help!" that the two galvanized into action. Their blades flashed as they met the Uruks head- on, regardless of anything resembling safety.  
  
Meriweather tripped one, meeting the monster with a thrust to the stomach before spinning to cleave the head off another. Temnaur was chanting something, having somehow miraculously recovering his heretofore forgotten staff. The Uruks in the immediate vicinity were incinerated before Katie could blink. Well, if she had been able to blink, that is.  
  
Before either could advance on their remaining enemies, a sudden shout was heard off to the right. Boromir came crashing through the brush, sword in hand, the Horn of Gondor bouncing wildly at his side.  
  
"I have come to assist you, my lady," he said breathlessly, chopping at the nearest Uruk-Hai. "You are hurt, you must go to Aragorn. I shall help Temnaur with the rest of these creatures of Sauron. Go, now!"  
  
Meriweather nodded quickly, dashing swiftly away in the direction she assumed Aragorn to be.  
  
{Didn't her mother ever tell her not to run with knives?} Katie's voice wondered. {It'd be a pity if she were to fall on her sword.}  
  
{Yes, a pity that we would both *die*!} Katie exclaimed. {If you are through with your helpful suggestions--}  
  
{Sssh! Listen to Meriweather's thoughts.}  
  
{You mean she actually has cognitive thinking abilities? I don't believe it!}  
  
{Sssh!}  
  
Indeed, once they fell silent, they could here a faint, echoing voice that could only belong to Meriweather.  
  
"Surely this wound isn't too bad. I've got to go save Merry and Pippin! Those nasty-looking giant things will be halfway to Murdor by now!"  
  
{Giant things?} her voice asked.  
  
{*Murdor?!*} Katie screeched. She wanted to form some kind of insult, but the latest and greatest author misspelling had her too angry to mentally see straight.  
  
And still oblivious to anything going on inside her cranium, Meriweather began to track the two Uruk-Hai with Merry and Pippin. She held her sword in front of her, ready for any attack. She could hear their heavy steps and the muffled yells of the hobbits as they struggled with their captors. Terror was plainly etched on their faces as Meriweather mounted a last rise. She dropped her sword and reached for her bow, knowing she was too far away to catch them unless she wanted to drop dead first from the poison, but also knowing that she could not miss the shot. Then the Horn of Gondor sounded.  
  
The heavy cadence of pounding feet behind the Sue alerted her to the oncoming remains of the attacking force, as they realized their objective had been accomplished. They had the halflings. Meriweather dove to one side, rolling behind a handy piece of ancient statuary that effectively hid her from view. And though Meri-Sue wasn't the brightest crayon in the box (far from it, as you know), she wasn't quite stupid enough to try and take them all on at once.  
  
As soon as they had all passed her position, Meriweather was on her feet, racing madly back the way she had come. Boromir had called, and she had to answer. She must! Something deep inside her knew that it was over. He would not have used the Horn otherwise.  
  
The scene that lay before her was enough to break even Katie's heart.  
  
{I knew he had to die . . . I just didn't want to actually see him do it.}  
  
{It must happen. I know it won't help much, but remember that this isn't reality,} her voice comforted.  
  
Boromir lay, pale and beaten, against a mossy hillock that propped him in a semi-upright position. The three arrows, crude and ugly, reminders of their maker, seemed to tremble with the beating of the man of Gondor's rapidly-failing heart.  
  
"Boromir, no . . ." Meriweather whispered, stumbling slowly forward and falling to her knees beside him. He turned to gaze at her with blue-gray eyes that were piercing in their focus.  
  
"Meriweather . . . I love you," he said, breath rasping horribly.  
  
Katie recoiled, but held her peace, for the sake of the real Boromir that was in there, also dying. But here he would die comfortless, still in bondage to the Sue. And though Katie didn't want that, she could not change it.  
  
"You gave your life for mine . . . you took my place. You are noble, Son of Gondor," Meriweather said. "I am so, so sorry."  
  
"Do not be. I have done my duty, and I have proven my love. Promise me . . ." Boromir paused, coughing before continuing, "that you will not forget me, Meriweather."  
  
She bent closer, brushing her lips against his. "I promise you, with all that I am, Boromir. I won't forget."  
  
Boromir let out a small sigh, the signal that his soul had fled Middle- earth. And it had. At least, Meriweather's version of Boromir's soul. The real Boromir yet lived.  
  
Katie sat up straight, suddenly in control again. That was it. Meriweather had fainted, due to the poison. But Katie knew her time would be short, and then it would be onto the battle. She knew that what little strength she yet possessed would be depleted quickly. But for that moment, all that mattered was Boromir.  
  
He searched her face, though his eyes were beginning to dim. "Katie?" he whispered.  
  
"Yes, yes, Boromir. She has left, for the moment. Please, forgive me for everything. I promise you that I'll avenge what she has done. But I can never repay what you've done for me. You defended me, guarded me, and most of all, been a friend. I'm sorry it must end this way." Katie felt tears spring to her eyes, and she unabashedly let them slide down her face. She didn't want him to die . . . he of all the Fellowship was the only one to have shown her true companionship and to have given her a sense of belonging.  
  
His hand groped for hers and found it. "You are but a child, carrying the fate of all. I place no blame upon you."  
  
Katie felt a presence beside her. It was Aragorn. She extricated herself, knowing that the natural forces that were now in play needed to have their way with things. Katie backed slowly away, before turning her back on Boromir and Aragorn. She snagged the sleeve of a lost-looking Temnaur and pulled him away with her.  
  
{What's the deal? What's going on?} she demanded of her voice, wiping tears from her face, trying to keep her roiling emotions at bay.  
  
{I should think you of all people would know that the story's finished. Done, finito, over. The movie ended, remember? Meriweather's fainted, Boromir's dead, Sam and Frodo have gone, Merry and Pippin have been carried off, and Legolas and Gimli are around here somewhere. The author's not writing any more right now. Therefore, you have control.}  
  
Katie looked at Temnaur/Brian. {And what about him? Shouldn't the real guy behind this mask be shining through right now? I bet he's got some interesting things to tell me.}  
  
Her voice sounded puzzled. {I'm not sure . . . he's the author's secondary character, so I think he's technically on 'Pause' right now. If he were unconscious, it'd be different. If you want Brian back, you'd better go knock your head into a tree and get the battle over with.}  
  
She eyed the tall, broad-shouldered Marty Sam contemplatively. {What if I just grab a handy club-sized stick and bash him with it? Wouldn't that bring Brian out?}  
  
{Maybe, maybe not. Who's to say? You could try it and then explain to him why he's got a concussion.}  
  
{I'd better not. As much as I admire Aragorn, I don't think he knows anything about serious head injuries, to say nothing of brain surgery.}  
  
A tiny pair of paws attached themselves to Katie's leg, and she jumped in reflex. It was Saura'onna, looking pretty pathetic. Her lip curled in disgust. "There are *no* raccoons in Middle-earth," Katie snarled down at the animal. "Go find a cliff to fall off of."  
  
"Katie?"  
  
"*Gah!*" she yelped and spun around. Legolas stood there, one knife gripped in a defensive posture. Gimli was rapidly trying to catch up to the elf. "Don't *do* that!"  
  
The elf and dwarf ignored her outburst. "What has happened? We are ourselves again, as are you. What of the others?" Legolas questioned, sheathing his blade.  
  
"Merry and Pippin have been taken by the enemy. Frodo and Sam escaped and have gone on to Mordor alone. Boromir is dying; he may have died already. Aragorn is with him, just over there." Katie could not hide the sadness in her voice, and she turned away from Legolas and Gimli as tears threatened to spill anew. She pressed a hand to her side, wincing at the shooting pain it caused. Her wound flared, and the world hazed out of focus for a moment.  
  
{Just sit down. If you pass out, at least you'll have less of a distance to fall,} her voice advised. Shakily, Katie obeyed, and the pesky raccoon insisted upon curling up in her lap, apparently permanently brainwashed into some kind of docile pet. She lacked the energy to fling the animal away. Leaning her head back against a tree, she slowed her breathing and tried to remain coherent, losing ground quickly.  
  
{I wish my stupid body would get it over with so I can get this straightened out . . . hey wait a doggone minute. If Meriweather's story is over, then why haven't I been returned home yet? What is the author waiting for?}  
  
{Apparently you missed the 'To Be Continued' note at the end of the fanfic. The author's going to see "The Two Towers" this weekend. And then from there . . .}  
  
Thankfully, Katie was leaving reality behind and didn't quite grasp the monumental significance of her voice's statement, until she found herself face-to-face once more with Meriweather. And boy was she prepared to deal out pain and torture like the Sue had never seen before.  
  
"Hello, Meriweather," she smiled demonically when the Sue woke up. Katie had been fortunate enough to catch Meriweather by surprise, and that had allowed her to stun the Sue long enough to strap her to the device she had appropriated.  
  
Meriweather made no response and Katie circled around the raised table, checking the bindings and other various paraphernalia she had attached to the Sue. "I don't think you recognize this lovely little machine, do you? You probably haven't even read "The Princess Bride," much less seen the movie. What a pity. I guess you'll have to learn about Count Rugen's machine the hard way."  
  
Katie made a few final adjustments before moving to stand at Meriweather's head, glaring directly down into her multi-hued eyes. "This is of course the dumbed-down version presented in the movie. I don't want to take the time with the one in the book, because my list of incidents that require revenge is way too long to bother. And I don't know how it will work with fictional characters, so this should be educational for both of us."  
  
She stepped back and rested one hand on the lever that was currently set to 'zero'. "Now then. To begin. This is for Aragorn." And she raised the level to 'one'.  
  
Meriweather, who up until that moment had never screamed in pain over anything, was howling her lungs out, writhing in agony, jerking against her bonds. Katie watched for a moment, a half-smile on her face. Then she reset the lever to 'zero'.  
  
"That was the first of my list. What did you think? Because that's going to happen a lot more, I guarantee. And in case you're wondering the significance of the numbers? This little baby sucks years of life away. I've just sucked one year off your life. Well, such as it is. Now then, to continue."  
  
Thus it went, and Katie's list went something like this:  
  
"For Galadriel's promise and your ignorance of who she *really* is." "For making up Temnaur, dragging my boyfriend into this, and for not realizing that *Gandalf comes back!*" "For not knowing that there are only *five* Istari. And those are wizards, by the way." "For rescuing that *stupid, ugly, smelly, and pathetic* raccoon, which don't even exist in Middle-earth!" "For the Argonath." "For Mordor." "For getting me stabbed with that dagger and causing me way more torture than I deserve!" "For kissing Frodo and Sam and making both into complete and total fools!" "For royally messing up the Uruk-Hai."  
  
Katie paused and waited for Meriweather's last scream to die away. The Sue was shaking, whimpering, and in general generating a pitiful picture. But Katie didn't feel sorry for her. Far from it. She leaned close over Meriweather, snarling right in her face.  
  
"And this last one is for Boromir. For degrading him. For making him love you. For killing him. For everything you have ever done to him, the canon you have shattered, and the lives you have destroyed by doing it." Katie's voice was so low that she was hissing her words, her fury so great that she was inches from wrapping her fingers around Meri-Sue's throat and wringing her neck.  
  
"For all that, you deserve this." And she cranked the lever up to 'ten'. The shrieks and wails of the Sue had a pleasant sort of ring to them, but Katie wasn't listening anymore. She had yet to fulfill her promise to Boromir. And that meant getting on with the story, no matter what was to come.  
  
At last, Katie switched the machine off, watching Meriweather go limp. Then the portal to Middle-earth formed. "Safer there than here," she muttered, leaving the Sue tied down. If she was lucky, Meri-Sue wouldn't be able to escape and that would stack the deck in her favor next time.  
  
Darkness closed around her as she stepped through the doorway to Middle- earth, anticipating and also dreading her return. After all, Aragorn owed her. And what was scarier, he also would be the one to deal with her dagger-wound.  
  
{Fun, fun, fun.}  
  
{Shut up.}  
  
[A/N: And so we reach the relative conclusion of "The Fellowship of the Ring". Your local fanfiction announcer would like to report the sequel beginning sometime next week, so stay tuned!] 


End file.
